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112 TV or not TV
I bought one TV set some 20+ years ago. Whatever was “in” that time, it’s flat, it’s colour TV, it has remote control. My first very own TV. Until that I did not own anything really. I had clothes, most I had sewn myself. I had shoes. I had some bags. I was living true vagabond life so I had to keep travelling light. Travelling meant constantly searching for place to stay. In other words I was homeless more or less constantly. In other words I kept on moving from one place to another for many years. Once I counted I changed place for 4 or 5 times a year. Not that I wanted to change, I had to. For obvious reasons usually – how long can you stay in one room apartment where there live young couple and their German sheperd. Or literally a dorm that got blown up and you have no more stairs to get down out of the house…. well, you would not get up to the third floor either, right. So in a way the living situation was not ever going to settle unless I settle it myself.
Luckily I got the highest paid job while winning 33 of my male opponents and that moment my life changed. The job was technical, masculine really, I still am the only female in this industry in this particular bit of the industry. I love this job, I know all there is about this job. I would not change anything about it. And being woman in this biz I feel advantage everywhere. Not one man expects me to be any use in this biz and they are always in for surprise. Surprise in such level that they used to cut my tyres 3-4 times a week. If that’s not proof of a pathetic scared competitor then what is 🙂
So right after being in charge of this international biz for six months I was heading for bank. Or banks really. I needed their offers for mortgage. Got three offers, all totally weird comparing to each other.
One offered me a million because I had excellent traits including my amazing high income, masters degree and all these languages and stuff.
Second offered me 100000 because I was the lousiest client they had ever seen and I was single. They suggested me finding a man and come then to ask for that mortgage again. And I am not joking.
Third started to dicdate stupid stuff and I said to them: please don’t bother, you are embarassing yourself and your bank.
So, as in this part of the earth bank requires downpayment for real estate I booked the time to sign contracts in the two banks that agreed to deal with me. Monday morning I went to the second bank that offered me 100k, got it signed, and as per contract the funds popped on my account on Thursday, three days later. Thursday morning I went to that first bank to sign mortgage after I made downpayment of 100k that I had on my account.
So I got my very first own home and started to fill it up with furniture, kitchen and all sorts of machinery. Set all that up and then ordered the TV guy because THAT, my dear readers, was working with proper cables and connections that time! My TV cables ran under the hardboardfloors, the antenna was somewhere on top of the house and there was tree different service providers so you could not really connect that yourself without screwing something up. Anyways, it was the only thing I could not connect by myself like I connected all the washingmashine and lamps and owen. So the TV got connected, and voila!
It was a big year for me.
Bought my cottage
Got pregnant
Got divorced when I was 5 months in
Mom got stroke and was paralysed and unconcious
Bought apartment on ground floor so I could wheel in my Mom when she gets out
I got stroke and was paralysed when I was 8 months “in”
I gave birth in Jan
Mom died in March
Got fired the next day. Boss came all the way from Germany to tell me that I was not allowed to go around and give birth and abandoning my work duties 🙂
Buried my Mom
Moved in to my brand new apartment when I only had a bed and sofa and TV there. No need for all this huge space now because no wheelchairs coming in….
By the sea. By lovely park. I still live here.
All I wanted to tell you today was in fact that until 1985 or so we only had black and white TVs. And I was the remote even tho we had just two channels. And that’s why I only later in life found out that Harry Belafonte, my first ever love, was dark skinned. For me he was just a stunner. I remember watching in awe the movies that I did not understand much of but boy, he could sing!!! These eyes, these teeth, this voice!!! I first saw black person in 1993 in Germany. And no, we are not white priviledged at all coz we never attacked anyone, we never owned anyone and we pick our own potatoes. And we are poor as fuck.
Gotta run now!
Waiting for Sandman to come
Stay cool and hot
XOXOX
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111 to shop or not to shop
There is one thing in life that I dread more than anything. Yes, you have guessed it. It is not eating bugs, going into the small spaces like lifts, flying or spiders. It’s also not working hard or cleaning shit (actual shit even) up or doing anything nasty. It’s shopping. Well, that’s a bit confusing because shopping is nasty!!! I know most people, especially women, find it therapeautic. I certainly do not, unless it’s one of the two things: books or plants. I can spend a whole day in bookstore. Partly because my favourite bookstore has cafe and reading nooks in it. This particular bookstore has been voted the best in the world, and yes, we have it. People behave in bookstore as if they are in library. Silence or lovely classical music sure makes you want to cozy up with hot chocolate and leaf through some lovely books or, hold it!, read one! In this bookstore there is 4 floors, all have nice carpets on, and the youngsters actually sit on the floor and read. There is section for vinyls, some gifts, toys and even various games (like Monopoly or cards or other fancy games someone comes up with every now and then), DVDs, foreign language section too. One year I got almost all Christmas gifts from there, well, half of them because I usually make few gifts to everyone. Book is for sure. Then I could add some funny design stuff like earrings or funny socks that don’t match. Yes, I do love bookstores. That’s my weakness. The only one 🙂
However…. any other store is for quite obvious reason making me sick. Physically even. I get all itchy and dizzy. What’s with the damn lights and incredibly stupid techno music??? With the weird lights, stupid music and no windows I get sick very fast. The mix of these makes my central ear hammer bang viciously so I have thrown up few times in my life. Apparently it happens in planes too, and in cars if I am not driving. The true driver or pilot knows what I mean. I am just not meant for the passenger seat! I break my nails, I throw up, I rather walk for days instead of this torture. Some drivers are just so bad even thinking abou their nonexcistent skills makes me sick. Avoid at all costs!
So every now and then I go to grocery store, obviously. They now have made it also quiet, no techno, no disco, just mellow. No bright lights, you know, like proper establishment for normal people. I have discovered one chain that has made the isles extra wide. Not cramped up so that not even two trollies can pass each other, no. This store has the isles so wide we can fit 6 trollies side by side at once. That means you can actually feel and BE alone in this gigant store say on workday. Not a person on sight. I love it! I usually go isle by isle, and take what I need from each section. For instance I do not eat sweets so I have no point going to this isle. My biggest haul is from cheese, hams and dairy, taking third of my budget. We only have real foods here, fresh and nice. Real butter, real meats, and brace yourself, REAL MILK! We are probably the biggest consumers of milk and dairy in the world. Per capita, that is. We have some pretty lovely stuff there too, unique products. So come over, I shall show you what you have been missing and pretty sure you will not be able to live without those magic things later on.
So shopping for half week or sometimes full week takes place randomly. Whenever I have fridge totally empty…. I have to go. It can be in weekday, after working hours or sometimes also on weekends. Usually I avoid shops on weekends, because I dread people too. I was once on Sunday in shopping mall, and no, no, please, I am ready to pay substancial sum of money to NOT go.
So this Monday, today, I realise I am out of basics. Even milk was out. Going to this lovely huge shop, some may call it supermarket or hypermarket. Whatever you call it, it’s big, not corner shop. Took trolley for my stuff. Strolling with trolley. For cats, TP, potatoes, sushi, hams and then milk. I see one guy, sort of shorty, watching me since I got to the store. Do I know him? No clue. Does he know me? Could be. Well, or, I am just so pretty he can’t take his eyes off of me. Obviously that’s the case. I notice him by the catfood. And then again in every isle I go. His enthusiastic face when our eyes meet makes me look for exit. I am sure I don’t know him because I barely keep any human contact physical. I am extremely bad with names but I rarely forget a face. So he sort of stalking me in this supermarket. I am loading 6 milk packets to my trolley when he comes straight at me with his trolley looks me straight into my eyes and has the biggest smile from one ear to the other. He asks me something. But I don’t understand what he said, I was so soaked in my own thoughts I did not even get what language he was talking in. Not one thing I recognised. I vaguely smiled and said “sorry, what?”. He repeated again and at the same time smiling wide at me the loudest, longest and most violent smelling fart came out of him. I was stunned. He repeated his question for the third time and acted as if nothing happened. I was in shock staring at him in horror. I still didn’t get what he said. I mean, I speak seven languages and that didn’t sound even like language. He was beaming at me and for a moment there I thought I am in “candid camera” being filmed right this moment. You know in the beginning of television they made such shows where they hid the camera and fooled some people to get some funny reactions out of them. Like the cash on floor being pulled by transparent thread…. things like that. Anyways, I could not breathe cos this stink that came out of him could kill! So for the lack of better solution I just nodded and left the milk section and hurried away laughing. I tried to speed up because he was slowly following me with his beaming smile. What kind of slow zomby attack was that now….
In beer and wine section I saw him again. People, he was with some other man waving hands and mouthing somehting. Oh, boy, they were deaf. Ofcourse! But that stink!
Stay cool and warm
XOXOX
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110 autumn/ keeping my word vol 2
Another run, another year coming to an end. With all the crops ready it sure has it’s charm. Pumpkins, apples, pears, my favourites mushrooms, everything for hearty dinner right from your own garden! When I was younger I had a strange urge to go to my island every autumn. I loved the smell of autumn, mix of mushrooms, pinetrees, rain, expectation and calm. Best reminder that we coming closer to the loooong bedtime are the colourful leaves and not yet freezing cold weather. And the fact that you have to dig out your wintergear again, in my end of the world that means pullovers, boots, hard core snowpants and jackets, hats and gloves. Or mittens. You sure are clever if you do like me – set alarm clock ten minutes earlier in order to get all the clothes on on time and not to run late to work (if you are the poor one working).
Going to island to find the peaceful mind. Put on warm clothes, had a stroll in my forests of childhood enjoying the fact that it had not changed over twenty or thirty years. All intact, each stone, each boulder, even each tree that I knew by heart. Imagine. Some of the trees looked new – those were the ones that were tiny when I was tiny. Now they have grown. For my luck the neighbourhood around my childhoodhome is national forest, not private. So no cutting trees there! All in all it really is exactly like it was before I left the island some thirty years back. Still is. I thought I did get over this painful longing but I was wrong. For some years I just have been too busy to go to island. It takes five hours one way. So if I go I would need to stay for a weekend or at least night or two. This is totally ok but when you go for your secret charging point you don’t really want to see people. No strangers, no own people. I love going incognito but when I am on ferry people already know I am coming home 🙂 coz someone has recognised me and the word travels faster than wind! The truth is I set my alarm clock a whole thirty minutes earlier in winter than in summer. You see, the snow that we can face here is pretty much always slowing us down. Either to enjoy or being pissed off and shoveling it while trying to get your car out of it ;). Plus not every driver is competent driving in winter with all of its pleasures, snow, black ice, zero visibility, no clue of what car does when you drive on ice. I, ofcourse, am pro 😉 when it comes to driving. My favourite is drifting on ice but you can only do it when nobody is around. Or, make a field for this exciting adventure yourself. We used to have farmfield for potatoes which we can now flood over with water in winter, just for this fun activity. Tho we are lazy as we have this sort of excitement all the time in regular traffic 🙂 and nobody would pay for such fun.
Now, who would ever expect anyone saying it, but I am hoping for pretty and harsh winter so we will have iceroad to the island. Did I tell you the Top Gear was here to cross the longest iceroad in Europe but that year back then it didn’t work out because it was too mild winter. So instead they went to neighbours…. all the way up to Santas place in Lapland.
So now prepping for winter already. Closing the cottage, cleaning up the garden. I had two of the four toads that live in my cottage moving in, left the door open for them. Yes, I am perfect host among the other things:).
Also prepping for Christmas, yes, the earlier you start the smoother it will be. I will have special production of macrons for this season, 18 lovely macrons in a black tin box with golden trimmings. Now thinking of what flavours I will do them, probably will keep it modest, maybe maximum some 6 different colours and flavours so I will not go nuts. Would be nice to get some christmassy flavours for the first time too. Thinking of cinnamon-apple for instance. And old favourites orange and lemon, some nuts, some pear. Will do the list to not forget all my grand ideas!
So, now I am going to do my winter gear check. Boots to be cleaned and sprayed with protection, coats and jackets, see if the hats are clean and if gloves have pair still. On Sunday will start the day with 12 centimetres high pile of pancakes, comedy show and a lovely mug of Colombian coffee. Just coffee, no addins you naughty reader thought of :). Then a stroll in my garden, maybe do some last minute planting of tulips and such, and hopefully enjoy some of the last rays of sunshine.
Stay hot and cool!
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109 I am keeping my promise vol 1
I am keeping my promise to write weekly even if I fell ill suddenly. Ofcourse on Friday evening. As always. You know just in case it’s serious then you have to go to emergency room not your regular doc. It’s a no brainer – important health things always start on weekend or at night of the workweek. To keep it on edge, your life that is, to keep you living on the edge. As apparently your life is way too boring otherwise. So enjoy the sudden forced vacation. Make the best of this. Read a good book that you have put off for, again, year or two, you lazy arse!
I could only sleep sitting up. How annoying is that!?! The moment I leaned too much someone (I swear it’s someone!!!) started to tickle my throat and I coughed so hard I could feel my brains and eyes and lungs coming out. Every bit of my upper body wanted to leave me and was actively showing it. I could not breathe in with this violent coughing so once I got it someway under control I was totally exhausted and pretty close to fainting. I was sitting straight up, face wet, tissuepapers everywhere as I tried to not “spray” my mucus and batsillus all over my bedroom, I was shaking from this attack thinking damn, this is not how I am going down! Coughing uncontrollably was never my choice for death. I am more like laughing to death, that’s what I have booked.
Made another round of mushroom sauce from the “coma” mushrooms growing in my backyard. Lovely! Just incredible! The only minus with these is one can not drink alcohol when eating exactly these particular mushrooms. I read it in several languages and I refrained from testing the possible outcomes myself. To be honest it was a struggle because I love one beer for my dinner (unless I make fish, then I’ll have wine), usually even AS a dinner. The last is especially valid if I run late as I don’t like to eat after 6 or 7 in the evening. That is valid for cold seasons. In summer I can eat when it’s light outside, so up to midnight if I have company. When alone I still have just beer or wine as dinner. Yes, bubbly too every now and then. Nothing beats good cava, prosecco or sparkling rose!
I was chilling in the backyard one day, reading about orcs invasion to Finland in 1700s. Nice day, out on a sunbed, naked, taking last drops of the sunshine we have before roughly six months of darkness coming our way to enjoy…. Depressing piece, but truth as our own stories of these swamp-people invading our country, I recognised many a scenes in this book. Reading my book when suddenly I felt someone watching me and immediately felt someone snifing my elbow. For a moment I thought someone is pranking me but I have perfect hearing (I can hear you charging your phone, yes, I am not normal, we have established that many moons ago) and I did not hear any footsteps on gras. Thousands of thoughts in a millisecond in my head, I don’t even turn my head yet and from the corner of my right eye I see it’s animal. Big one, not cat. Sudden heatburst goes instantly throughout my body, instantly sweating because I obviously don’t know the “guest”. Next second I turn and I see very lovely, clean and healthy young fox! He or she came to have lunch, eating away the catfood that I put out for the homeless cats in my neighbourhood. I have seen the evidence in my field because they do not cover their shite, so in my mind I sort of knew it’s a fox before I saw him or her. Do we use “it” for animals we don’t know the sex of? It was a very lovely lucious thing, strong, certainly well-fed :). My neighbours caught it on camera while it was eating away the pears in their garden. I bet it eats leftover pizzas too as it’s been proven half of people do not eat the edges of pizzas where is no topping. I can bet those edges don’t go to bin at neighbours pizzaplace or, if they go, it serves like buffet table for the fox as it’s an open air pizzeria. And I knew there is fox coming to my place because I know shit. Literally. I saw some ten piles of shit of fox before I saw the fox. There are particular looks for each animals shit. For your future reference, as you might need it, foxes’ shit is full of berry seeds, berries themselves, and it’s pretty dark brown and you can see some hair in it that is probably from mice or rats or bigger meals like rabbits. I am pretty good in shit 🙂 being a wild cat myself as I spent most of my days in forests and seasides since I was five years old. So foxy fox was right next to me and as it looked very healthy with its shiny coat and clean unsuspecting face I was not much worried, you know, of rabies or anything. I have seen rabies too, not a nice site! So for a moment we stared at eachother, then it decided to be scared, jumped with all fours and magically turned 180 degrees while airborne and took off. Well, maybe next time we will get acquainted then.
So reading away I tried once more but then sun gave up on us and I had to get dressed. The weather is so confusing now I call it PMS weather – it’s nasty and can’t decide what to do. Sudden turn of the weather meant I had to do something useful in the house or in the garden. I chose planting hydrangeas. Yes, I am good like that. Excellent gardener, excellent designer. I made good progress in the garden that day. With me the problem is if I have choice, I choose doing fuckall. I always choose doing fuckall in summer or in good weather because it’s sacred here. We go months without seeing sun, barely any daylight at all, it’s just constant fog or gray or just zero to enjoy. Soon will be snow but that’s fun just for awhile, until you have to dig your car out of the metre high snowdrift. Or, even worse, some idiot crashes into you on the icy road. The heating bill does not contribute to happyness either. And Finland has been voted the happiest country on earth for six years in the row…. go figure. I wonder if they are aware that they are happy. I doubt it big time.
In addition to planting the hydrangeas I started to clean up the garden for winter. Dragged the tomatoes out to compost, washed the pots they were in. Then cleared the lavender flowerbeds off weed, mainly nettle, now it looks like there is a proper lady living in the house, not witch. Tho I have black cats there that i feed :). And I am redhead and a tad crazy so I fit the bill perfectly 🙂
In spring I will open part of my cottage for accomodation. Rustic, even primitive, in the middle of nature, basic stuff for people loving simple things. So now prepping for it already. Will be some investments, some building, some cleaning, some designing. Over the winter I will prepare all the textiles I need, I sew part of them from scratch. Then I will have to prepare the online site for bookings, etc. Photomaterials, videos, some I already have. It will all take time as I am not professional and I still have two jobs that I do every now and then :). 24 hours seems too short for a day. So I set achiveable goals to not get pissed off on myself….
Off to take a walk with mr Sandman now,
stay warm and cool
XOXOX
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108 yes, I’m sorry
Again, I must apologise for this long gap in my mighty blog.
First things first. I went to my house/ cottage and hold and behold! there they were, muschrooms! Right on my lawn. Right the same way as every year with the exeption of me being on time to pick them. They are called Coprinus comatus. Right so, did I say “comatus” as in coma??? Funny isn’t it! Let me get straight to this – I have never tasted better mushroom sauce in my life! And I made it! The best part is I am still alive. That, in fact, means, that those mushrooms indeed were edible :). I know some mushrooms we have here, and we have a lot. Most common ones are not to be seared on pan just like that “coma” mushrooms or boletus. Instead most are for marinating for winter. I love those too but I don’t marinate them myself. It’s pretty exhausting work to clean them up in the first place as you always bring some spruce or pine needles or even spiders and other creepy crawlers in with the mushrooms. Luckily we have some enthusiasts scavengers that pick the mushrooms for some fair money so you in fact can order what you want and they will go foraging. Or, the other way around the foragers go to forest, clean stuff up and in the morning advertise in Facebook. I bought some sea salmon like that, or other fish some time ago. Real salmon, real fats, real taste, not the orange-pinkish thing they grow in farms. Let me tell you: once you try real fish, wild one, you will never like the farmed ones. Yes, that’s the sad reality of being in small country with cleanest nature :), we get spoiled early on. I am pretty sure I have written about our foods earlier too, but repeating is the key to success, right. In addition to clean (I mean as clean as our seas are…. that’s another question with not the best real answer….) real fish we also eat real butter, real meats, and more and more people now refuse bying the cage-kept chickens eggs. Wheat and other crops are local and one of the best things people say we have is black bread. It’s pretty commong around here, extremely tasty but probably we have inborn taste for it. Maybe for foreigners it is strange as our meat in jelly :). Whenever someone goes for longer period to live in foreign country there are the unwritten rules for everyone visiting a fellow countrypeople. One must take black bread, our herb liquor and canned sardines or herring with you as a gift. Let me tell you the bread and the herring tastest exquisite in London or Paris after tons of croissants and beans! I have witnessed half a kilo loaf disappear within half an hour!!!
So for now on I will keep you updated better. I promise. I have some notes that I need to write down now and stop embarassing myself with this lazyness…. or whatever it’s called.
I shall try to make a chapter every week, even if it’s short and maybe not much of an interesting topic or outcome.
Stay tuned!
XOXOX
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107 I’m coming!
Just kidding. Coming or going. Doesn’t matter. It’s all rotating around. Ain’t nothing interesting going on. Thought I’d do two parts of this meditational writing so I would have something to post later on and I would not be “dissapearing” for too long like, again, it happened now. My apologies for that. I was well aware of dumping my readers yet I had nothing to say nor write. I did some TikToks, some actual work, some dreaming and some planning. Planning is based on hypothetical win of few million Euros. Or a few hundred thousands, does not really matter as long as it’s six digits or more. More taxes, more desperate men commiting suicide, more fatherless children. It’s also rotating. Forever and ever. Exhausted. And, fearing of the upcoming autumn and winter. Rowan is crazy this year, every tiniest tree is full of berries witch, by our experienced witches, means that the winter will be extremely cold. Halleluja. That’s what’s missing in life of poor people. Poorest in Europe. Not visible when you look at the salaries. But, when you are a tad educated, you look at purchase power. And then you see we are the poorest fuckers in Europe. Which I have been telling for ten years already but who cares….
Have been doing some more singing now. As I usually prep dinner with singing for 30 minutes or an hour I now do other things when singing. To keep my voice “on the go”. Nothing special, just my favourites like Bruce Springsteen, Richie Sambora, AC/DC, Metallica. These kinds of magicians. I can’t do that much because I start to cry. Who can sing The River without crying??? Or Tougher than the rest??? I can’t. I am pussy. Oh fuck, I am again crying! Tried to complete the Harlem rain. Guess what? I could not finish it. Must be full moon or something. I am not usually such a vuzz. Is that even a word…. My singing means I do a-capella. I can’t play guitar or ukulele or anything because of my secret little thing with my hands and some other bits…. My hands are falling apart and I can barely write or prep food. I could do some piano but my two pianos are both just dusting away merrily. Yes, I have autoimmune disease that comes and goes in violent waves that is not killing me physically but surely killing me mentally. Oh, and I am now again limping because of it. Yes, it’s on my feet too and I am now struggeling walking. It’s coming and going means I usually don’t have it visible. But now I have had it visible for some half year or so. The for this shitty thingy is is stress as for most autoimmune diseases. And boy, stress is the only thing I have!!! The outcome of this wave of disease is my hands and fingers are popping into halves and bleeding. They grow up together very slowly. In fact I have two fingers broken and bleeding just as I write this. In addition to fingers my feet are affected aswell. I wrote about it many posts ago but now it has become constant feature again. I can cure it only by being in zen all the time, or by relocating to Italy, France or Greece. Or some other country with sunshine and salty seawater. Here I don’t have much
I was on island some week ago…. yes, My hometown started to play in my head as a backround again as I was thinking back on that trip just now. Instead of Buick I have Moskvitch and instead of dad I have my mom in this song. I am cursed with something now. I can’t stop the waterworks. Who is thinking of me?
I just act like I don’t remeber, Mary pretends she don’t care.
Harlem rain by Richie Sambora started to play in my list (something I accidentally created without any understanding and now it pops out every now and then). As a huge music lover and somewhat entertainer I recognise every song I ever liked from the first note. However, I can sing or hum it, and maybe say the artists name, but not always. That is because I had stroke some 18 years back and I learned to talk-walk again. So apologise in advance for that too. So you will not have high expectations.
I shall share this for now so you can get exited of the upcoming post. I will try to keep myself on the line with this now. I did punish myself already for being lazy, believe me. I only have one beer every evening as a dinner. It’s both blessing and a curse 🙂
Stay hot and cool
write to me themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com
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106 heatwave
I choose to love you in silence
for in silence I find no rejection
I choose to love you in loneliness
for in loneliness no one owns you but me
I choose adore you from a distance
for distance will shield me from pain
I choose to kiss you in the wind
for the wind is gentler than my lips
I choose to hold you in my dreams
for in my dreams you have no end
Thats shortly about today 🙂
It’s so hot now I just sit and sweat. During day some +30C, now it’s almost ten in the evening and thermometre shows 22C. I sit and sweat. No wind. Had beer and it just pouring out of me. Ladies, you know what part of female body sweats if the bra size is 38G. Yes, under boobs. For a moment there I thought some bug is crawling on my belly but no!! It’s sweat running down!! Unbelievable. I haven’t even moved and I sweat. Last I sweat like that in delivery room. And before that when I was 13 and running long distance competition fighting for my country. Sweating is nasty. I need cold shower. Or just lay down on stonefloor. It’s pretty difficult to sleep in this heat and it runs you down in few days. I could not take it anymore today. Or, in fact, my body could not take it anymore. Came home at about noon, did my work in computer and had lunch and then my eyes! I just could not keep them open anymore. I suspect it’s either from the constant “non-sleeping” at nights or I have some sort of insomnia. I have had this weird “insomnia” attack before several times. It’s not insomnia, it’s weird. Let me explain.
For instance one of the times IT attacked me in the middle of the day. I looked up the shop that I needed (today I don’t remember what it was, but then I needed to get to one particular shop that only excisted in one particular place) opens at 10 in the mo. No, I avoid shops at all costs but this time I wanted to go early as in hopes that there are not so many people around. So. I wake up, have my slow morning, get dressed and drive some 15 minutes to that shopping centre. Huge parking lot, free parking (good ol’ times). Imagine, I barely made it to that parking lot. I left house, sat into my car and thought weird, my body is more exhausted than ever yet I just woke up. I drive, barely able to keep my eyes open. I am pretty confused by that time as this was the first time this weird thing happened to me. I sit up straight in my seat and open all windows to stay awake. Put on some loud music. I make it to the parking lot and that’s when it really hit me. I could no longer move nor keep my eyes open. No, there was no pain. My eyes just closed to sleep. I locked cardoors, opened windows so that I would have air, switched off engine (because here we have 2 minutes rule for parked cars) and let my seat down. Let me tell you! I was fast asleep within 20 seconds. It was 10.15 when I parked the car. I woke up without ever moving at about 16 in the early evening. Just slept whole work day in parking lot. Whole day. Without moving slightest. I don’t know what IT is.
Another attack of IT was in the highway. Going 120km/ h I suddenly felt I can not do it one second longer. No, we have no emergency stops, no places to pull over. But I had to stop. I kicked on the blinking emergency lights, pulled over to side as far as possible from the lane and the moment I stopped, it seemed, I was already sleeping. I slept there on the side of highway for three hours. Again, no moving, nothing. I probably looked like dead person. Luckily nordics don’t give a damn so nobody bothered me. I woke up and continued as if nothing happened.
It has happened at work too. This is tough one because I work at extremely dangerous places with heavy mashinery around me at all times. Let me tell you, you can not sleep standing under cranes or when berthing ship is next to you :). At work I have only one option. To go to car or to toilet, put alarm on 20 minutes and pray I wake up when the alarm goes off. Before that I have to find someone who can take over for 30 minutes or so and that’s another thing that usually is not possible. Luckily all my workmates are men and more or less decent ones so when I say I need to go they usually nod and take over.
Today it happened again. Luckily I was on the way home anyways. I can’t do anything to fight it, nothing works. I just fall asleep when I walk or sit. It must be something medical. I have been sleeping in cars on roadside, parking lots, airport, parks, beach. Today I made it home and slept from 14 to 19, again without moving a bone. It’s a weird thing.
Anyways. Off to cottage now. Driving at night is my favourite as nobody on the roads. Will be one night there and then off to beach in one of the famous Kurorts we have. One of which VIP from St. Petersburg visited eagerly in 1800-1900s.
Stay cool and hot,
XOXOX
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105 summer bliss and curse
You know the traffic regulators. The ones that show up on Saturday mo or are highly active right about on 5th or 10th dates every month…. Yes, the ones lost motivation to stay sober and those folks end up wasting all of their salary by 6th or 11th. And they wiggle on the streetside looking suspiciously fragile and unstable for all the drivers who try to guess if this zombielike thing is about to fall under the car or wants to cross the streets. So I drive and keep guessing. It looks as if zombies have taken over. One of the zombies stops on the zebracrossing, it’s zebra without traffic lights. You know, white stripes on the street where people cross the road. I stop because I have to, by the rules, let the pedestrians cross if they appear to be wanting to cross. And then the fucking regulators become live. The barely standing, drunk as fuck man starts to wave and rotate its hands, then grabs the lightpost because apparenty the wave was wayyyyyy too much for him and almost took him out. Those zombies only apprear right after payday. Imagine having no meaning nor purpose in life but to get minimum salary, and the moment the phone (if you have one) makes “peep” you head for the cheapest vodka you can find. You get it and drink it alone. Alone because you are a survivor and smart! If you would have company there is a high risk of getting into some sort of lame argument and knife ending this argument. It’s pretty common here among those poorest of all. Mind you, most of the poorest, I mean the regulators, are russians. It’s a vicious circle they refused to get out of. The circle they chose was not to learn local language, hence ending up with worst jobs ever, the ones where no talking is needed. Like gravediggers. Any job with shovels. So they get the worst jobs if they get any at all. And then become friends with similar gangstas. Cursing all the locals, praising “poo tin” and dreaming of “poo tin” coming to bring back the good ol’ times and “rescue” them.
It’s useless to try to convince them. They used to have chill life when they were young: free apartment or a house upon arrival (taken from locals just like israeli zionists taking houses from palestinians), job in joint called “kolhos” or “sovhos”, money coming in, “chicks for free” that were also sent to here to bring us “culture”. Culture they brought yes…. Russian culture mainly consisted of toilet that meant hole on the ground, evening out meant endless vodka, beatings, killings. Resistance was subdued with killings, deportations to Siberia, or just taking your belongings, house, farmanimals. If you were rich in 1920s you were usually sent to Siberia. If you were stupid and rich and resisted you were shot to head behind sauna. And we were rich that time, better off than Finland.
So those regulators. One almost fell under my car while regulating the traffic. I was the only car on the street and he was persistant that I must go. The moment I took my foot off the break he lost his grip of the lightpost and fell face down right in front of my car, right under my car with his head. That damn regulator!!! I hit the breaks and jump out of the car to see where he is. Just 2 millimetres more and his head would be crushed by my tyre. Damn russian bastard! And he was so drunk, pissed (probably not only piss!) pants, stinky and dirty, unable to speak I could not leave him there. I called the police to come and take him. When police came this idiot claimed he wanted to go to my place. Horror. He was literally drooling on my boobs, trying to grab them in the broad daylight!! Babbling something on juicy and tasty in russian. Gross, gross beyond imagination. I feel sorry for the police officers who have to wear gloves because they have to drag this stinky bastards into their car.
This is the culture we were gifted by russians. Top notch.
But more on the bright side now. It’s raining, sunny, raining, sunny menu now. As I am sitting and writing this in my cottage on the terrace I enjoy pretty much summer like I used to have in Italy. Some sort of cicada like creatures are pretty busy and it really feels like Italy except the humidity is different. Our weather is somehow easier to bare as it’s more humid by the sea. 30C here and 30C in Italy are totally different experiences. Now the sun disappeared and I can hear thunder right above my head. No rain yet but I can bet it’s going to be a blast somewhere near. I probably will not get rain here because swallows are flying high. If they fly right above ground there will be rain. Now they fly above rooftops, so no rain. Imagine how boring of a childhood I had to have to know these kinds of signs of upcoming weather 🙂
Will go to island in one week, tix bought already. Cheduled carting, will go around lighthouses if we fancy we can even climb up the 500+ years old stairs of one of the oldest still operating lighthouses in the world! Hope to have a lot of fish, perhaps already flounder is fatty and nice. Will take stroll at discgolf course that is next to my home and most probably just have a day on the beach aswell. The discgolf is a funny thing in the forest. It’s not golf, open wide fields. It’s sort of baskets in the middle of wild forest and you have the discs that you have to throw into the baskets with as little throws as possible. In Sweden, for instance, using the discgolf course is with tickets. Just like golf, or any other activity. Which is hilarious. Because here it’s for free, the discgolf that is. We have free outdoors gyms on the beaches and in the parks, free obstacle courses in the forest, some of which go pretty high onto the trees so you will be like Tarzan. Fascinating is that the poorest countries have such things free. I could bet if the tickets would be charged nobody on their right mind would use them.
Fed the stray cats now. 2 babies that are 3 months old, 2 cats that are some 3 years olds and one huge old black male cat. His head is gigant and he is in bits, but recovering. Must be the local terrorist fighting with all males that are not castrated. Simple minded villagers don’t go to vet to get snip snip. So I end up having some 9 cats in my yard again. I put up the cage to catch the one female that is pregnant again. She is due any day now and he idea is to catch her, get her kittens at home, and then sterilise her. She had 4 kittens in spring, of which 2 are here at the moment, hiding under terrace. I have now friend who wants to help out and if we catch this pregnant one, my friend will take her home. From there we will see either we keep the female or bring back to live wild in the cottage which is sort of a dumb idea in our climate as in winter it gets into deep minuses. Better try to find her and her kittens homes. So, if you need working cat, let me know 🙂
Stay hot and cool
Will go to prep some dinner now (this time real food too, not only beer :))
XOXOX
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104 I’m all good!
Dear all,
sorry for the silence in the air! I am ok, all doing fine, the usual stuff.
Have been extremely busy and surviving at the same time. Work needs to be done, prepping for cafe and surviving the heat that goes on and off switching between heavy rains and crazy heat within few hours. Not quite complaining about the weather as it is the best balance for all sorts of crops and produce. But physically it is pretty hard to endure for nordic people. Plus it’s annoying to put on rainy day clothes and then end up sweating like pig. But bare with me – I have invented the best solution for it. ALWAYS keep bikini in your bag or in the car or somewhere with you at all times. I discovered this few years back when I went to beach in the other end of our country and when I was packing the weather forecast promised snow and weird subzero temperatures at night. So I had my winterjacket with me AND bikinis. Turned out perfect combo! Within one day I had to change 4 times from bikini to wintergear because the weather was changing so fast.
So now baking macroons, pies, prepping doughs, and yes, it’s double the heat :). I wish I would have all success with them macroons, but no. Can you imagine, the success of baking macroons depends higly on weather! If it’s rainy you are pretty much going to ruin the macroons. Unless you have two ovens like I do. It’s still a drag because it takes longer than with sunny day. I will explain you later or when you come to take baking courses with me 🙂
While baking I usually put some comedy on now. I used to put heavy metal or rock on but if your windows are open (due to heat) and you put on max decibels then your neighbours might object 2 o’clock at night listening to your music choices :). So comedy it is for now. And good one. From the Two and a half men one joke about our lovely neighbours’ neighbours:
– U should date some nice Polish girls, they are nuts in bed
– why…
– well, they are nuts in bed because sex is the only thing they did not have to stand in line for!
Short, to the point, and true.
Off now to do some more baking. It’s noontime and I am already exhausted even though I woke up at 10 :):)
Stay cool and hot!
XOXOX
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103 hot, hot, hot
Heatwave. Yesterday, on Friday, I saw 34C. That’s 93 in Fahrenheit. It was a workday and I had to run some errands, driving for half day in the city, sitting in the black car all windows down. Because I do not want to get ill from AC. Yeees, I know. But I have another reason why windows were down and jeans were literally stuck on me as I was profusely sweating. I guess I was sweating because so far I have known sweat coming from armpits and face, and occasionally buttcrack. Yesterday I encountered sweat coming from my back and thighs? I really did not piss my pants but they were totally wet. And I certainly did not piss my back while taking odd positions but my tee was also soaking wet. All in all it was disgusting. I met my friend Tony on the street when I was galloping to my dentist. I have not sen him 15 years! So we hugged and that was disgusting. But we said nothing. Had a lovely chat with him. He is cool and one of the people I know who has most unexpected life simply happening to him. Let me tell you.
Tony is from Ecuador. He was professional concert pianist in Moscow and St. Petersburg for almost a decade or so. He was teaching piano to keep boredom away. He learned Russian, he is fluent in it. He left Russia because he was getting paid peanuts and it was not interesting anymore. Went to Paris. Lived there for three years, played piano, teached piano and learned French. He then moved to Finland and found a lady there whom he married. He now learned Finnish to keep boredom away. This lady got work in Finnish embassy in Estonia. They moved to Estonia. He learned Estonian to keep the boredom away. All while doing some translation work for European union various offices. So Tony is fluent in …. Spanish, English, Russian, Finnish, Estonian, French. And can handle Portugese and Italian. He is one language ahead of me. Well, sort of, I don’t speak Spanish nor French. Yet. But he doesn’t speak Polish nor Ukrainian. So in the end it’s a tie. Sort of. Almost. Because he probably would understand Polish and Ukrainian too. So he gave me a lot of motivation to learn Spanish and French. To keep boredom away 🙂 and I shall keep boredom away.
Now in cottage. As a contrast to yesterdays heatwave now, in the eve or at night, it’s 17C, roughly 62F. And to no surprise I am freezing. I made my bed in sauna (the building, not steamroom 🙂 ). I have now three blanckets on, one of them is with down, one woollen. I still have cold toes. I did not take any clothes with me, nor socks. Nothing. Because it was supposed to be summer. Freaking summer!!! Obviously it’s over now. Hailstorms was promised for today but we had nothing. It would again, destroy all crops, or plants like tomatoes and things. So I was prepared to carry my plants under the roof. My tomatoes are in special boxes, they have even wheels. I keep them outside because I don’t have greenhouse yet. And with those hailstorms more and more frequent I am suspecting I will not be having one any time soon…. Maybe once I move to France, depending on the weather there.
I was going through my stash of clothes and shoes, looking for my Birkenstocks. Not the wooden ones you should be able to walk on water. I have all white ones with that thing in the middle of toes. Now, how can one lose shoes? Tell me. How? I bought them when I was last on quest looking for best coctail in Tenerife. I walked tens of kilometres from my hotel to Hard Rock cafe. Every day. I wanted to get tan, fit and hungry by the time I got there. And so I did. Two day walking, my feet are burning. But all I could think of were the coctails. They make mean coctails. So on the way back to my hotel I was getting slower and slower. Took my shoes off and walked in the ocean to cool down a bit. Oh, bliss. I remember my feet were so over I figured I will walk either barefoot all the rest of the vacation or get myself something new to ease the pain. To be honest, I already had my most comfy shoes with me, flipflops, sneakers, thigs like that. And then, some half way back to hotel them spaniards have put a port. Tiny port for local ferries that go between the islands. I had to get off the water and put on these dreadful shoes that in my homecountry are the most comfy things ever, but in heat they sort of shrink :)…. OK, my feet were swollen from the heat and ten plus kilometres every day. I dragged myself out of water and conveniently saw shop for tourist. Somewhat fancy shop, not the rails-on-street-kinda thing, proper one with elevators and electricity and card payments. Airconditioning too. So I had to put my shoes on because the stone floors together with AC would be killer combination and I would end up sick for sure. And there they were. Birkenstocks. I can’t make myself wear the originals so I opted for new fancy look of soft foam like plastic shoes yet same comfort! I tried them on, and I kid you not, I felt like in heaven. No pain, no burning, just cool and soft. When the port came my way I contemplainted on taking a cab to hotel. Now with the long dreaded ol’ farts shoes turned top modern I was ready to walk another ten kilometres. It felt unreal. I did not feel them on even. And now brings me back to original question. How can you lose shoes?
It’s 1 at night. Some animals running on my terrace in front of the sauna and I try to see who it or they are but no luck so far. Silence now. Month ago the birds were singing nonstop. Now they prepping for Egypt I guess. It’s also darker again. After Midsummers the nights get darker again and in August the skies are the prettiest. Full of stars.
Good nite now,
Will give another go with the Birkenstocks tomorrow. Will pretend I really want to find them…. Instead I would not mind going to Tenerife to find a new pair 🙂
Tuuduluu
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The Mad Hatter 