I love. A lot.

I love sunshine. Because its scarce.

I love rain. Because everything smells good after rain.

I love beer. Because its both food, drink and buzz.

I love food. Because I did not have it when I was child.

I love music. Well, I even breath in rythm.

I love sea. We came from there, we go back there.

I love blackcurrants. Because its ultimate vitaminbomb.

I love warm boots in the winter. Because all you need is warm feet to stay healthy.

I love autumnleaves. Because then we know crops is ready.

I love autumn smell. Because soon we will have first snow.

I love old manors and old houses with history.

I love. 

I collect love. By tiny bits every day. I want to have one big bit now. Huge! Unfortunately he is not aware. But as they say, hope is the last to die. How to make us to meet on our “oh so separate and oh so far from each other” roads …. It must look desperate. Get a grip, woman! Buy batteries and focus! Write, work, build a house. Complete something you have started! Well, slapping myself to my face. Sometimes it helps me back to my track. Sometimes, especially when its raining and you can not do any gardening works, it hits hard.

Sometimes I think I will be alone. A lone spinster ´til the last day. Great chances there. Some 99%. The remainig 1% is that someone will be brave (read: nuts enough) enough to stand me. So far I have not met the man. I see they excist, I know they excist, but I know none of them. As they say, the good men are either taken or dead ;). They certainly arent here where I stroll, work or move around. 

I had another unusual dream that I remembered even after I woke up. In the dream Johnny Depp and I were on a blanket in a beautiful sunny garden and we were having picknick. Just held hands and layed there in the sun. Doing nothing. Just being happy. And I remember I gave him a long warm hug and kissed him behind his ear. I love seeing him smile. Sweet man. I would give my all to him. 

Realised some weeks ago that there is a pattern I keep on repeating. I dont like this pattern as so far it only brought me problems. I can not afford such pattern, such choices. Its literally cheaper for me to live alone. Which is pitty as in the end it turns out I dont deserve to be the one that someone else is interested to invest in. You know, at least take me to restaurant. No, nada, nichts. I miss this kind of gallant man. I think of myself as a very feminine gal. High heels, dresses, long hair. But throughout my life I have been sort of forced to be very masculine. Everything – my work, my hobbies and interests, everything is very masculine. I would like to be like a gal sometimes. Someone to bring me flowers, pick me up by car for dinner, sort out why the fuck the floorheating doesnt work. Give me footmassage, run me a bath with oils and candles. You see, I have to do all this all by myself. And, I can and I have done it. But, its not interesting to do it alone. 

Bath, wine and candles, Johnny?

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

love and all,

XXX