I am in trouble. Big time. I must say I am dissapointed in myself. I made a promise to myself to write at least once every week. It’s certainly not that now! And I know why! It’s the spring. Spring, when everyting else is more important. Literally everything. I mean garden, sunshine, vitamins, dreaming. Every day in garden takes a day. Once I get home I have to prep dinner and then without myself noticing it’s again 23.00 and time for bed. Especially when it’s workweek. I mean I do not work every day but even so I try to use the “active hours of humans” to get my stuff done aswell. It still does not work always, but for instance I got my lawnmower serviced and that was a big thing. Last year I lost 2 weeks on this as there was some spare part that needed to be changed and while waiting for this spare from Italy all the grass in the field this particular lawnmower works grew up to 30 centimetres high. Which, of course, is too high for the lawnmower. It’s the robots as we call them. Not the machine you pull or push or handle in any way. Those are the ones running independently. I have one from Italy and it’s Ferrari red and sometimes annoying italian attitude. Imagine with the accompanying handgestures robot yelling: it iiiz a too higha of a grasssssaaa for miiiiahh! Somehow I hear it saying “puta”! in the end. That’s not in italian. Maybe my lawn mowing robot speaks Spanish too. Like I swear in Russian most of the time. Not in my mothertongue, nor English. Russian is best for swearing. Juisy. The only good thing they ever brought to us or to the world. Swearing.

So the robot got its bits serviced, all shiny and happy. Now I took it back to the cottage and let it run for a while and then noticed it got stuck by the lake. Apparently the waterlevel is so high that it covers the robots tracks. Unfuckingbelivable. So I took it off its tracks for some time now because after the high waters go away there is like half a metre space not being mowed by robot. That’s how high the water is now, roughly 15 centimetres higher than in the summer. I wish I fixed the bit where my tiny  waterfall is because then I would maintain the high waterlevel all summer long. To some extent at least. But now it’s running wrom the side of the dam. Water made its way from the side. And EVERY fucking year I think I have to fill the part that water has taken away. Yet it’s still and again not done. Now the gap is so big it looks like the high water will take my bridge away soon.

But I worry not. I had 3 days in cottage while I was cleaning and cleaning. Stupid things just laying around, like metal bits that came out of the grounds when I was doing the flowerbeds. Some strange bits made by the blacksmith some 200 years ago. Or later. I can only say those odd bits are handmade, not bulk manufactured. So I have some of these metal bits still that I don’t really want to throw away. As it’s history. I think I will put them on the wall in some place together with the tens and hundreds of horseshoes that came out from when I was digging the floor out inside the cottage. I saved some 50 of them because one point it was too ridiculous to save them. There were hundreds and hundreds of them! Apparently the blacksmith threw the ones he did not like right into the ground next to his working station. I mean there was literally no solid ground, just horseshoes! I hope there was enough of horseshoes he liked!!! Because I sure would be pissed off if everything I made in a day or in a month ended up scrap!!!

So I have one major thing done for the cottage for the summer. I also have the plants growing. Put some veggies and flowers into pots in February already! Nuts, I know. A tad early, I know. But let me tell you – I rather be a tad early then a tad too late! Last year I put my potatoes into ground only on 1st of JULY! Not even Middsummers, JULY! And I have the most generous dirt in my cottage and it gives the tastiest crops ever! Today re-potted the tomatoes. Some of them. As I did not trust all of the seeds would be successful and growing I ended up having tad too many plants. Now I will do some more potting tomorrow and all the excess plants I will give to neighbours or friends with some garden. I shall be friendly 🙂 and generous! Which I am always. Just figured I can brag too once in a decade :). I usually am modest tho. Just once before in my life I have said: “I told you!!!” and I was pretty sad because the reason I said it was not nice. It was a sad occasion of my sis realising her marriage was stupid mistake. Now I know love is blind. Tho it’s not love. It’s mostly lust. We just don’t know how to explain it so we call it love. I am 100% sure it’s not love. It’s nothing but hormones. Let me tell you! At 15 years old I decided I have found the love of my life. Or, he found me actually and I decided that it will be for the rest of my life. He was blissfully unaware of anything I was thinking about because we were busy “sexing” and no words were said during sex. So most of the time we were not talking for obvious reasons. And when we were talking we were slightly drunk and partying. It was time just about when first mobile phones were 3 kilos each and looked like bricks wiht some wires and handle. That means we were not talking on the phone either because I was barely at home and I am sure he did not call his lovers ever. That time. His lovers were calling on his mobile phone, yes. He had one of the first mobile phones on the island. As he was police chief, criminal police officer. Not the mundane stuff like patroling the streets, oh no. He was the guy investigating murders and stuff. Which happened on the island too every now and then. Mainly it happened when some drunkards decided to split the heads with axes or so. Over the drunk loose lady that seemed to be fit for marriage. In their eyes, that is. She was just a working lady. Without taking money as that were the poor times in ex soviet country and she just wanted some vodka and a chat. It’s the men who figured that would be a good thing to have a woman running the household. You know, the strange drunken dream. That sort of sitting and drinking once, at least, ended up the two guys actually killing the woman. The stupid drunkards did not even realise she died. Put her to bed to rest. Only realised two days later she has not moved. I mean…. may they all rest in peace. 

On the island we have at least one, one, clearly and visibly inbred guy. He is my age and he was in school with all the “normal” kids as we don’t have any special facilities on island and probably nothing on mainland either (today that is, soviet era we had the nursing homes with metal beds for the elderly where they put those strange kids with mental challenges too). But he remained on island. So the story goes brother and sister had a go and then he was born. Sister was a tad QQ in the head too and had no clue of what was going on. I assume brother was same way. So they had son and he is still strolling around. His particular features are open mouth and constant walking. He never stops. I never heard him speak either. Today he is still walking, walking, walking. Our own Whitaker family (see Youtube) tho we don’t know who his mother or father are. Probably, well, the council or teachers know but let’s be honest: nobody else needs to know as sure as hell nobody can do nothing about this situation. 

So I have been planning in some more detail the escape from this country I was born in. It sits right next to Russia and I have no will to sit and wait for them orcs to kill me, my family or my friends. Dreadful thing is – a lot of our people have left already. A lot. Never before was it so public. Now it’s allower the social media, news, Facebook, Insta, TikTok even. Even TV show called “Our new life in Spain” or something. Few of my friends, not the closest ones obviously, have sold their homes and left. Admitting they have done so in fear of war. I am afraid of war too. Even with NATO, which is the institution to cool down the believers. The fact is, if Russia attacks us we would be over and done with within 12 minutes. That’s the time it takes for bombardiers (what’s the word for planes with bombs?) to cover the distance from the border to our capital and to bomb the city into ruins. And we have nothing to fight it with. And by the time we wake up (if we wake up) we would have no planes, no ships, no cars to escape with even. Today closest NATO airforce is some 1000 km away. And in the end…. we are so tiny country and nation nobody would even notice we are all gone. 

Today I was on Zuccheros concert. He sure can sing!! Just like 30 years ago. Nothing has time done to his vocals. Damn, he is good! First row as always, seat 16 this time. Next week is another concert. Tanita Tikaram. Yes, I am oldie :).

Another thing I would like to get done is Bruce Springsteen concert and AC/DC concert. They are touring Europe. And I am poor. I just tell myself that some dreams are not meant to become true. Again. Even tho I suppose the singer for AC/DC is Axl Rose I would really love to go. Axl Rose can take more octaves than Mariah Carey. Just so you know. He has the widest vocal range on earth probably. At least in sort of pop and rock and roll music.

But above all I am determined to get the hell out of here withing one year or so. So this May I will be cruising Cannes and Nice for inspiration. Luckily I am not that poor this very moment so I get the plane tix to Nice and hope for the best. Maybe will get to northern bit of Italy too but I am focused on Nice. For whatever reason. It is set in my head that this is my future. I speak 7 languages but not French. Imagine how pissed I am. Knowing all the languages but the one you need. Just realised that. I only got use of my language skills once in my life. When I applied to one German company and the hired me right next day for knowing German and Russian, one being their “homelanguage” and the other being their target country for business. Other than that I also, let’s be honest, got pay increase for each language that I could take exam to a sufficient level. So I ended up being best paid worker in this company. Let me tell you – even tho the cash is nice it is not nice place to be when your colleagues, especially the senior ones, find out your salary is higher than theirs!!!

So off I go for today. 

Johnny, see you in Cannes?

Let me know, write me an email here!

XOXOX