First hit. 

Got ill, temperature drops outside, temperature rises within me. Have been weak and useless for more than a week now. Its rather usual program every year. The only thing changes is the timing. The moment there are first minus degrees outside in the night I usually get first round of fever, running nose and sore throat. Body is taking a rest every year after intensive working. Or intensive heatwave that wore us out this year. And not to mention the war that is going on just next door. It sneaks in on you because you happen to have the same shithole of a country as a neighbour. I have to switch my brain off from the war. It has interesting effect on people. Some probably dont even realise. I have severe symptoms of extreme stress, luckily not yet depression. I barely function. So to function as good as I can, I can not afford thinking on the shithole of a country or its people who are literally everywhere yapping about the incredibly mighty country and nation they are. It makes me sick. They spreading like roaches. They dont understand they are not welcome. Anything they touch turns into a shite. Bottomscrapers. Yet so loud and so stupid. Hand in hand, the more stupid you are, the more loud you are.

I have lived with them in our community forever. Throughout my life I have always liked observing people, as I literally figured I dont understand people. So I watch, take notes in my head, remember. This way every now and then I find myself a bit confused, as living in a parallel world of sort. Or de-javu, when the bits of puzzle fall into places. Pieces that I saw 20 years ago now fall into their places. I think based on this strange puzzle I have been able to predict what happens next. 

I saw infinity sign everywhere for about half year now. Then on the wee hours of 8th September I woke up happy from a dream where Her majesty and I were walking in park with dogs. I dont evel like dogs much. Then she went. Waving goodbye. When the news came in in the eve I had no news as I knew in the morning already. Its strange that I saw her and her husband many years, first time some 20 years ago. Saw him leaving too, some year ago. Its strange that I saw them as I dont accept the “blue blood” status or set up in any country. You see I must say I dont understand the royal thing. Never understood, never will agree to play along with this stupid violent inheritance. In my view its all very wrong, today, in any place in world, to have anything like that still excisting. In my eyes, the so called royals are nothing but freeloaders. And even worse, they are the “proud” result of opression, wars, killings, rapes, slavery, not to mention inbreeding. Their ancestors literally killed, conqured, opressed a bit of land, took what was not theirs, killed and raped when not obeyed. I mean, I would not be proud if my grand-grand-grands were such. On the contrary, I would return all they stole and announced their “own”, be in deep shame for what they have done and go get a job. Hell, I am ashamed that the Queen did not do it. I so despise such thing. Its beyond arrogant. Its stealing in broad daylight. Stealing from commoners, which, royals are actually aswell. Just people. The only difference is they are arrogant freeloaders.

In the same time I quite like Nederlands and Sweden so called royals. Again, nothing royal there, at least they get a job, not living a freeloaders life. One dutch prince is commercial pilot. Swedish king cancelled all titles and money from his kids, finally one with some common sense. You have to realise you can not, or should not, feed bunch of people for country´s taxes only because you could not keep your pants on. Just get a job and close this leftover joint. And make a museum out of the buildings.  

I get pissed off on such topics. You can tell all you want, in my eyes they are just result of long line of criminal acts – war, killing, rapes, stealing (they call these acts, obviously, with a different name) etc – and it makes me sick that everyone seems to be pretending they are proud of it. Strange “logic”. Or, people just take its easier to just go with the flow. Cattleforce is something one should not ignore, thats for sure. Look at the war in Ukraine. One idiot has been acting like “royals” since ever. Except his goal is to kill and rape today the same way HM ancestors did hundreds of years ago. I mean he is doing it today. Processes are the same. Taking what is not yours.   

Anyways. Caravan continues to go on no matter what. In my little bubble of life not much joy. Yes, joy of being alive, maybe. The rest is gray everyday, every now and then some stupid problems pop up, then you sort them out. The moment you realise you have half day off and pick a book to read in bliss… an email, an invoice, a phonecall distracts you and again, you lose your track. I have been trying to have my home evaluated for a loan since spring. For this I need to make it look like a girl is living here. You read right. Since spring I need to apply for a loan and I have not been able to clean up my home. I have bikes here, I have plants on my kitchentable, I have constant flow of washing and then dryingrack in the middle of it all. Basically half a year and I have not been able to get the evaluation done. Nobody else to blame.

So I have been tidying up my garden at least. Prepping for winter. If all goes well I will have alliums, tulips and narcissus blast in the spring. Alliums are the ones with huge ball shape flowers, from white to violet colours and up to 1.5 metres high. Then I have taken down some strange bush-like trees that come out of nowhere and I have no idea what they are – I mean they must be rubbish as I recognise the pretty and precious trees like oak, birch, ash and so on. 

Plus you can not predict the weather so when you work and sweat in the garden then you usually do not realise the danger of going out on the wind and sun to get some ease. I mean you get some ease, but together with the ease you get draft. Which equals fever in the evening ….. for three or four days. I just slept for four days straight. Too weak to do anything. Literally just get up, make round in toilet, fall back into bed. Tried to read a book, couldnt keep eyes open. So in total I currently have too much negative emotions in my life. The good emotions come from the warzone when ukrainians take back whats theirs. In the same time its bugging me – its not a kind emotion when you realise you are happy over death. You see, the nature is to be proud when winning. But next thought – holy cow, more than 50 000 stupid russians, most of them young, killed. For what. And why, oh why, they just dont go to war…. I dont get it. The same thought, thousands of ukrainians, kids, women, killed in playground, on street. Raped, burned. What a nice neighbour we have. We know our neighbour well, but not one country in EU listened to us in 2014, nor now, in 2022. Their talking heads are too far from the evil russians. We have lived for almost a century with them right here. We know how their mind works. Just as everyone knows how gypsy mind works. Just as everyone knows how jews mind works. Its stereotypes. But to our unfortunate past its many a times true. I can tell you thousands of stories where the stereotypes are way too mild for russians, they exceed the expectations. In a negative way. I have some nice stories too, but they are seldom, very seldom. The usual keywords for russians are loud, stupid, incoherent, no local national language skills, arrogance, violence. 90% of the prisoners here are russian. Its a closed circle that get ammunition from their own arrogance. You see, they refuse to learn official language. Then dont get a good job because for a good job you need to have the local language. Then they are rather poor. Then they try to get some income. Drugs, criminal acts, drinking. While drunk there is stabbing – companions realised the other drinking buddy “doesnt respect me” and kills the blody bastard. I see its a self-cleaning social group, yes. But its the clearcut results of their own Russian Mir that they praise and sing halleluja to. They dont see the logic, ofcourse. They loudly announce we, local “aborigens” treat them unfairly, refuse to pay them good, refuse to give them a job even. Oh, I feel more and more reluctant even speaking to them. They make me sick. 30, 50, 80! years of living here and they cant say one sentence! Yet I am fluent in russian. Fuck them. Close the border, send them back to their mighty country filled with endless milkrivers and cereal mountains. 

Have the gardenworks still do do. From Nederlads came huge box full of various springflowers bulbs. So hopefully I get them planted within few days. Then there is all. Finito. End of season. Closing the house for winter. Opening only for Xmas wonderland (if there is snow, that is), hot stew, pies, grilling marchmellows on fire inbetween the hills of snow, cocoa and rum. Lots of rum to keep warm. Ice will be produced in the garden as its so clean. Tested, approved 🙂

Love you to the moon and back

Take care of kind people and yourself

Ignore and cut out the evil people

Life is too short to waste on anything bad

Slava Ukraini!

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