Just kidding. Coming or going. Doesn’t matter. It’s all rotating around. Ain’t nothing interesting going on. Thought I’d do two parts of this meditational writing so I would have something to post later on and I would not be “dissapearing” for too long like, again, it happened now. My apologies for that. I was well aware of dumping my readers yet I had nothing to say nor write. I did some TikToks, some actual work, some dreaming and some planning. Planning is based on hypothetical win of few million Euros. Or a few hundred thousands, does not really matter as long as it’s six digits or more. More taxes, more desperate men commiting suicide, more fatherless children. It’s also rotating. Forever and ever. Exhausted. And, fearing of the upcoming autumn and winter. Rowan is crazy this year, every tiniest tree is full of berries witch, by our experienced witches, means that the winter will be extremely cold. Halleluja. That’s what’s missing in life of poor people. Poorest in Europe. Not visible when you look at the salaries. But, when you are a tad educated, you look at purchase power. And then you see we are the poorest fuckers in Europe. Which I have been telling for ten years already but who cares….

Have been doing some more singing now. As I usually prep dinner with singing for 30 minutes or an hour I now do other things when singing. To keep my voice “on the go”. Nothing special, just my favourites like Bruce Springsteen, Richie Sambora, AC/DC, Metallica. These kinds of magicians. I can’t do that much because I start to cry. Who can sing The River without crying??? Or Tougher than the rest??? I can’t. I am pussy. Oh fuck, I am again crying! Tried to complete the Harlem rain. Guess what? I could not finish it. Must be full moon or something. I am not usually such a vuzz. Is that even a word…. My singing means I do a-capella. I can’t play guitar or ukulele or anything because of my secret little thing with my hands and some other bits…. My hands are falling apart and I can barely write or prep food. I could do some piano but my two pianos are both just dusting away merrily. Yes, I have autoimmune disease that comes and goes in violent waves that is not killing me physically but surely killing me mentally. Oh, and I am now again limping because of it. Yes, it’s on my feet too and I am now struggeling walking. It’s coming and going means I usually don’t have it visible. But now I have had it visible for some half year or so. The for this shitty thingy is is stress as for most autoimmune diseases. And boy, stress is the only thing I have!!! The outcome of this wave of disease is my hands and fingers are popping into halves and bleeding. They grow up together very slowly. In fact I have two fingers broken and bleeding just as I write this. In addition to fingers my feet are affected aswell. I wrote about it many posts ago but now it has become constant feature again. I can cure it only by being in zen all the time, or by relocating to Italy, France or Greece. Or some other country with sunshine and salty seawater. Here I don’t have much 

I was on island some week ago…. yes, My hometown started to play in my head as a backround again as I was thinking back on that trip just now. Instead of Buick I have Moskvitch and instead of dad I have my mom in this song. I am cursed with something now. I can’t stop the waterworks. Who is thinking of me? 

I just act like I don’t remeber, Mary pretends she don’t care.

Harlem rain by Richie Sambora started to play in my list (something I accidentally created without any understanding and now it pops out every now and then). As a huge music lover and somewhat entertainer I recognise every song I ever liked from the first note. However, I can sing or hum it, and maybe say the artists name, but not always. That is because I had stroke some 18 years back and I learned to talk-walk again. So apologise in advance for that too. So you will not have high expectations.

I shall share this for now so you can get exited of the upcoming post. I will try to keep myself on the line with this now. I did punish myself already for being lazy, believe me. I only have one beer every evening as a dinner. It’s both blessing and a curse 🙂

Stay hot and cool

write to me themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com