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102 Midsummers
– What are you in for?
– Drunk and disorderly. Or, as I call it, Tuesday.
Watching my favourite shows on Youtube. Hot in Cleveland is one, Two and a Half men is another. Just easy listening for my “blackdrop”.
I had some florist work today. Hence I did not go to island but stayed on mainland and not-celebrated the midsummers festives. I don’t really bother with the nationwide or even international get drunk fast and yell all night long parties. All our neighbours do it, polish, swedes, finns, probably also danes. Previously pagan countries of which only the most northern kept their senses and fouhgt off the rapist, killers “christians” bringing us freedom. Reading a really good book on this, take on this forced on “freedom” in deep Finland, in the very end of the world. Action takes place in Swedish/ Finnish forests and villages right by the Russian border, in 1700s (my guess as the people have no surnames yet and there is big winterwar going on and russians were occupying great bit of Sweden and Finland, again). The common name for russians is ryssΓ€. That today is very negative word used for russians. RyssΓ€ in general is nasty bastard coming to kill locals, rape and steal all they can. And they always tried to bring culture to all of their neighbours. The other set of people in the book are brainwashed christians who sane locals expelled from the villages. The pastor, one of the main characters, ran to bog and hid in the proper house that one pagan built years ago. The pagan man still lives in the bog and brings, to the pastors surprise, food to the doorstep. Everyone rejecting christianity was considered pagans, and therefore bad. Yet this so called pagan was just a guy (and we are just people) who does not believe things that he has not seen with his eyes. They also have common sense. And yes, we still do. It is very good book on brainwashed idiots claiming they know it all and they have guts telling stupid things out loud. You know, the more stupid you are, the louder you are. Simple rules of life. Ever wondered why Japanese businessmen are quiet and only the youngest talks? The smartest and seniors are silent. So the book goes about very north of Sweden/ Karjala/ Lapland region with harshest of weathers, where even in summer is no summer really. Millions of mosquitoes, thousands of lakes, you need to hunt and fish to survive the winters. Good book, highly recommend. When reading you have to do some timetravelling and switch your brain to some peasant/ wildlife/ no electricity era of 18 century. And the times when 45 years old people were considered oldies, rarity. Really captivating. Look it up in your language, if possible: author is Maria Turtschaninoff, name of the book would be something like “Heritage land”. All of it is intriguing and interesting because her surname is russian…. Yes, I am immediately alert and worried when I hear anything related to russians or jews. The two eternal victims.
Midsummers night is today. Had my own private fire set up already two days ago. At my cottage. Burning for all evening and as it never went dark I got bored and went to sleep at midnight or so. So from today on the days are getting shorter and nights getting longer. Bummer. In very northern bit of Sweden and Finland there is just about now the eternal day going on. Which means the sun never sets for about 3 months or so. Imagine not being able to sleep as it’s too damn light as the sun is right where it is in midday!! I was once there in summer, for mere 4 or 5 days. I tell you, this so called vacation wore me out and I could not ge back to normal for two weeks. Worse than jetlag. Way worse! No wonder they are considered the biggest alcoholics right there. And we know the reason! The winters in these corners of the world are literally the same! The constant darkness for 5 months, only daylight mere 3-4 hours and constant cold that needs everyone wear expensive wintergear. I mean, the only good thing with that winter is pure white nature and nordic lights. And possibly a lot of sex. That’s only valid if you can fight the urge to drink Koskenkorva or Smirnoff or any other vodka and are still able to find reasonable “mate” to do it with. Obviously reckless drinking makes even most vital people a tad asocial. You can check the pics of Finnish queue in internet :). When sober they are really keeping their personal space holy. I suppose most nordic people are similar….
So midsummers done, now is time to work again. Nothing changes there. Stale. Is that the word for no going back nor forward. Had a half day of doing florist work today, tomorrow on field again. Boring as fuck but a must. Wonder where this “boring as fuck” came from :)…. does that mean some time ago, somewhere someone had incredibly boring session with someone in bed (or some other location) that he or she had to toot out loud for everyone to know? My theory on being boring has been true so far. My theory is only boring people have boring time. Ah, maybe that’s just me being able to entertain myself noticing funny odd stuff or just yapping about something so long it gets hilarious.
Well, off to bed now. To wait for sandman to come. The one from Metallica :). Hush little baby, don’t say a word!
You know the new valid measurement of powerty is: Third world country is where people are plucking their own brows. I must add I have always, my whole life, done this plucking myself. Hence, I am poor as fuck π
Stay cool and hot!
XOXOX
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100
jubileum! Time to celebrate! Hiphip hoorayyy!
A whole hundred times I have had feeling that I have something to say and taken up writing about it. Here. Into space unknown. So I had a beer. Ok, two. To celebrate and that turned into one boring chapter of nothing. Decided to have a break and see if I have something sound to say next day…. No, next day just passed by. Another beer. As for dinner. Isn’t it normal to not have any friends nearby to just pop in and, I don’t know, ask for salt or something? I have nobody, no friends, no family anywhere close. I don’t miss them per se. I only would like to go out for a nice dinner in a nice fancy restaurant. Have a wine, or two, oysters, octopus, or any other seafood (preferrably), chat the night away and have a decent restart of my brain. Something happy. For once? Is it too much to ask, I wonder. I think I will just go alone, make some tiktoks, watch some comedy and enjoy my dinner. In few weeks time the seasonal staff will start to recognise me…. ah, here comes that one again, they shall think, giving a distinct sad nod towards me. It’s not that many excellent restaurants here. I am mainly looking for view in addition to sublime food. View means either seaside, glassy and airy rooftop or something chaotic and busy in oldtown.
Well, that’s me being useless. But I am useless for a reason. Orders shrinking in awful speed. I actually have only one order for work, a days work worth just 160Eur. And that’s it. Imagine. Going for whole summer without zero income visible.
Car is in repairs, again. Only costs. The insurance only covers part of it.
Phone died, not charging anymore, nothing, zero.
This hassle and arranging new phone is pissing me off. You know, all the things I had that I use for everyday. I probably don’t have the passwords for all the fancy apps or whatever they are called. And being without car, albeit just for four days, is driving me crazy. I am, obviously very much used to going and coming as I please and being dependant on rentals is annoying.
And all in all I am getting pissed off on everything again.
And, there was Metallica concerts, two, on 7th and on 9th. And guess who did not go there. Yes, me.
I will have my car back in two days now and I will hit the road. I have my bags packed already, only toss in some pillows and blancket and I will go and hide in our endless forests, sleep in my car as it’s the size of fortress, eat local whatever I can find and, and! wash in the sea. I plan nothing. I go with the flow as they say. Some, ofcourse, say only dead fish go with the flow. Well, I shall be dead fish then. For a week or so. Maybe more, because I do not see any orders coming in so I really do not have to be stuck in the city. Ah, yes, my camping gear! I love it. I only have to pick few more things from my cottage on the way…. like mosquito repellent and tactical food packs. You know the ones they make for doomsday preppers and military. And I have to check my car kettle, if that is still alive. Or buy new one π¦ if that’s dead. I love being in the middle of nowhere in silence. I can see wild animals then. I mean I do not like sleeping in the tent, I might just toss it out and use it during day when I sunbathe or cook or…. But I prefer to sleep in the car so I have visual control of my surroundings and no deer would just step on me accidentally. Or bear. Real bear.
Plus the weather now! It’s the weirdest thing since I was born. I kid you not! We have now weather so, in the morning it’s barely plus temperatures, so you put on coat, jacket or whatever warm thing you have. And take umbrella. You get to few hours later only to be blinded by hot sun blasting in the bluest skies! Take off clothes because you are about to faint from heat. Now two hours more gone by. Yes, it’s so heavy rain you can’t see your car that is parked mere 50 metres away. That’s why I prefer to sleep in the car, as I have noticed there are very often heavy rains exactly at night. I have even been woken up by the rain, or in this case I suspect it was hail, at night.
The second burst out of city will be my home island. As it takes five hours one way to get there, to my original home, this trip has to be kinda sure thing. I mean I like driving but I sure don’t like going to island and coming back next day. This is too much to handle. Last year summer I flew to island some 5 or 6 times, but it’s sort of restricting your moving around again. I mean my brother would give me his car but I don’t like to be asking. Asking for a car makes me feel like retard, as if I did not know I need a car on the island! As I am doing my pilots license in year or, realistically, in two years time, I shall fly myself and my friends to the island. I wonder if they rent the planes one way only π or if I can keep it for a week.
So now, I have overcome the writers block or the fact that I had the best two topics in my mind but I forgot them both. I still don’t recall what those two were, I only remember they were brilliant. I must write them down immediately. Keep a tiny black book for this. Memory on paper. And I have infact a very valid reason to keep my memory on paper! Stroke 18 years ago left it’s marks and I have made peace with it. You can tell me your name and I will just never ever remember it. It took me four if not five years to remember my employees names. I mean, how hard it is to remember russian names like Olga and Tanja and Lena!??! I swear, I just had a smile and blank head, nothing, nothing! for years!!! And I was the one who hired them!!! I had to learn to shut up and stop asking who is Olga and who is Lena. I must have looked like total idiot asking about my own workers :):):):):). Ah, let’s leave it as that. I now know their names. Most of the times.
So enjoy summer if you have one,
take a lot of sunbathes,
white wine and fresh air dinners
stay cool and warm
Next chapter, 101, maybe, just maybe, will be about those mysterious two topics. I might remember them randomly. Will make sure I have pen and paper ready.
XOXOX
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99 not pleased
I am mighty. I slept until noon today. Noon. Without blinking an eye, one might say. I opened eyes at 11.58, stood up, stretched my back and went to kitchen to make coffee. I think I deserve some prize for this ability. Could it be talent of some sort? I mean, it must be. I made coffee, stared out of the window, thinking whether I should now get all my stuff into car and drive as fast as possible to my cottage and open the cafe that I promised to myself…. right. No. I do not well when I hurry. I started to pack my stuff, set all to corridor to make sure I don’t forget anything. Then washed 2 loads of laundry, set them to dry. And then it was already three o’clock when I slowly dragged everything out to my car and, as always, logistically properly placed everything into the car. I already had boot partly full as on Thursday I took my lawn mower robot to “clinic” as it was just doing stupid things. So they got it fixed, apparently discovered corrosion on the charging bits. So the boot was half full. I added some hanging baskets for flowers, empty can of petrol (for the usual lawn mower), some clothes, some books, some food for myself and box with macroons. Benziiiiiiiiiin, nice smell guaranteed if you spill some in the petrolstation. Suits well with Rammstein. Nur ein bischen Kerosin π
Heading to cottage always means going through shops. Either taking the food for the stray cats, dirt for garden, tools, foodstuffs for cafe. Anything. So this time I needed some flowers for the hanging baskets and the gardentables of the cafe. I don’t keep fresh cut flowers in the vases, I keep living flowerpots on the tables. Small pots with tiny flowers. Or, sometimes I have lucious herbs in pots, like basil, or even those tiny tomatoes so kids can pick and eat.
Continuing my rant at cottage. Fought whole eve and most of today, Sunday, with the lawn. It is already evening and I have to leave soon. But not all lawn done. And needless to say I did not open the cafe today. I am pissed of on it, on me that is. But that what happens when you are doing everything alone. The rooms are almost ok, but I forgot to buy eggs yesterday so I did not have all the ingredience to make quiches for the cafe. So another major fail. In a way fighting with this damn lawn is actually punishing myself. Like tf you can’t even get the lawn right. What sort of a owner or manager or chef are you. Useless. So I failed to open on 1st May and 1st June. I have lost already ONE MONTH of income. I mean, who does that to himself of herself? Total twat, I say, that’s who.
Taking a break now in sauna (the building itself, not steamroom as there is no steamroom yet) and writing this. By the door there is some sort of old huge tree that the birds have made nest IN to. I mean woodpecker or someone had made some hole into and there are every year some birds there. I have no clue what they are but they sound like annoying baby toy, rattling like sound. You know those bangers like things. Then there is larks singing, warblers waving with their tails, and a lot of swallows. Swallows are our national birds. Lovely little creatures, keeping us free from mosquitoes. Weather is strange, again. Hot as hell but out of the blue heavy rains and hailstorms. I made a few Tiktoks about it and turns out we have huge country π as just mere 50 kilometres from me nobody had seen rain nor storm in weeks! That’s the thing with weather here, unpredictable. And now crops are suffering as it’s heatwave, at the same moment you lose tomatoes because hail destroyed most of your plants. Go figure. I am not an expert in any of it so I just shrug and go buy new plants from the market. I hate that the hail destroyed half of my tomatoes that I have been petting since February. FEBRUARY!!! So just suck it up and try to remember for the next year to NOT BOTHER with growing your own plants from seed. Just don’t. It’s not worth having your bedroom looking like jungle for four months. And so I do for about ten years now. Every year promising I shall not bother. I must suffer from memory loss, you might think. No, there is no suffering. I kinda like it. Gives me something to complain about π
Now the sauna house is built on stakes, on to the water. Which means, in theory, that you can jump into the lake straight from the steamroom. Once there is steamroom. It also means I have some crazy ducks flying in for a stroll in my lake. I have seen every year this chick duck (?) having a whole lot of tiny chicks, ducklings, are they called? But never have I seen male duck. Only female, and always has some 7, 9 or up to 12 ducklings every year. Must have nest somewhere here because the tiny ones sure can’t fly. The very tiny ones. Now they have grown to almost proper duck size and they fly. Today at night they came and one of them landed into my saunawall. Suppose the duck is ok as I have not seen anyone left behind or struggling. The bang was colossal, It woke me up and I thought someone wants to get in.
The cottage is in the middle of real nature, though in a small village, it is the last house before endless forests and fields. I have seen foxes, deers, and I have heard wolves. Not to mention the beavers and otters that creep out of the lake every now and then. So it’s a bit of a miracle that the ducks survive every year. Ah, and the storks. They stroll around diminishing my frog collection.
Will run out to do the last bit of lawn now. After which I head home as tomorrow is Monday and I have been booked for a job for 8 days or so…. depending on how fast they work. It’s a drag because again, it’s hot and nasty. So complaining never ends. Be it winter and too fucking cold or summer, too fucking hot! π
Tuuduluu,
stay cool and hot,
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98 season opening
Yes, I have made 2 sets of macroons. Yellow ones with mango taste and pinkish of raspberry. I have also green shells of macroons ready, these will be pistachio taste. I just haven’t had time to make the cream filling. I also made pavlovas base, the merengue that you put some nice cream and mad amount of various berries on top. My cafe is famous for the macroons and pavlovas. People come from other end of the country for them, eat on spot and take few to go. So I try to have official opening of cafe on this Saturday, 1st of June. Maybe will do a little TikTok live from the day too.
I was not very happy the other day as I discovered thiefs had been there and broke into my house some time between Tuesday and Thursday. My neighbour told me he noticed just that one door was partially open. But as there was no movement otherwise he did not pay much attention. Now, that’s totally ok, but I have another bit of this story. So I went to my cottage to clean up and make the cafe part tidy and ready, set the building tools, garden stuff etc away. I figured I shall enjoy some alone time (as if there is any other time
) and stay for night. I can only stay for night at summer as there is no heating yet. I have stayed at winter too but that requires at least 1 litre of rum and I have become a tad weak in this field over the past few years. You know, drinking alone is frowned upon among “decent” people. What I am saying I have no interest in being alone in -20C house where snow is as high as myself and nightcratures strolling around, and me being drunk. It’s just not worth the pills in the morning. And I am hilarious without alcohol, so not really essential.So what happened that day. I arrive. I immediately see open door. It is old barn door type of thing that is closed from inside with two hooks. First tought was that someone is inside, maybe sleeping. You know, someone on the journey to some place. I park my car and actually enter from that open door because I know other doors are not possible to exit from as they are locked with proper locks. I enter and run my eyes over the first room, then second. I notice some of my tools are at the door. Leafblower, professional hoover, some saws, which all are usually neatly on their shelves or in their places. Anyways, I see all my stuff is intact, even coffee machine, the one that is barely alive, and the glamping tents that are on the second floor with some more tools like table saw, trimmer, full set of tyres. But I know they have now investigated all the belongings because I see the stuff has been moved. Just mere 2 centimetres, but I see these things. I have always seen even slightes changes like that. Vase on the table was moved 3 centimetres to left. I know, I am nuts. In a nice way. So they have found all tools, they know the access, they will be back.
I close the door they have opened. Take my stuff and go behind the house to do the gardening bits that have been on the list for the last month or so. I clean gigant pots for tomatoe plants, I dig out my rowan in the pot that is waiting to be planted, and also one oak that I found in forest last summer when picking mushrooms. I did not think it would survive, but here we go, it has nice set of strong leaves! Then I fed the stray cats that come when they hear me coming. I bought them some nice food, for kittens. These kitten ones seem to be more nutritious and tasty and I know for sure one of the cats has kittens, so she needs some more energy to get around. Then I was fighting with the stupid robot lawnmower that can’t get into the charging position into its depot. Back and forth, telling me “low battery” and then it says “finished” and it goes out to work again! But it’s empty!!! I really want to beat the crap out of it, push force stop, put back into depot, wait, damn, it goes again. Damn!!! It’s fucking 15 kilos of sharp blades and I am really having it. The fuck is wrong with it again!?!! So, as the italian magic lawn mower robot is literally behaving like idiot I just unplug this sod and!!! Yes! Bring out my good ol’ Husqvarna lawn mower. The one you take out for a walk they say. No, it’s the one you have to push ’til you lose conciousness. It was +30C, which means 86F. I was livid, burning, pushing the mower and fighting with horseflies and mosquitos. Whatta day. Only pleasure.
After full day of lovely bliss I finally figured how to seal the fucking barndoor. I took two boards that I have plenty as I am still building the sauna and the house. Took some 3 inches screws and boarded the door from inside. And no, I don’t really care these doors are 200+ years old. I bet nobody will notice anything “new” on their surface. So, after done that I was sweating like pig and went to garden to pour some water on me. Yes, I still have only hose water from the lake. Freezing cold. As I was wearing bikini there was not much hassle. I calmed down, laying in the sun, wet. I figured after all those fights it’s time to eat that mozzarella salad that I took with me for dinner. I did not even desire beer after being greeted with open doors. This is unusual for me, especially in heat and especially when I stay for the night. Anyways, heading for the front of the house now and what do I see!?! Car pulling an empty trailer wiggling into my front yard!!! With a guy from passanger seat giving instructions in russian and then seeing me shouting to the driver: “oh, let’s go, there is someone here!” Jumps into the car and off they go.
So the next 3 hours I spent moving all my valuables, building tools mainly, to a different locked shed. Slept in sauna, not happy. Some animals were galloping on the terrace so loud all night long I think I did not sleep more than an hour max.
More about my adventures next time. It’s again night time now and I gotta get some sleep!
stay tuned!
PS I have a pan.
XOXOX
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97 seasons greetings!
So hello, everyone!
I am, partly very happy, partly pissed off. On my self. You know what?! I made zero macroons for cafeteria. Which means I did not open it today, Saturday. Instead, I enjoyed weather, water, and planting some seeds for summerflowers. Carried out myΒ terrace furniture which weighs a ton, which is good because then nobody can steal it without a lot of hussle. It’s Finnish production, so heavy I needed neighbour to help me. My Kamado egg is still inside the house because this thing weighs another ton and I can’t really ask neighbour to help with this one. Sort of embarassing that one. You see the Kamado grill is as big as me and on wheels, that bit is good. Inside the house with nice even floor it’s just a bliss to move around, you can just handle it with one hand. Outside, however, I have no smooth pathway from the door to the terrace. It’s just natural grass and that means it’s all the way one big struggle as the wheels are just tiny compared to the sort of holes in the grass and therefore get stuck in there easily. To get it into the house was truly an event. You see the egg is ceramics, round piece of thing, and it sits in sort of a metal frame. Loosely. It’s so heavy you can’t get it out of the frame because it’s heavy, roundy and has no handles. I have seen in Youtube few surveillence videos where some iditot tried to steal one Kamado grill. That one poor bastard!!! So to give you an idea the Kamado grill comes in, I think 5 sizes. I have the XL which is enough to serve 14 people at once. You know, put some meats in, some breads, some veggies etc. There are several levels of racks you can use depending on what you do. I have so far used only two levels and pizza stones. On sides it has two lovely foldable desk kind of things, where you can put your stuff. So the S size is lovely tiny Faberge egg that yoy can have on your tabletop even (well, if you are crazy enough then even indoors, but it’s highly recommended against it). So S size egg serves two people easily, two stakes fit in, and it’s literally the size of carry on suitcase. You can lift it. Woman can lift it. It has the cute metal frame around and wheels too. Like a toy for kids :). Next M size serves up to 6 people. L serves up to 10 people, XXL probably up to 18 or 20 people… Something like that. I don’t really remember the details but you get the point that my XL egg is huge. And because it’s metal and some 5 centimetres thick ceramic it’s heavy as fuck. All together it weighes 320 kilos or something. Two people struggle tremedously to move it on grass path. Back to the idiot now who, as I am fluent in Russian, was russian and he decided the Kamado egg he saw at random luxury home makes a good addition to his fishing joint. Think no more, he went into the yard, managed to open the gates somehow. Remember, it’s a high end house, cameras every corner, and the entertainment ensued. The idiot, let’s call him Vasja, just learned to use smartphone and he had seen those huge eggs there. He is half wild still and does not know what cameras are. By the looks of it he is in his forties or fifties. He stares at few cameras really with his numb end empty stare. He is not drunk, dear everyone. That is his normal look. So he tries to move the egg. Well, it has wheels. He ain’t no dumb, ya all (read it with hillbilly accent for better impact). Well the egg moves nicely. Until the fucking stairs. Just two or three steps. He ain’t no dumb. He seen things fall from stairs in the smart phone (he is written without ‘s on purpose, read again with hillbilly accent). Even though Vasja is russian the hillbilly accent suits well because he is russian hillbilly and talks funny. So he studies the thing and realises the egg moves in the metal frame. Well, think no more! He grabs the egg, lifts it up. The egg is as big as the mans body. Sorry, Vasjas body. Gets down the stairs. And then tries to move fast to the gate he managed to open earlier. His car is right there. But the car is Zhiguli. Those are prehistoric heaps of junk that have just key. If they have. Sidenote> we used to switch them on without any key…. you know, down there you just pull some wires and voila!… Anyways, back to Vasja. He is holding the fucking egg as his life is depending on it. He dumb dumb! In his immense greed he did not open the trunk of his car. Worry not, he turns around and goes back to put the egg back into the metal frame. First. Then Vasja runs back to the Ziguli and with some minor struggling opens the trunk. He runs back into the yard and lifts up the huge egg again. He is overweight, did I tell you? He is as round as the egg too. Vasja last saw his dick 22 years back. Vasja now walks slower, he is sweating like pig and he really needs to wipe his face but he can not. He turns back and slowly walks to the metal frame. Barely makes it. Slowly slides the egg back into the frame, wipes his face viciously, pissed off about the amount of unluck he has. He is bending over to gather some breath, hands on his knees. Breathing heavily he pulls himself for last attempt to get the fucking egg into his car. From his face there is no more enthusiasm. You can see he hates his life. But he is not the one to give up. He lifts the egg up and starts again walking towards his car which has the trunk open. He will bring lovely and one of a kind piece of equipment to his village, he will be da boss, man!Then the security car approaches. Did they see the funny thing in their cameras while they were driving to the location of alert? I don’t know but they had their cameras ready as if they knew it’s the most hilarious thing they will ever see.ΒThey ask: Vasja, where are you going with that egg now?ΒVasja, being thick and still pretty wild as he is from the countryside where toilet means hole in the ground, he answers I found this lovely egg that was shown on my smartphone and taking it home. Can you imagine my luck, comrades!?The security guys burst into laugh. And one said: well, that damn egg is mine so I want you to return it.Vasja, in shock starts to RUN and manages to make four steps and drops this fucking ceramic gigant egg onto the ground. It breaks into huge junks. Which was very sad to see, because this junk ain’t cheap!!All of this encounter is on video from many sides and it ends when Vasja tries to run away with his Ziguli. Beat the Skoda. The mighty Skoda π and fails miserably. In the end it says Vasja got two years in prison.ΒLong story short. Don’t leave your eggs without supervision. That’s why I carried it in in the end of season and now I have to figure out how to get it back out without another Vasja coming to steal it. Because they once tried!!Anyways. Good nite for now. Tomorrow (or actually today already) I will be doing florist work again. And hopefully, really hopefully those macroons in the evening will start coming out.XOXOX -
96 damn again!
Nothing.
Nothing but beer and running nose. I had to work today and it resulted in running nose even though I had my winterjacket on. Yes, it was 16C today. Yes, I keep winterjacket on even in summer because the premises I work are like refrigerators. So for whatever reason I again ended up ill after full workday. Sucks big time.
Tomorrow lab work. Which means I will be wearing civil clothes ;). Nothing interesting there. Made a TikTok about my labwork some time ago, really boring if you are not into worldwide logistics stuff. Or into chockolate. Or into green coffee. Things like that. I was born into these kinds of stuff. I love sea, trucks, tracktors, planes, cranes, oh, cranes!!! I do realise these kinds of stuff are boring for normal people, but I can just stare at screen and watch huge container vessels berthing hours and hours!
It promises to be summer temperatures from tomorrow on. I would like to see that. I have to start baking macroons now, maybe tomorrow eve already. Because the money is really tight and that means I have to open the cafeteria at the summercottage. More TikToks there! The idea is to have it open every weekend throughout summer. And the first bigger party already was on 1st of May with hundreds of people coming but….. but I did not manage to open that day. I had the house full of cocoa and had to get rid of it. I also have to clean it yet because there are literally maple leaves covering the floor. For those wondering what the fuck are maple leaves doing inside the house: it is a 202 years old house this year. And it has original doors. With plenty of ventilation above and below. Ventilation in this case means there are 5 centimetres gaps all around the doors. This gaps mean also that I have bird, toads and other creatures inside the house every now and then. Plus the toads, as I have written earlier, come into the house every autumn to settle for hibernation. And in spring when I leave the doors open to ventilate even more π they wake up and start slowly moving outwards. It takes them about 2 weeks to realise it’s wakiwaki time. The toads are very thin by spring, moving and breathing slowly. Luckily they are not afraid of me (or mayebe they are, but they are not quite in condition to run, aren’t they:) ), so I can take them up with my hands and they do not piss allover me anymore. I usually help them out of the house and take them to some place with shade. So they will slowly wake up, gather their act up and not get much trauma from sun.
So this year the house will be 202 years old. It is rather uncommon for private person to live in such unique house here as most of these kinds of houses are way too expensive to run. And so is mine. I have no heating, no running water and that is why I don’t mind if toads are sleeping all winter there. There is literally snow inside during winter (remember the “ventilation” gaps under the doors). I have invested huge sums into this but being single handedly alone restoring it, while running two businesses, and household, and being single mom takes it’s toll. Oh, it will be pretty once it’s completed!
I was hoping to get water in this year, together with building a bathroom-toilet but hell, I again have just 200 Eur left for the whole month and it’s just 13th!!! I am doomed. So I already see no water, no toilet, no kitchen in my cottage for unforseen lenght of time. Which means no income from this house either. Just in case the reader is new to my blog thing or in case I actually have not introduced the cottage earlier. The grand final for the cottage is to be small luxury boutique hotel with four, maybe five rooms, kitchen, sauna, etc. Two years ago I built sauna house separately by the lake. Now this is stuck aswell because I have no money to complete it. Floor is not done, hence there is no stove nor water in yet. It has lovely sleeping room though, very nice fresh air. I slept like teddy there until some animal came knocking on the terrace at sunrise at about 3 at night!
All in all I hope I get the fancy french-themed cafe running more regularly this year, every Saturday. At least to cover some costs. However I already know I have to invest (yes, the money I don’t have) into new coffee machine as the old one is giving up on me since ever. That means I have to find coffee machine within few days now…. How to get coffee machine for 1200Eur if I only have 200Eur beats me.
That’s why I have to start with macroons tomorrow, get the sides ready and filling I can make later on and put the macroons together and pack already in the cottage while we are open.
So the daydreaming is gone now. Again. I assume everyone realises there will be no Cannes filmfestival for me. No Nice, no Italy. For 200Eur whole month to survive is a challenge. And to get roundtrip flight to Nice is 300Eur, so i am a bit short of money π¦ I also suppose I can’t live on the streets there even though it’s nice and warm. Just have to hope the orcs will not attack us yet. Imagine having 200Eur to run away to other end of the world, with cats and kids. Not interested in such excitement.
Today again all our online banking was down, apparent cyber attack from orcs. Yes, we are famously the pain in their arse since ever. I love being in such list. Why don’t they just get busy at isnotreal and hack all the terrorists into halves, by the go also free Palestine from squatters. They would collect nice plus points.
Spare with me. Take a look at film “Island in the sun” from 1957 with gorgeous Harry Belafonte starring. He is 30 years old in this movie. Gorgeous! No more words needed. Just rum, island and sunshine.
Stay hot and cool
XOXOX
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95 daydreaming
Who would like to go out to some fancy restaurant with me? Before would take a stroll on the beach. You know, to build up some appetite. Have some roseΛ on the beach…. Then get to that seaside restaurant to enjoy passing cruise liners, sunshine and waves. Order some oysters as a starter. Then order some oysters as main. And then few more oysters as a dessert. Anyone?
I would sing you some nice tunes all the way from one end of beach all the way to the restaurant. Like Harry Belafonte Banana boat song, then Jamaica farewell, Scarlet ribbons, then speed up a bit with Man smart, woman smarter π Some funny stuff too, like most of Rosemary Clooney songs. And some from Leonhard Cohen. You load 16 tons and whaddu you get! Another day older and deeper in debt! Louis Prima, just a gigolo π …. Anyone?
I promise I am all fun, and only fun!
Aah, I was told I should be, this time, for first time in 25 years!, be invited to restaurant. That’s a bummer because so far, for the last 25 years, I have not ever, NOT ONCE, qualified to be invited to restaurant. Now to think, it’s rather sad, no? I have always been inviting, treating everyone, everyone I considered friends, a few men I considered I loved (read>I was blinded). I was never invited to restaurant. Am I twat? Why I do not qualify? Am I boring? Am I not worthy? Am I the richest among my people? I am not rich whatsoever.
Today I drove 300 kilometres to deliver food aid to a total stranger. I am not sure I have written about it or not, so just to be clear. I stumbeled across Facebook post some 4 years ago, before the pandemic. That post asked for help for single mother of two who had responsibly paid all expenses, as one should, and now was facing hunger as not a penny was left for food. That post also explained in some details how this all happened. And also stated that the kids starting school in a months time had no clothes or school supplies due to that all difficulties. It struck (is that even a word?) me and I contacted the woman. The next thing I found myself on 4 hour shopping spree for this family, clothes, shoes, school supplies, and food. Delivering all this took another 3 hours. I know their names now. So last week she wrote me that they have again been unlucky as forced to help out her older son she gave all money to make sure her son has transport to work. He is now adult, by years, and has first real job in building site in other country. You know, taking away their jobs :). Last time I get stuff for them was I think…. before Xmas and then in February I guess. I don’t keep track. I only wish she would gather her stuff and move away from the shithole of a place she lives. But I can’t convince her ofcourse. No selfesteem, no dreams, no guts to take on new direction. Pity. So I just load up my car and go. It ain’t cheap. I spent 500Eur on todays trip and I am broke. I again, again broke. This fucking adulting drives me crazy.
This fucking war orcs started in Ukraine. These fucking orcs now threatening us, random cyberattacks on our airports, on our banking systems. Yes, we know it’s them. And because of them I have no income, and because of them I have to get my act together and leave my home. Empty handed? Fucking hell. I have built my home for 20 years now. Sell it? Yes, then I have no place to return. And I am not single person, I have to get my kids and move asap.
Not sell my homes and wait here til orcs come to kill us? No thank you.
I am pissed on every person speaking russian. I can’t help it. Them bastards living here singing praise to pootin, fucking poo in a fucking tin. Damn those cockroaches.
So how about you invite me to restaurant? I would invite as I used to, but I am broke.
Good nite
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94 retirement plans, anyone?
Yes, I have been rebel all my life. I don’t take shite from nobody. And, if anyone succeeds with any shite (you know, putiting up a good act and me believing it) then I cut the ties promptly and with no mercy. That is valid for everyone. If you try to fool me, be ready. If you lie to me, that’s the last you ever see me. And that is fair. Don’t waste your time nor mine. So that tirade was to tell you I am pretty black and white, no gray. It also means when I start something I carry it to the end.
For instance I promised one guy I was dating some years ago, that I shall pay for his dentist once he gets the guts to go and do the bits he needs to be doing. Well, dentist here is not free of charge like all the rest of the medical aid (probably the only good things about life here is the free medical and free education). So I said that when we broke up – hence – he lied. So far he has not had guts to start the dental “journey” and that’s fine with me. He probably will not have guts to remind me that promise either :). But, if I ever find out he has done the missing tooth then I shall send the money. I keep my word.
So now I am prepping for my retirement. Early retirement that is. Running business is like hobby, and that is what I love to do and need to do anyway. But I will step back from anything I do not like. And that stepping back from nasty work I do every now and then means I need some other income. Did I tell you my first choices for higher education were aviation and law. However, both of these were only teached 3 hour drive away from the capital city where I live. Because of the distance that was impossible for me to cover daily or even on distance study I never got degree in law. Because I had 3 jobs in order to survive there was no way I could accomodate university that far away. I simply had no means, no family to support no place to live. If I were to move to the other city I would be without income, without place to live and in addition in a place I knew nothing about. Yes, education is free but I would still need to live somewhere and possibly eat something? So I had to postpone the two dreams of mine. Until now.
I entered the training/ school for private pilot. Imagine. Next year I will have my licence. And imagine that: today I paid my last 47Eur for MacDonalds meals. I have 1.79 on my account. And the month just started. Have you ever heard of anyone more optimistic than me? The pilots licence cost a fortune and I have no money for this weeks food even. Crazy? Sure. I am not right in the head for usual boring common people. However, that might be only because I know the goal. My goal is to be pilot and that would make me almost as flexible, multitalent, like Iron Maidens Bruce Dickinson :):):):) except I speak 6 more languages :):):):). Why, oh, why, you ask. Let me tell you, this is my retirement plan. I will have licence for European flights so this will be my little income when I move to Italy or Nice, ideally somewhere in the middle there. This neighbourhood will take away all my ailments, my mood will be excellent just like now after two days in the garden and full sunshine. It’s really incredible what sun does to nordic people. Literally cures us!
So I shall retire within few years and fly around for fun and games. That’s my plan and I sure will complete it. The goal that is. Only 20 years later but who cares :), I still am goal oriented person π
Garden is now almost fixed. Planted my long waiting maple tree today in a place where birch did not quite survive from last year. Weather forecast promises snow tomorrow, on 8th May, snow!? We will see. It is sort of a rule that the night freezes are common right until the end of May. In the end on May all tomatoe plants are said to be safe outside, potatoes can be planted etc. So in few weeks I will have one more round of planting everything. Currently all my plant babies are at my flat, in my bedroom…. I sleep with my plants. Now how to survive that excitement π
Stay cool and warm
XOXOX
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93 π¦
I lied.
It has been three days already and I have not had the guts to go to shop to find new pan. So I lied in last post that I will go and get new pan. I mean, I have interesting life!!! Worry about pan is the worst task I have :), the most challenging. I now stare at the second fucking pan that started rocking some week ago. Dreadful day is coming. It is coming the moment that second pan cracks into pieces. Oh, I don’t want to go to shop. Because then there is the shelves filled with fancy bits that I start to observe and then there is tens of pans to choose from and I get agitated. Just give me one and have it over…. but no, all the pans look so fancy and once I am there I need to study each one of them and then choose one. Because I live in the active hellhole of a country then in addition to being annoyed of shopping due to too many people going to these places I am also very poor. So I want to study each fucking pan that there is and pick the one that I will moan about for the next 4 or five months. Moan, you say? Yes, I shall moan for many a months because 100Eur is like weekly food allowance for 4. And that, my dear, means I am forced to lose 100Eur on a fucking pan. Which means I could end up having nothing to PUT on this fucking pan in some time in the nearest future. And that, my dear, is called alternative cost. I know it because I have masters degree in finances ;). Yes, irony, irony is my middle name.
So there are many reasons I have been avoiding shopping for a pan. People, cost of the pan, too big choice and still everything is too expensive, I have 2 more pans to survive. Shopping for me has always been last, really last effort. When nothing else to remedy the need. Does not matter whether shopping for clothes, food or anything really, it is dreadful and sometimes literally painful thing. I get weird rashes on my body when I have to spend more than 10 minutes in shop. I know, I am truly every mans dream girl! I get this rash and nausea everywhere BUT fishing store and building materials store (read: second reason I am every mans dream girl).
Now something about today. Thursday after day off. Day off was 1st of May. Whatever the reason it’s off, I applause. In soviet era that was the first official day every orc living here got severely drunk and slept on the roadside (or even in the middle of the road) and nobody minded at all. For locals it was just random day when it was possible to do own yardwork or just do fuckall all day. Working hours (or arse hours as we call them) were sacred. 8-17, not a minute less. Usually, if at all any changes, it changed to 8-18. So today I had workday. Horror ensued. For the ones fainthearted this next will be about anatomy of a female, so scroll on if needed. So, for all my life I have known my body pretty well, no surprises there, no religious crap was forced on us, no mysteries, just plain anatomy. Yes, I have have few things I do for living. I am florist part time, which means I only work when I have orders. Usually 2 or 3 days in a week. And then I have one job that is highly physical and it is outside in ports, with no toilets which means I can not drink during the day. So today I had that work in port. Yesterday my period started. That means today was THE day when I had to change every hour minimum. Change what, you might ask…. Change the bits that hold the blood from splashing around on floors and all surfaces possible including myself. That meant I had to prepare so that I can do the job without going to toilet. And I had to make sure I go to toilet on lunchbreak. I measured today it takes me 8 minutes to get to the toilet. 8 minutes one way. Then few minutes for sure inside. Then 8 minutes back. And that meant that I had to eat on the go. Literally when walking. But that is not all. I left home at 7, started work at 8. That means one hour gone. I should have changed at 8 but that was not possible. So it’s 9, then already 10. I feel blood leaving my body as the tampon was more than full. I curse the world and keep on working because I can not leave my post once the process goes. And I can not cancel nor stop because whole factory depends on this. So I feel tampon peeping out of its nest and blurting blood it does not want to take in anymore. Dreadful and disgusting. For a moment I think about taking the tampon out right there and then but I search for napkins or tissues in my pockets and there are none. So I know the tampon is about half out already, not taking in any blood anymore, on the contrary, blood is flowing everywhere. So it is rather painful when this stupid tampon is half way out. I waddle around like penguin, luckily I have full wintergear on because it is very cold and windy, no matter whats the season. I am pretty sure the tampon escapes any minute now and I know where it will go: down by my legs right until it hits my socks or even worse, hits the floor.
Gross day. Got home exhausted and pissed off on world. From this hideous work, stress and loss of blood I barely made it to home, took immedistely painkillers and paracetamol for the temperature I had by the time I got home. This is getting common now, every time I go to work I get ill. So, got home about 17 o’clock, ill, fell to bed and woke up at midnight. Felt like hangover, some strange feeling of haze, exhaustion and dizziness. I shall keep the rest of the boring stuff now….
Good nite,
stay warm
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The Mad Hatter 