Oh, well. How can someone lose jeans at home? You know, pants. I found my jeans today. I did not know they were in my closet. Lost them five years ago. Under the pile of clothes. That literally means I have too much clothes. I am ofcourse very happy that I found them as I despise going to shops and looking for decent stuff. The worst is the time when you sort of find something that you like and just in case you go to try them on. And that shit makes you very awake, sober if you will – because you have not seen anything that hideous in your life! Last time I was sort of forced to buy a dress was in the spring for the upcoming graduation parties. I postponed this torture to the last minute, and then that was the day when I had to look presentable. …. So I went to the best department store we have. Cruised around for a whole hour, picked five dresses that seemed like something that would fit and look ok. First problem is the sizes. I dont know why the production cant get to agree on some mutual measurements. Like, when I get Hilfiger M jeans then I can get Guess M jeans too and they would be the same measurements. No, Guess is always pretty wild guess, they never fit. I mean, they fit, but just around my knees, nothing higher. Who are these avatarshaped girls who can wear such jeans? Then I thought, OK, let me check the L size then. Well, this ……. these were so big I could easily sew second pair out of the excess legmaterial.

So I have the five dresses, all pretty fancy. One electric blue, one moss green, one with some flowers and two black dresses. All size 40 just in case, as even though I am size 38 I cant get my E cup into 38. I have tried a few times …. I have succeeded a few times too but then I could get the stuff off again 🙂

So the prettiest is electric blue, goes well with my blue eyes. Open all zips only to realise its more like 34 anorectic size. Take the moss green, get it even on, just to see that if I dare to breathe that would be the end of this dress. I am already exhausted. Its hot, tight fight with the non-40 size 40 size dresses, I am sweating like pig. Pissed off on this non-40 40 dresses. I hate shopping. There is nothing else I hate that much. Every time I feel like I have lost five years off my life, I actually start shaking, unable to breath and I feel like someone that is near 100 years old. I think of quitting this, every fucking time same old same old. Nothing changes. Not even my body has changed yet, I still need the same size stuff, its not like I have lost 20 kilos or gained 20. I am the same size like last 20 years. I dont know what it is with clothes and me. I certainly am not able to remember every labels actual sizes. I tried to remember the labels that I can wear. I only were able to remember, that no “guessing”! Thats because I am “forced” to shop just once in five years. Oh, its disasterous.

So third dress, the flowery, thats very in at the moment – everything flowery. Looks nice on the hanger. I even get it on. Unfortunately the buttons in front dont close. I mean if I ever want to create a great disturbance that is the dress to go for. I might even drop the bra for major impact. But boy, its hideous on me. I look like the Castor man/girl or whatever it is. I think it would be very nice if they had 3 sizes bigger, to actually cover my tits. But then I remember that I took the biggest they had. Size 40. And I am sure the size 40 is nowhere near 40. Or, their 40 is meant for models whose tits grow inwards? I dont know. For a moment I think maybe I got lost in the store and took this dress from the kids ile…… But kids sizes are in centimetres, like 164 or 170 or so. Oh, I again think of dropping the whole thing and go home, lay down and cure this horror with megapint. 

Last time I was so exhausted was when I gave birth.

So now two last black dresses. They both fit excellent. Tits in, ass in, zips closed, buttons closed, I actually can breathe without fear, I can bend, I can sit. Miracle. I am in shock. Because its FIRST TIME in my life! So far I always had to redo EVERYTHING. Every dress, every pair of pants, every bloody jacket, always something not right. I stare in the mirror, I am so tired I feel as if I am not able to drive home even. I sit in the cabin for good 10 minutes staring at the two black dresses. Thinking how weird I must look for the staff and security ( I am sure they follow the cameras every now and then). I have never felt so good. I know its really strange and probably only the big busted girls would understand. The girls with slightly swollen nipples never get me. I mean they always claimed they can run long distances easily 🙂 and they did not get why I had to hold my breast with one hand when I tried to explain that on high speed they would go amok and knock me out! Thats why I quit running – because of my tits 🙂

I remember I cried long when I had my first proper, correct size, correct fit, bra. I believe I was 27. Until then it was always too small. Disgusting looking, you know tits climbing out of the cups, looking like perv Michelin man. 

So I found my fav jeans. Good timing. No more dresses now, its winter coming. 

Stay warm and cool, Johnny!

Themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com