I figured that out now. The damn traffic-reglators that wave you to pass in red light…. They are not at work. They are drunks barely standing up. And one should not trust them even if it’s green light for you, please make sure you stay away as far as possible. The reason is I almost drove over one “regulator” as he was drunk as hell in the morning and all the waving took his balance off and, yes, he fell on the road. Was a close call. Again, I might add, as it’s not the first time that happened to me. Getting a tad weird that…. Imagine there is one and the same accident happening to you several times…. Ok, first one is like “OK”, shit happens. Second one, the same kind of accident, you start to wonder wtf is going on. Third one you look around suspiciously as there must be someone filming this for candid camera or sorts. Fourth time you just yell “oh, c’mon!”. The weirdest thing is that it’s happening in the same neighbourhood, my neighbourhood. Is it the people? Drunkards distribution system has them all here? As far as I recall they were always different people, not that one guy regulating traffic four times in the same place in the same manner almost getting killed by the same driver. Matrix repeating?

Anyways. It’s spring outside now. January still on and no snow when I look out of the window. There was a bit on the sides of highway that I noticed today. I went to check on my cottage. My cottage played a stunt on me. As I was years putting on the ignorance and kept my hopes high…. the house decided instead of me. There was huge snowing and then there was temperatures higher than zero, and all that snow on the roof became heavy as hell and then on 11th January night or 12 January early morning the roof gave in to 40cm of heavy wet snow and catastrophic winds that hit not only England but tiny bit of it reached us aswell. It decided it has enough of the winds, the cottage fought for survival for some 20 years that I own it. Winds shaking the whole roof, sometimes even taking parts with it. I usually were able to put the pieces back and fix it for another year…. and another. I always was scared that one day the winds will take half or all of the roof with it. Never realised the end of the era comes by snow. Well, this time the learning is: heavy snow and heavy winds together certainly make you move your arse. Not entirely pleased of the outcome but now can no longer postpone. I still postpone because I have no money to fix it, but I have decided to not allow the heartache to come or the brain to overload. I just smile. Because the shit has tendency to get sorted magically by itself. So I do no drama over it. It is as it is. I know I have to find finances, well, I will sort it somehow. I also have to do some heavy lifting myself to get the dangerous roof that collapsed into the middle of the house, torn down. I have already called for all my friends and family to come in the last week of February to get it all down. For that time I will arrange the huge skip or two for the roofing material and the useless shit that still is there on the second floor and get rid of it all. I figure there will be a lot of useful wood, some huge logs that kept the house steady and standing for 200 years straight. I certainly will not toss those! All the useless wood will be gathered into a huge pile and we will have the Midsummers fest in the back yard, summer solstice, one of the two parties we as a nation always celebrate. Pagan nation, mind you. In addition all the countries around the Baltic sea celebrate it, Finland, Scandinavia all the way down from Estonia to Poland and as I have heard the coast of Germany also lights up some huge fires. Or maybe it was some other festives they celebrated. I have been to Midsummers fest in few countries but would like to go to Finland once more. It is rather strange there…. I mean the very north part in June is strange as the sun never goes down. It’s exhausting but oddly satisfying. You need and must sleep but you can not. Just cannot as it’s bright and pretty…. I wonder how animals and birds get it done. Can’t remember. That’s why I want to go there again. To feel this weird thing again and see what animals do to cope.

Maybe this year…. This year I also plan to go to south of Europe, not to the very end of it, but somewhere in the middle, on the coast of Mediterranean. So it’s south Europe as next further on to south is already Africa. Well, Malta is there too but I will not go to Malta this time. Even though I love Malta, I recognised my roots being from there, or I lived there in my previous life, I knew the smells, the streets, the coastline. It is very lovely but I need something with better access when ever I need to go. I mean, I have lived on island for some 15 years and it is all pretty but scary too. It’s like prison. You are not in charge. I don’t like to be not in charge. Even tho my cottage took the lead now and I have to accept it. I don’t like it. I can’t change it. So I am going on a trip to find new place to live. In my radar there are France and Italy. Maybe Portugal. But France and Italy are first choices due to languages. Or, to put it fairly, my ability to learn languages :). My mother side of history is from todays Tunisia, Italy and Malta. Her ancestors ran away from war, hid in Malta fascinating shoreline with their armada or what was left of it and came further on to north. I am from there, from much warmer place. I don’t think I can survive another winter here, snow up to hips, ice, terribly expensive, dark. So I really have to put some effort to it this summer. To lead myself, not to give the leading role “to cottage”.

Stay cool and hot

XOXOX