Just noticed I have made some typos and general errors in my previous writings. Pardon me. Its just my fingers work faster than brain sometimes. And chances are, I actually dont know how some words are correctly written. Like lay, layed, laid, … and I am too lazy to dig deeper. Because I know you, my dear reader, do understand me 🙂 

Realised also, that I am suffering of insomnia. Its 3 at night. Soon sun comes up. And I am still up, doing fuckall. It not the first night. I think I have been struggling for weeks already. Its not good as soon the schools start and then I should get in schedule again. … and maybe some work will start coming in…. and prepping for winter again…. Lots to do and again, emphasis on lots to do alone. Meaning, its huge amount of stuff to do for one person. But again, I started all this so I am going to carry right to the victorious completion! The world has tought me one should never ever give out promises of ETC, the expected time of completion. Especially on some delivery or completing of artwork or finishing a building. I dont give out such promises since many moons. I dont give them out and I dont make any promises to myself even. Because nothing, and I mean literally NOTHING, depends on me. So even building my house since ever, I can not tell you when there will be running water. I have waited for 17 years. And you see, one more year doesnt really make much difference anymore :). I have become used to getting around without the plumbing and I believe I will have it completed when the time comes. The earth is quaking when the earth is quaking. At the same time I can only promise I give my best. And I always do! Just that it has been years and years of learning, getting hit, by the fact that my best was never good enough. As in one of the Bosses songs in The ghost of Tom Joad album. Probably the top 5 albums of all times. I sure played two CDs to bits.

Anyone into music? Cultural announcements coming up! 

There was a time I was given a chance to fill in for the singer in a band that got contract for few seasons on the international ferryline. One week on board, one free. I ofcourse am no professional singer, but nobody ran out of the discofloor where the stage was. Anyways, I obviously picked the songs that I liked and could sing. So my list consisted of selection of Bruce Springsteen, Richie Sambora, Harry Belafonte, Rosemary Clooney, A-HA, Barbara Streisand, Leonard Cohen. And few of the locals too but it was not really a must as it was international line. So the funny thing is… I worked for food and beer. Again. I used to to it on the land too, when I was teenager. I painted my face to look older, as I had to be 21 to serve alcohol. Figured if I paint my eyelids green I sure look 21 if not more. But I was 15. But I was very good actress I guess as the bar owners believed me and hired me. For food. That time it was still possible to work “unofficially” and get paid in cash every shift or, as I liked, in food and beer. Well, I lied. I only worked for beer. And I slept in the same bar once everyone left. I closed the doors, pulled together some chairs and I miraculously was again first to arrive in the mo!!! Precious worker really! I had no place to live so it worked out for me excellently. Until the owners found out. 

Suddenly I feel heavy eyelids. Maybe my body now agrees to fall asleep…

Love and all,

Nick Cave and the bad seeds, Johnny, dont forget, 18th August in Estonia!!

Let me know by themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Love and all

XXX