I was told today one should move fast as time is the only one you have. And, to get all done that you were meant to be doing, you need stop wasting time on stupid things, focus and go. That logic also includes lazy morning in bed. If you are not alone, then its a good thing to have lazy morning in the bed. If you are alone in the bed then its just wasting time. Thats a solid logic! 

As whole central Europe is burning we here, on the norther bit, are sinking in the nonstop shovers of rain. For some days it was like godsend as all brown grass and sown seeds finally grew and blossomed. However, now they would need to have some sunshine to grow and last. Theres no. We have summer, and there is barely any sun. Thats basically shitty skiing weather now. 

The cultural announcements made here earlier are still valid, Rammstein stage is being built just about now. I have only hope the stupid rain will stop for their concert time. Not everyone is able to drink for warmth in such level that the rain would not bother. August and the Bad seeds I cannot wait either. Usually August is the sweetest month, we have finally warmth within ourselves, crops are getting ready in gardens and in forests, you can go and pick your breakfast or dinner bits. After such rain I guess some mushrooms are already waiting to be picked. And wild strawberries, nothing like wild strawberries! You take strawberries, smash them with fork, then put some sugar on top and, finally, pour over with milk. Thats the “soup” the countryside kids grew up on. I, ofcourse, had some problems with the “soup” as whatever I picked from the forest always ended up in my mouth before getting back home. I did not have the patience. Or, I was just so hungry as we did not have much to eat these days. Everything is connected. Who suffered starvation in childhood might act strange when adult. You see, there was a time in my childhood, when I was about 4 years old… I was given one big white onion for breakfast. Nothing else. Or one bell-pepper, or paprica, or however you call this horrible thing. I could not eat onion, plain onion, just one onion as breakfast. Nothing else, no bread, no meat, no nothing. Show me someone who can. Show me an adult. Then show me a kid. That was the complex terror I had to survive as a kid, in addition to constant beating  (belting til bleeding with the buckle end, not the leather end) I was tortured with food, or in fact, the absence of food. For me its still, today, some 40 years later, two of the most disgusting things human eat. I can not eat onion nor bell-pepper. I actually get sick from the bell-peppers smell, so sick I might throw up. You see, its in persons head. I am pretty badly damaged in my head. But I dont mind that I am this way. Plenty of other gorgeous things to eat. 

Oh, shit, I have a panic attack now. Oh, boy, my heart races so I can literally hear it, my head is like in cloud, feels like I am second from fainting and losing conciousness. Used to be a lot worse. I figured if I face my horrors I will conquor them one by one. It seems it worked to some extent as the breakdowns are rare and milder. I must remember not to go back to the horror time in my life. I think I am strong but it still makes me sick today what I had to endure. Just because one nutcase. This bitch is still alive. Some strange setup of the brain that subconciously decided that this bitch is still a threat to me. I hope for a long life for her. As far as I have heard, its pretty miserable life. So congratulations are in order. For the time when she exits I had a very vivid dream some 4-5 years ago. On the occasion I was seen dancing and celebrating in church by the casket. I remember the deeply shocked faces of the relatives who only saw the glam side of her. I gave a speech where I did not keep a single bloody detail of her doings. I woke up happy.   

I have spilled my secret to a few confidants in real life. Now here, rather anonymus possibility, I am well aware that whole world could read. My story ofcourse, is probably nothing unusual if you live in, say, India or China or Latin-America. Its probably nothing unusual even if you are 80 years old and had to endure such life. Its probably nothing unusual for coloured people, war-torn people, natural disasters victims. Everywhere is somethink horrible going on. I am well aware. I just use this opportunity to heal. They say share your sorrow and you will have just half of the sorrow left to deal with.

The weather is pissing me off. One day I had to change my clothes five times. From bikini to a fucking full wintergear – jacket and jeans. And then back, and then once more to wintergear. And then again. One minute I was laying in sun, getting tanned, then run to house as just within split second the sky was literally black, thunder and heavy rain that looked like grey curtain. I was totally wet in microsecond. There too.  Haha ;). By the time I got warm and changed and the rain stopped and I figured what work I can do in the garden in these circumstances, the sun blasted again. At the same time half of Europe is burning up when we are step away from drowning. Yeah, we can not fix it anymore. We are late with it. Only adjust to whats coming. Thinking if the water level increases Himalayas will be a good place to live. By that time the onions and bell-peppers are among the few that can be grown there ;)… Thats the irony.

Johnny, for calm and soothing lazy time in yet warm place in Europe, write:

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

And, move fast, as time is the only thing you have!

The Mad Hatter via

themadhatter.blog