The Mad Hatter

Just heard another american telling she has been going to therapy for 25 years. Reason – daddy was alcoholic. Now. What on earth is wrong with people being so weak that can’t even sort out something that happened 30 or 40 years ago? Are these people spoilage? With that medical magic advancement we have come to a point where thousands and thousands of people struggle in some sort of identity crisis. Starting with alcohol, ending with drugs. They claim that addiction is disease. Haha, right. Disease of weak people. Or disease of weakness. Just gather up your act and quit, man. It’s only your thinking that keeps you back from being “normal”, it’s not disease. Blaming your weak mind on disease is still you being weak. Just stop. It’s exactly that easy. Decide and do. I was drunk every day, for a whole year. I was 16 then. I decided it’s not going to continue like that. I decided. I decided that one morning when I sort of found myself in policestation and they had to fill up the paperwork and asked for my address. I had no address. I was homeless. Plus I ratted myself out telling them my real Birthday because how else would they know that I am underage. So they had some rules back then that underaged drunks must be taken home by police. My last known address was on the island and that’s exactly what I said. They consulted and returned with the realisation that they can not drive me in policecar to the island, considering ist few hundred kilometres and 2 hours boatride one way. And they would have to come back. That time nobody had such money and probably even now there are no such “services” between mainland and islands. So, the police were stuck with me and the only way out was to get my paperwork torn up, make me promise that I will go home myself and they released me. It was autumn morning, roughly 10 in the mo and the sun was lovely. Sun was playing with the orange coloured leaves in the park. I came out of policestation and went to that park right opposite the station. We were so poor that time that there were no benches in the parks. We had never heard of benches in the parks. We did no sitting. So I just sat on the ground and stared the leaves. The next two days I had hangover from hell. I then quit the job in the bar. The bar where I worked for booze and food. Found two more jobs, a room in dormitory and things started to look good.

I had a classmate in secondary school, the evening school that I attended after I was homeless for few years. I decided to gather my act up and go to school and complete it. It’s basic education you need in these part of the world in order to get any decent job. With my looks, blue eyes and blonde long hair I would be excellent moviestar but unfortunately no movies made here that time. And no money to get to US. So. I went back to school when I was 17, struggled with it a lot because I had full time job as a assistant. That meant 8-17 office job every workday. But the problem was on Tuesdays and Saturdays I had full day school. I could not tell to my employer yoyoyo, I shall not be in on Tuesdays, just so you know. I could not tell that because I had lied on my CV that I have completed 12 years of secondary school on the island already as one does when doing everything to the tee. I lied to get the job. The job required language skills of German, Russian and English, and I had no experience of office job. Until that time I only had worked in bars. And at home doing farm jobs. That certainly requires no language skills ;). Anyways, I had lied in every place I worked, lied about my age to get the job. That time luckily the data was not yet digitalised nor available online or so. I just stated that I am 5 years older than I was in order to get the job in a bar where I worked with alcohol. So. I also lied that I had completed the 12 years and that I am fluent in Russian, German and English. I got the job for whatever reason. Maybe it was my huge boobs, maybe I was smart compared to the other applicants, I do not really know. Maybe they liked me for my declared language skills. They tested those skills tho. Gave me a letter in English and told me to translate it into my mothertongue, type it out in computer and in addition translate verbally into Russian to the staff that was 100% Russian. Well, russianspeaking is maybe correct term because they were from all over the great soviet union. So I did the translation bit and it was funny because I could translate everything but one word. So I did the bit in written and then went to do the verbal part. And stated I am sorry but it’s not quite completed because I don’t know how to translate this one word that I see first time in my life. They said it’s ok, just tell us what you have. So I tell tatatatataarara, tata raara and so on and then said the word that I didn’t know, “container”. In English, that’s the word I had never heard before in my life. So I told them everything and they were impressed and then asked me what was the word that I didn’t know. And I said it’s “container”. They were confused and did not understand what I didn’t understand…. I was confused because they were confused. Took us few minutes to sort it – turned out the word “container” is universally in every language that I needed for the job “container”. Had a good laugh about it, for several months they were telling how hilarious my language test was not knowing how to translate word that is the same in every language. So for this hilarious happening, my endless talent and heavenly looks I got the job the next day. But I lied there that my 12 years of school is completed. So I arranged all my school stuff so that I went to do the tests and all almost every evening with each teacher I had. Contacted teacher, asked for tasks, fulfilled them. It was exhausting because I had a little bit of school then every evening and full Saturday too. So on these Saturdays I met with my classmates who were two kinds of people. Small part of the 26 “kids” were adults in their thirties and fourties who had found well paid job during the freedomfighting years and apparently money is more important than education when you are poor as fuck. So they had worked a good 5 years in well paid jobs and then the company realised the manager can not be without basic education when their subordinates are with uni degree. Some time it started to be important in office positions…. So there were few of these rather well-adjusted older people getting their life back on track. And then there were the ones my age. 17, 18, 19 years olds living at their parents, feeding from their fridges, NOT WORKING. I worked 2 places, sometimes 3 places since I was 14. Because I had no support, no family, nothing. I had nothing in common with them. I didn’t understand why on earth would you quit common day school and come to the loserville adult evening school if you had all bases covered. I had no place to live, had to work 2 places to be able to afford a room in the end of the city. They had no worries. And one of the girls just kept on going: you have everything so good in your life, life literally gives you all the blessings, all the great jobs with excellent pay and I have nothing…. Good grief that chick was exhausting. I told her to learn languages too, this way she would get a job like mine easily. You know what followed. Yes, she moaned that she can’t because she has to study hard for the maths, physics, literature, geography etc. You know…. like I didn’t have to :). I think she was and is energy vampire. So exhaustingly stupid, moaning, yapping, terrible character. To date she has not worked a single day. Last time she contacted me was 3 years back and asked for 15 Eur for food. Instead of sending her money I took on trip to grocery store and hauled full car of stuff to her and her kids. And let me tell you, horror ensued. She looked like whale, 3x bigger than years back when we met in school, smoked nonstop, kids were in rags and, honestly, talked like retards though they were going to proper school. They lived by shopping centre, in a rental flat. I was dragging the huge shopping to third floor together with the kids. Note she did not lift a finger stating she gets lightheaded. I thought ok, we don’t want the whale to collapse. I was pissed. She kept on smoking nonstop and telling how tough it is with money. I suggested quitting smoking, thats a hell of an amount per month to be saved. I know because I used to smoke for some time. She said she can’t because she gets nervous. I suggested getting a job as the kids are big enough and going to school by themselves for few years already (here in norhtern bit of Europe every kid goes to school alone on public transport from the first grade on. So starting in average at 7 years old). You know what she said next about the job. Or actually why she had not had job ever, last 20 years? I kid you not. She said she is afraid of money that’s why she can’t work in shop as cashier. And to put a nice seal on all of this encounter…. After I climbed the fucking stairs for the 4th time her “boyfriend” came out. For smoke. Not to help carry food for HIM and “his family”. But to smoke. So I asked if he is then working and supporting all of them…. You know the answer. I was in such shock from all of it. I told kids to not eat all the candies at once  and whatever they want to cook on pan or in oven to keep an eye on the expiration date. They sure understood more that their “mom”. I left them smoking. Showed some concern of them hopefully not smoking inside in the flat where kids are and left. 

She asked for several times for more money. This time stating they really need money not food as to pay the rent. I sent a few times some money. I am sure she bought cigarettes for this and didn’t pay the rent because in 2 months they moved again due to debt.

So I had to hear once more that I have everything given by life just like in schooltime. Like magic. As I had to do zero, no effort, just life bringing me everything on silver plate. And that she is suffering so much and still has nothing. Right. If you are afraid of money, yes, money sure is afraid of you too.

We don’t have therapy. We have tequila, beer, vodka, rum, seaside, endless forests. And most our people are down to earth, take no shit unless they are taking a shit. So don’t come telling me addiction is disease. 

Stay warm and cool,