The Mad Hatter

The Mad Hatter came to life by an extraordinary chance. A video popped up in my Youtube playlist. Dont quite know how it works, so was rather surprised. Watched it, in shock. Realised world is spinnig by and I had no idea whats going on……

So, I won the bet.

Out of the blue my friend asked years ago what do I think of Johnny Depp getting married to a fine vixen called Amber. Showed me a pic of her. Or even pic of them…

Right there and then I gave them a year, two max.

I won.

Now I did not know that I had won for many a years! Just found out few weeks ago, in the beginning of May 2022 that this horror of a life has occurred and going on for some 6-7 years already. Fascinating, sometimes amusing, overall extreme sorrow, and a huge amount of surprise. Surprise that the human stupidity truly is, as Einstein said, never ending.

I find it very disturbing that The Mad Hatter has been treated in such bad way lately, for quite some time already, without any break. I just lately closed a courtmatter that lasted 3.5 years, and I was exhausted of it. My counterpart had, and still has, never ending stupidity too. 

I knew it was a really bad decision for these two to get together in the first place. But I suspect I know why it happened. We all want love, companionship, understanding, backup, support. But the Mad Hatter got blindsided, got fooled. Its really unfortunate, its a pity. Because when you look back to the beginnig of this relationship, you feel pain of lost time, lost happiness. Because all this time, every day, every night of this “wrong” relationship, one could have been in the “right” relationship. Some say people tend to choose a companionship similar or familiar. Could be. Some again say, people tend to choose a companion right the opposite to what they are used to. Could be it depends on how old the soul is. The older the viser? Everyone wants to be vise. Everyone wants to make good decisions, good choices. But, as Russian proverb goes: “we wanted to do the best, but turned out as usual”. So I try to remind myself, that no matter what, accept whats coming. 

I hope the theory of “there is no coincidence” would be valid every now and then. That means if your heart is telling you to do someting, to give your all to fulfill the dream/ goal/ future thenyou should do it. Plus, when somehing eats you up alive, thats a sign.

So I figured to take first step towards my own happiness, if you wish. As in another proverb: if Allah doesnt come to mountain, mountain comes to Allah. So I go. 

I hope the magic of Internet would work, I hope this writing gets response from Johnny Depp. I realised its like with lotto – you sure will not win if you dont buy a ticket! So I am hereby buying a ticket. A big one. Because if not, I eliminate any chance of winning. And, everyone wants love, companionship, understanding, support. And I have plenty of these to share.

So suddenly my everyday warnews from Ukraine got slight disturbance. Poping up for reasons unknown are the news of Hollywood. Well, lets see. Oh, what a load of crap. But interesting crap. As I realised I have won a bottle of rum! However, its inhuman. The torture. Years to carry the shit around. Shit, that you had nothing to do with. There is always something good in everything. I hope so. For instance I decided to take on a new modern way of expressing myself. I, the one remaining dinosaur in IT, technology, internet, vlogs, Insta – I have not much clue what is going on…. I have only heard some bits and pieces. So I have taken up a modern way of blogging. To get the terrible things out of me. So to not suffocate under the weight of this terrible situation.

It has been growing inside me, I cant hold it in without going mad. All the evil past that I had hidden in the farthest corner of the darkest cellar in my head. All the evil is starting to fidget again, its all starting to surface again. All thanks to the wrongdoing blasted all over the Internet, Youtube videos, news, all popping up on my screen. Out of the blue as I certainly have not subscribed nor order anything… Thats probably the magic that the dino doesnt know yet.

First things first.

His eyes. From the very first time he came to the screens it was visible. The pain, sorrow, incredible sadness. One can’t delete it from the eyes, one can’t hide it. However, not everyone is able to see. I see.

I have seen such eyes a few times in my life. They usually are owned by someone who comes across as a class clown, joker, funny guy, comedian. You know them, but you usually do not realise they are hiding a huge secret. They look fine. But they really barely surviving. 

The Mad Hatter, incredible kind, slightly twisted, tortured, yes, but so very kind. So incredibly unfairly treated. I recognised this guy immediately in Scissorhands, but liked more as a Mad Hatter. My kind of nutter. Always outcast. Its odd that I never ever fit in to anything. I was the only one in my class that was not accepted to be pioeer in Soviet era. I was the only one in my class that had all A-s. I was the only one living in countryside. I was the only one bullied, from the first day in kindergarden to the last day in school. I am still kicking. Still outcast, but still kicking.

Now. I saw many videos of the courtmatter. Saw gorgeous woman, Christie, in witness stand. Tough gal, would not want to be caught redhanded by her! The moment she said “we had to find green branch for punishment” I knew exactly what she has been through. I know exactly why it had to be green. I have been looking for them myself. Failing to find one fast meant another 10 hits. And that was a good day. A real vaca mode, one would say. The usual was belt, but not the leather end. That was not good enough. Metal buckel in a shape of a heart, and with sharp edges, thats the right way. I was rotting alive as no medical aid was provided. No cream, no nothing. Nothing got cured, as every day, 19.00 sharp, I got a fresh 20 with heart of metal. I was just 3.5 years old when it started.

I need to change the subject. 

Its night now, 2 o’clock. From the past memories I have a severe headache. Not always, but again, I am hardly ever remembering this horror. It took me 25 years to get over it. Almost. As one can never fully recover from such.

How incredibly kind, calm and soothing is Johnny Depp voice. I find it really hard to believe this horrible situation is just now years going on and rolling open on the internet. I find it really hard to believe this all, with all these horrible details, are being discussed in courtroom. I find it really hard to believe A. Heard has not yet stated guilty, paid the costs and hide in the deepest corner of the Earth. She is only contributing to an increasing amount of shame to herself. Thats the Einstein theory right there! Just add arrogance and stir.   

I would love to be in The Mad Hatter tribe. I would hold him gently. I would hide him from the world when needed, there is plenty of places where to hide and nobody would give a shit. Its a place where people of similar statue have been seen many a time. And nobody even blinked an eye. We are good pretenders. We pretend we dont see. We pretend we dont hear. For centuries it meant surviving. Surviving in mean weather. Surviving various kings declaring our land theirs. Surviving 5 if not 6 different wannabe kings. Its still in our blood. Its a good place they say. Crossroad. A good spot as we have all good stuff here – sea, wildlife, wild people :). Air so fresh you have blemish on your skin from sudden change. I live here. Endless forests, beach, forest hut. Pick mushrooms for dinner. Catch a fish for sauna night and if dearing make own beer to go with it. The last takes a bit longer. But time we have.

I have always thought the life we live here would make a good film. Then again, I find this film would be just so goddamn boring for people who are used to todays modern life. I dont have a running water in my home. And some 10 years back there was no mobile reception either. Its a perfect spot for detox. Detox of everything.  

Life is a birdsong. Thats so true. This reminded me one episode of Oprah, where, about 10 years old boy terminally ill, said, each person has a heartsong. Its what you are meant to be. Its what you are meant to do in your life. One should not waste the heartsong. That means one should not waste time on bad, evil, stupid things. Instead, one should reach for better, give all to create better. Better anything. I am sure the boy passed away shortly after the airing. I still cry for him. Dont remember his name. But I cry. As he knew his heartsong early on. I only found it a few years back, being already senior if you will.

I wish the magic of Internet would work and The Mad Hatter would see this “incredible cool and sweet writing” 😉 and! take it as an invitation to the other end of the world. Its Europe, dont be afraid. We have civilisation. Time we have. I wish I could turn back time and make todays horror disappear. Unfortunately that is not possible. However, when the agony ends, one should make an U turn and follow his heartsong.