You can’t live with it, you can’t live without it. Guess what it is. It’s death. 

I took on board one oldie, extremely chubby and old, but very lovely Theodore. He was found in the middle of nowhere in deep countryside with no house nearby for ten kilometres. Nobody claimed him. So the shelter took him in, cleaned up, fed, for some 4 months. Because of his weight – I must say, he obviously was someones “home” cat – the shelter kept him in cage so they could control what he ate. He had special vet controlled food, because they thought he is sick and fat. We went to the shelter two years after our beloved stripy warrior Red Indian did not return home. We waited for him to show up. Two years. He did not return. I hoped for him to return, but I knew he will not come. Last I saw him on July 13th 2017. I know this date because he came to me to say goodbye. He wasn’t old but he knew it’s time for him to go to forest. He came to me, stroke my chin for few times, sat down on terrace and looked into distance. Then looked at me. I called him to come to me. He looked at me with that look. I knew immediately. I know this look from childhood. I have seen it many a times. I then tried to catch him. He looked at me with a certain mix of emotions. I think it’s a mixture of arrogance, wisdom, sadness, certainty, very adult look. And pretty big amout of “I am so sorry that you, my human, are so stupid and think you can catch me now”- look. I knew right then and there that I will never see him again. I was sad that he did not want to stay. But I knew he will go. All my pets have left home to die in the forest. Some of them have said goodbye. I have had some fantastic connections with some animals. I know they go. Some sooner, some way too early. Red Indian went too early. He was just seven years old. 

Theodore was oldie. We took him in from shelter. They examined him and figured he is somewhere around ten to twelve years old. He was very smart. Very wise. And extremely fat. Which turned out to be not fat. His build was such. I never seen a cat like that. Huge. Huge head, huge short body. When he first walked in his belly was wobbling from side to side, happy face, curious of new adventure. After sitting in cage or four months he kinda had lost his legs work. He looked like limping and I was worried, but I was sure it was temporary because of the cage-time. And I was right. After three or four days he was walking well and eating well. I gave him special diet food, but nothing changed with his weight. Then in few months I figured the shelter was wrong in assuming he was obese. He wasnt. Shelter obviously does not have many well-fed cats to begin with and he certainly was either lost in forest or kicked out in the middle of nowhere, and found quite immediately after that. He was so funny with his totally round belly wobbling from side to side. Immediately knew how to be cat (sorry, I meant the boss inda house), immediately knew the colourful feathers are for him, Immediately knew the peasants have to feed him well, immediately knew time. Time, you ask. Yes, I gave him nice canfood in evenings. At nine sharp. For a week he was pleased. Then, on one evening I had guests over, we chatted away almost until ten in the evening. Half past nine Theodore came with extremely dissapointed face and visibly questioning if I have forgotten my duties. 

Until the very last day on Earth he knew he had found his forever people. Even if in old age. Better late than never. Everyone took turns to cuddle him, for hours. Just hanging out with him. Lay down together and do nothing. He slept in best spots, on alpaca wool covers. For him, obviously, he figured, and nodded to his peasants. He graciously came when he needed grooming or petting. He had certain worried look on when he had to strike twice – peasant!, you can scratch my belly now! He was so round that when he lifted his hind leg to check the conditions “down there” he just rolled over and felled over :). Hilarious. He was not crumpy, he never had tantrums. But we also gave our best to him. Gave him the best food a cat can have. He had sophisticated taste, that oldie! Today in the morning I laid down on floor with him when he could no more stand up. Kept him warm and whispered his name and fiddled with his fur. Then at 15:16 my Theodore went.  

He will be in the sunny spot in my garden, watching over the birds and the bees.