There is one thing in life that I dread more than anything. Yes, you have guessed it. It is not eating bugs, going into the small spaces like lifts, flying or spiders. It’s also not working hard or cleaning shit (actual shit even) up or doing anything nasty. It’s shopping. Well, that’s a bit confusing because shopping is nasty!!! I know most people, especially women, find it therapeautic. I certainly do not, unless it’s one of the two things: books or plants. I can spend a whole day in bookstore. Partly because my favourite bookstore has cafe and reading nooks in it. This particular bookstore has been voted the best in the world, and yes, we have it. People behave in bookstore as if they are in library. Silence or lovely classical music sure makes you want to cozy up with hot chocolate and leaf through some lovely books or, hold it!, read one! In this bookstore there is 4 floors, all have nice carpets on, and the youngsters actually sit on the floor and read. There is section for vinyls, some gifts, toys and even various games (like Monopoly or cards or other fancy games someone comes up with every now and then), DVDs, foreign language section too. One year I got almost all Christmas gifts from there, well, half of them because I usually make few gifts to everyone. Book is for sure. Then I could add some funny design stuff like earrings or funny socks that don’t match. Yes, I do love bookstores. That’s my weakness. The only one 🙂

However…. any other store is for quite obvious reason making me sick. Physically even. I get all itchy and dizzy. What’s with the damn lights and incredibly stupid techno music??? With the weird lights, stupid music and no windows I get sick very fast. The mix of these makes my central ear hammer bang viciously so I have thrown up few times in my life. Apparently it happens in planes too, and in cars if I am not driving. The true driver or pilot knows what I mean. I am just not meant for the passenger seat! I break my nails, I throw up, I rather walk for days instead of this torture. Some drivers are just so bad even thinking abou their nonexcistent skills makes me sick. Avoid at all costs!

So every now and then I go to grocery store, obviously. They now have made it also quiet, no techno, no disco, just mellow. No bright lights, you know, like proper establishment for normal people. I have discovered one chain that has made the isles extra wide. Not cramped up so that not even two trollies can pass each other, no. This store has the isles so wide we can fit 6 trollies side by side at once. That means you can actually feel and BE alone in this gigant store say on workday. Not a person on sight. I love it! I usually go isle by isle, and take what I need from each section. For instance I do not eat sweets so I have no point going to this isle. My biggest haul is from cheese, hams and dairy, taking third of my budget. We only have real foods here, fresh and nice. Real butter, real meats, and brace yourself, REAL MILK! We are probably the biggest consumers of milk and dairy in the world. Per capita, that is. We have some pretty lovely stuff there too, unique products. So come over, I shall show you what you have been missing and pretty sure you will not be able to live without those magic things later on.

So shopping for half week or sometimes full week takes place randomly. Whenever I have fridge totally empty…. I have to go. It can be in weekday, after working hours or sometimes also on weekends. Usually I avoid shops on weekends, because I dread people too. I was once on Sunday in shopping mall, and no, no, please, I am ready to pay substancial sum of money to NOT go.

So this Monday, today, I realise I am out of basics. Even milk was out. Going to this lovely huge shop, some may call it supermarket or hypermarket. Whatever you call it, it’s big, not corner shop. Took trolley for my stuff. Strolling with trolley. For cats, TP, potatoes, sushi, hams and then milk. I see one guy, sort of shorty, watching me since I got to the store. Do I know him? No clue. Does he know me? Could be. Well, or, I am just so pretty he can’t take his eyes off of me. Obviously that’s the case. I  notice him by the catfood. And then again in every isle I go. His enthusiastic face when our eyes meet makes me look for exit. I am sure I don’t know him because I barely keep any human contact physical. I am extremely bad with names but I rarely forget a face. So he sort of stalking me in this supermarket. I am loading 6 milk packets to my trolley when he comes straight at me with his trolley looks me straight into my eyes and has the biggest smile from one ear to the other. He asks me something. But I don’t understand what he said, I was so soaked in my own thoughts I did not even get what language he was talking in. Not one thing I recognised. I vaguely smiled and said “sorry, what?”. He repeated again and at the same time smiling wide at me the loudest, longest and most violent smelling fart came out of him. I was stunned. He repeated his question for the third time and acted as if nothing happened. I was in shock staring at him in horror. I still didn’t get what he said. I mean, I speak seven languages and that didn’t sound even like language. He was beaming at me and for a moment there I thought I am in “candid camera” being filmed right this moment. You know in the beginning of television they made such shows where they hid the camera and fooled some people to get some funny reactions out of them. Like the cash on floor being pulled by transparent thread…. things like that. Anyways, I could not breathe cos this stink that came out of him could kill! So for the lack of better solution I just nodded and left the milk section and hurried away laughing. I tried to speed up because he was slowly following me with his beaming smile. What kind of slow zomby attack was that now….

In beer and wine section I saw him again. People, he was with some other man waving hands and mouthing somehting. Oh, boy, they were deaf. Ofcourse! But that stink!

Stay cool and warm

XOXOX