I am, partly very happy, partly pissed off. On my self. You know what?! I made zero macroons for cafeteria. Which means I did not open it today, Saturday. Instead, I enjoyed weather, water, and planting some seeds for summerflowers. Carried out my  terrace furniture which weighs a ton, which is good because then nobody can steal it without a lot of hussle. It’s Finnish production, so heavy I needed neighbour to help me. My Kamado egg is still inside the house because this thing weighs another ton and I can’t really ask neighbour to help with this one. Sort of embarassing that one. You see the Kamado grill is as big as me and on wheels, that bit is good. Inside the house with nice even floor it’s just a bliss to move around, you can just handle it with one hand. Outside, however, I have no smooth pathway from the door to the terrace. It’s just natural grass and that means it’s all the way one big struggle as the wheels are just tiny compared to the sort of holes in the grass and therefore get stuck in there easily. To get it into the house was truly an event. You see the egg is ceramics, round piece of thing, and it sits in sort of a metal frame. Loosely. It’s so heavy you can’t get it out of the frame because it’s heavy, roundy and has no handles. I have seen in Youtube few surveillence videos where some iditot tried to steal one Kamado grill. That one poor bastard!!! So to give you an idea the Kamado grill comes in, I think 5 sizes. I have the XL which is enough to serve 14 people at once. You know, put some meats in, some breads, some veggies etc. There are several levels of racks you can use depending on what you do. I have so far used only two levels and pizza stones. On sides it has two lovely foldable desk kind of things, where you can put your stuff. So the S size is lovely tiny Faberge egg that yoy can have on your tabletop even (well, if you are crazy enough then even indoors, but it’s highly recommended against it). So S size egg serves two people easily, two stakes fit in, and it’s literally the size of carry on suitcase. You can lift it. Woman can lift it. It has the cute metal frame around and wheels too. Like a toy for kids :). Next M size serves up to 6 people. L serves up to 10 people, XXL probably up to 18 or 20 people… Something like that. I don’t really remember the details but you get the point that my XL egg is huge. And because it’s metal and some 5 centimetres thick ceramic it’s heavy as fuck. All together it weighes 320 kilos or something. Two people struggle tremedously to move it on grass path. Back to the idiot now who, as I am fluent in Russian, was russian and he decided the Kamado egg he saw at random luxury home makes a good addition to his fishing joint. Think no more, he went into the yard, managed to open the gates somehow. Remember, it’s a high end house, cameras every corner, and the entertainment ensued. The idiot, let’s call him Vasja, just learned to use smartphone and he had seen those huge eggs there. He is half wild still and does not know what cameras are. By the looks of it he is in his forties or fifties. He stares at few cameras really with his numb end empty stare. He is not drunk, dear everyone. That is his normal look. So he tries to move the egg. Well, it has wheels. He ain’t no dumb, ya all (read it with hillbilly accent for better impact). Well the egg moves nicely. Until the fucking stairs. Just two or three steps. He ain’t no dumb. He seen things fall from stairs in the smart phone (he is written without ‘s on purpose, read again with hillbilly accent). Even though Vasja is russian the hillbilly accent suits well because he is russian hillbilly and talks funny. So he studies the thing and realises the egg moves in the metal frame. Well, think no more! He grabs the egg, lifts it up. The egg is as big as the mans body. Sorry, Vasjas body. Gets down the stairs. And then tries to move fast to the gate he managed to open earlier. His car is right there. But the car is Zhiguli. Those are prehistoric heaps of junk that have just key. If they have. Sidenote> we used to switch them on without any key…. you know, down there you just pull some wires and voila!… Anyways, back to Vasja. He is holding the fucking egg as his life is depending on it. He dumb dumb! In his immense greed he did not open the trunk of his car. Worry not, he turns around and goes back to put the egg back into the metal frame. First. Then Vasja runs back to the Ziguli and with some minor struggling opens the trunk. He runs back into the yard and lifts up the huge egg again. He is overweight, did I tell you? He is as round as the egg too. Vasja last saw his dick 22 years back. Vasja now walks slower, he is sweating like pig and he really needs to wipe his face but he can not. He turns back and slowly walks to the metal frame. Barely makes it. Slowly slides the egg back into the frame, wipes his face viciously, pissed off about the amount of unluck he has. He is bending over to gather some breath, hands on his knees. Breathing heavily he pulls himself for last attempt to get the fucking egg into his car. From his face there is no more enthusiasm. You can see he hates his life. But he is not the one to give up. He lifts the egg up and starts again walking towards his car which has the trunk open. He will bring lovely and one of a kind piece of equipment to his village, he will be da boss, man!

Then the security car approaches. Did they see the funny thing in their cameras while they were driving to the location of alert? I don’t know but they had their cameras ready as if they knew it’s the most hilarious thing they will ever see. 

They ask: Vasja, where are you going with that egg now? 

Vasja, being thick and still pretty wild as he is from the countryside where toilet means hole in the ground, he answers I found this lovely egg that was shown on my smartphone and taking it home. Can you imagine my luck, comrades!?

The security guys burst into laugh. And one said: well, that damn egg is mine so I want you to return it.

Vasja, in shock starts to RUN and manages to make four steps and drops this fucking ceramic gigant egg onto the ground. It breaks into huge junks. Which was very sad to see, because this junk ain’t cheap!!

All of this encounter is on video from many sides and it ends when Vasja tries to run away with his Ziguli. Beat the Skoda. The mighty Skoda 🙂 and fails miserably. In the end it says Vasja got two years in prison. 

Long story short. Don’t leave your eggs without supervision. That’s why I carried it in in the end of season and now I have to figure out how to get it back out without another Vasja coming to steal it. Because they once tried!!

Anyways. Good nite for now. Tomorrow (or actually today already) I will be doing florist work again. And hopefully, really hopefully those macroons in the evening will start coming out.

XOXOX