The Mad Hatter

Just noticed I have made some typos and general errors in my previous writings. Pardon me. Its just my fingers work faster than brain sometimes. And chances are, I actually dont know how some words are correctly written. Like lay, layed, laid, … and I am too lazy to dig deeper. Because I know you, my dear reader, do understand me 🙂 

Realised also, that I am suffering of insomnia. Its 3 at night. Soon sun comes up. And I am still up, doing fuckall. It not the first night. I think I have been struggling for weeks already. Its not good as soon the schools start and then I should get in schedule again. … and maybe some work will start coming in…. and prepping for winter again…. Lots to do and again, emphasis on lots to do alone. Meaning, its huge amount of stuff to do for one person. But again, I started all this so I am going to carry right to the victorious completion! The world has tought me one should never ever give out promises of ETC, the expected time of completion. Especially on some delivery or completing of artwork or finishing a building. I dont give out such promises since many moons. I dont give them out and I dont make any promises to myself even. Because nothing, and I mean literally NOTHING, depends on me. So even building my house since ever, I can not tell you when there will be running water. I have waited for 17 years. And you see, one more year doesnt really make much difference anymore :). I have become used to getting around without the plumbing and I believe I will have it completed when the time comes. The earth is quaking when the earth is quaking. At the same time I can only promise I give my best. And I always do! Just that it has been years and years of learning, getting hit, by the fact that my best was never good enough. As in one of the Bosses songs in The ghost of Tom Joad album. Probably the top 5 albums of all times. I sure played two CDs to bits.

Anyone into music? Cultural announcements coming up! 

There was a time I was given a chance to fill in for the singer in a band that got contract for few seasons on the international ferryline. One week on board, one free. I ofcourse am no professional singer, but nobody ran out of the discofloor where the stage was. Anyways, I obviously picked the songs that I liked and could sing. So my list consisted of selection of Bruce Springsteen, Richie Sambora, Harry Belafonte, Rosemary Clooney, A-HA, Barbara Streisand, Leonard Cohen. And few of the locals too but it was not really a must as it was international line. So the funny thing is… I worked for food and beer. Again. I used to to it on the land too, when I was teenager. I painted my face to look older, as I had to be 21 to serve alcohol. Figured if I paint my eyelids green I sure look 21 if not more. But I was 15. But I was very good actress I guess as the bar owners believed me and hired me. For food. That time it was still possible to work “unofficially” and get paid in cash every shift or, as I liked, in food and beer. Well, I lied. I only worked for beer. And I slept in the same bar once everyone left. I closed the doors, pulled together some chairs and I miraculously was again first to arrive in the mo!!! Precious worker really! I had no place to live so it worked out for me excellently. Until the owners found out. 

Suddenly I feel heavy eyelids. Maybe my body now agrees to fall asleep…

Love and all,

Nick Cave and the bad seeds, Johnny, dont forget, 18th August in Estonia!!

Let me know by themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Love and all

XXX 

I love. A lot.

I love sunshine. Because its scarce.

I love rain. Because everything smells good after rain.

I love beer. Because its both food, drink and buzz.

I love food. Because I did not have it when I was child.

I love music. Well, I even breath in rythm.

I love sea. We came from there, we go back there.

I love blackcurrants. Because its ultimate vitaminbomb.

I love warm boots in the winter. Because all you need is warm feet to stay healthy.

I love autumnleaves. Because then we know crops is ready.

I love autumn smell. Because soon we will have first snow.

I love old manors and old houses with history.

I love. 

I collect love. By tiny bits every day. I want to have one big bit now. Huge! Unfortunately he is not aware. But as they say, hope is the last to die. How to make us to meet on our “oh so separate and oh so far from each other” roads …. It must look desperate. Get a grip, woman! Buy batteries and focus! Write, work, build a house. Complete something you have started! Well, slapping myself to my face. Sometimes it helps me back to my track. Sometimes, especially when its raining and you can not do any gardening works, it hits hard.

Sometimes I think I will be alone. A lone spinster ´til the last day. Great chances there. Some 99%. The remainig 1% is that someone will be brave (read: nuts enough) enough to stand me. So far I have not met the man. I see they excist, I know they excist, but I know none of them. As they say, the good men are either taken or dead ;). They certainly arent here where I stroll, work or move around. 

I had another unusual dream that I remembered even after I woke up. In the dream Johnny Depp and I were on a blanket in a beautiful sunny garden and we were having picknick. Just held hands and layed there in the sun. Doing nothing. Just being happy. And I remember I gave him a long warm hug and kissed him behind his ear. I love seeing him smile. Sweet man. I would give my all to him. 

Realised some weeks ago that there is a pattern I keep on repeating. I dont like this pattern as so far it only brought me problems. I can not afford such pattern, such choices. Its literally cheaper for me to live alone. Which is pitty as in the end it turns out I dont deserve to be the one that someone else is interested to invest in. You know, at least take me to restaurant. No, nada, nichts. I miss this kind of gallant man. I think of myself as a very feminine gal. High heels, dresses, long hair. But throughout my life I have been sort of forced to be very masculine. Everything – my work, my hobbies and interests, everything is very masculine. I would like to be like a gal sometimes. Someone to bring me flowers, pick me up by car for dinner, sort out why the fuck the floorheating doesnt work. Give me footmassage, run me a bath with oils and candles. You see, I have to do all this all by myself. And, I can and I have done it. But, its not interesting to do it alone. 

Bath, wine and candles, Johnny?

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

love and all,

XXX

Just updating on cultural announcements. The very one that would be of interest for Johnny Depp :). Because nothing else matters ;). Haha, only a few things matter in life in addition to kids, spring, sea, Christmas, music, bacon and beer. And hedgehogs and cats. Ahh, and cream. Cream to soothe broken skin. Again :(. Oh, resque me from this pain, take me to live in warm country near salty ocean. You would see miracle happen right under your eyes.

Still on is the Nick Cave and the bad seeds concert in Alice Coopers´ fav location in Estonia. 18th of August. I plan to park the car, stroll to the castle, open beer and close my eyes. That will be just my ears. No hurry. Sunset, fav music, lazy. I do hope the weather stands nice for this time. Really really hope. I will have private party for one. Unless Johnny Depp joins in that is. 

Slight smell of autumn already. Soon going to forests to pick mushrooms, oh, I cant wait! Delicious!!! I cant wait to get some. We sure are a bunch of wild people here. My colleagues from Europe, from “modern” countries where forest means 600 trees planted by liner and nobody even heard or seen any food being picked from forest, trees, or dug up from plain dirt! You know the ones who soon (or already) think milk grows in cartons…. well meat is already grown in laboratoties so…. highway to hell. Well, so my colleagues were in deep shock when I made them pie of the mushrooms that I had picked. Their look was certain- I am here to kill them by poisoning ;). Hilarious! They were so scared and I must have been looking so dumb that day trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with them. Then one of my local colleagues came, cut the pie into sectors and ate one piece….. that horror on the “europeans” faces, oh, thats worth millions. Yeah, we must be totally out of their scales for normality.

Hedgehogs. JD, whenever you get here, remind me to tell you the almost world-famous joke that I made involuntarily. Keyword “her majestys Hedgehog”. I will explain in great details how, where and why happened. Its movie material. As most of my boring life.

Then, Johnny, remind me also with few keywords some of the best stories I have to tell you, as I never get enough of these: bar crawling with wooden leg and the Danish professors, Red Square in 1980-s, horny mermaid and Russian peasants (three brothers as usually).

Will have a blast! Come and join me, write to themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com and let me know when to pick you from airport. 

Love and all,

let it be me,

I am watching the series of Hot in Cleveland and Golden Girls already years. Every now and then I get so sad, lonely and hurt I have only one solution to get out of this. So I watch these funny series again and again. It does not give much hope that I ever find someone to grow old with. But the same time I probably will be somehow living with a few girlfriends… you never know. But then again it strikes me that I am not suitable to be in a herd. I love being alone. But this company of myself sometimes is not enough. Then I burst into tears in the middle of cooking or in the middle of the road driving. Like today. Had to stop the car as I could not see the traffic. Dragging my tail in the sea…..

Just checked up on my brother. Same old same old. 

Would 23rd story be the lucky one to finally get to Johnny?

Soon summer will be over. The heatwave in Europe, the heavy rains to ruin the crops, everyday surviving the ever high costs in the country that is the most expensive to live in. Well, yeah, we are leading!!! Leaders in suicide rate and inflation! What else to wish for 😉 

Thats my love story. None. Literally nonexistent. Pity. Sometimes it feels like wasted life. Bird on a wire. Again raining. Crying in the rain, thats how I hide my sorrow and pain. Soothing Leonard Cohen singing me lullabies. 

Some time ago, when I realised I am not enough I thought I will die of the pain. Pain of being dumped, betrayed, realizing I was not important. At all. It was all an illusion. It was good while it lasted. But the emptyness within suffocated for so long, for many years. Ocurring in the middle of fancy dinner, or in check out line. Out of the blue. So painful and sudden. I try to understand what triggered it. Dont know still. Unconsolable. And it turns into long sleepless nights like today. I am writing. Its my solace. Its my getaway. Getaway from constant annoying everyday. I tried to read. I fall asleep. I tried to watch movie, fall asleep even faster. It must be some sort of Pavlov reflex. 

Hope is the last to die

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

love and all,

Life is good. Sorry for not writing so long. Was on Rammstein haze for a week, still bit remaining. They are my gods on Earth. This is my religion. Since many moons. I could get fed up listening ACDC or Metallica or Megadeth or Guns´n´Roses and even Rosemary Clooney and Cat Stevens and Harry Belafonte. But never Rammstein and never ever Leonard Cohen. Lionheart. Dance me to the end of Love. The forth the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. There is a tree where the doves go to die… With a garland of freshly cut tears?

Now in Vienna there’s ten pretty women

There’s a shoulder where death comes to cry

There’s a lobby with nine hundred windows

There’s a tree where the doves go to die

There’s a piece that was torn from the morning

And it hangs in the Gallery of Frost

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take this waltz with the clamp on its jaws

Oh I want you, I want you, I want you

On a chair with a dead magazine

In the cave at the tip of the lily

In some hallway where love’s never been

On a bed where the moon has been sweating

In a cry filled with footsteps and sand

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take its broken waist in your hand

This waltz, this waltz, this waltz, this waltz

With its very own breath of brandy and death

Dragging its tail in the sea

There’s a concert hall in Vienna

Where your mouth had a thousand reviews

There’s a bar where the boys have stopped talking

They’ve been sentenced to death by the blues

But who is it climbs to your picture

With a garland of freshly cut tears?

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take this waltz it’s been dying for years

There’s an attic where children are playing

Where I’ve got to lie down with you soon

In a dream of Hungarian lanterns

In the mist of some sweet afternoon

And I’ll see what you’ve chained to your sorrow

All your sheep and your lilies of snow

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

With its, I’ll never forget you, you know

This waltz, this waltz, this waltz, this waltz

With its very own breath of brandy and death

Dragging its tail in the sea

And I’ll dance with you in Vienna

I’ll be wearing a river’s disguise

The hyacinth wild on my shoulder

My mouth on the dew of your thighs

And I’ll bury my soul in a scrapbook

With the photographs there, and the moss

And I’ll yield to the flood of your beauty

My cheap violin and my cross

And you’ll carry me down on your dancing

To the pools that you lift on your wrist

Oh my love, oh my love

Take this waltz, take this waltz

It’s yours now, it’s all that there is

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Vienna, the velvety voice of Leonard Cohen, freshly cut tears. 

Might take this waltz with Johnny Depp and his velvety voice. 

Take me Johnny, to this waltz that has been dying for years.  

We will dance in Vienna, oh my love.

We will 

Love and all

The Mad Hatter

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

I was told today one should move fast as time is the only one you have. And, to get all done that you were meant to be doing, you need stop wasting time on stupid things, focus and go. That logic also includes lazy morning in bed. If you are not alone, then its a good thing to have lazy morning in the bed. If you are alone in the bed then its just wasting time. Thats a solid logic! 

As whole central Europe is burning we here, on the norther bit, are sinking in the nonstop shovers of rain. For some days it was like godsend as all brown grass and sown seeds finally grew and blossomed. However, now they would need to have some sunshine to grow and last. Theres no. We have summer, and there is barely any sun. Thats basically shitty skiing weather now. 

The cultural announcements made here earlier are still valid, Rammstein stage is being built just about now. I have only hope the stupid rain will stop for their concert time. Not everyone is able to drink for warmth in such level that the rain would not bother. August and the Bad seeds I cannot wait either. Usually August is the sweetest month, we have finally warmth within ourselves, crops are getting ready in gardens and in forests, you can go and pick your breakfast or dinner bits. After such rain I guess some mushrooms are already waiting to be picked. And wild strawberries, nothing like wild strawberries! You take strawberries, smash them with fork, then put some sugar on top and, finally, pour over with milk. Thats the “soup” the countryside kids grew up on. I, ofcourse, had some problems with the “soup” as whatever I picked from the forest always ended up in my mouth before getting back home. I did not have the patience. Or, I was just so hungry as we did not have much to eat these days. Everything is connected. Who suffered starvation in childhood might act strange when adult. You see, there was a time in my childhood, when I was about 4 years old… I was given one big white onion for breakfast. Nothing else. Or one bell-pepper, or paprica, or however you call this horrible thing. I could not eat onion, plain onion, just one onion as breakfast. Nothing else, no bread, no meat, no nothing. Show me someone who can. Show me an adult. Then show me a kid. That was the complex terror I had to survive as a kid, in addition to constant beating  (belting til bleeding with the buckle end, not the leather end) I was tortured with food, or in fact, the absence of food. For me its still, today, some 40 years later, two of the most disgusting things human eat. I can not eat onion nor bell-pepper. I actually get sick from the bell-peppers smell, so sick I might throw up. You see, its in persons head. I am pretty badly damaged in my head. But I dont mind that I am this way. Plenty of other gorgeous things to eat. 

Oh, shit, I have a panic attack now. Oh, boy, my heart races so I can literally hear it, my head is like in cloud, feels like I am second from fainting and losing conciousness. Used to be a lot worse. I figured if I face my horrors I will conquor them one by one. It seems it worked to some extent as the breakdowns are rare and milder. I must remember not to go back to the horror time in my life. I think I am strong but it still makes me sick today what I had to endure. Just because one nutcase. This bitch is still alive. Some strange setup of the brain that subconciously decided that this bitch is still a threat to me. I hope for a long life for her. As far as I have heard, its pretty miserable life. So congratulations are in order. For the time when she exits I had a very vivid dream some 4-5 years ago. On the occasion I was seen dancing and celebrating in church by the casket. I remember the deeply shocked faces of the relatives who only saw the glam side of her. I gave a speech where I did not keep a single bloody detail of her doings. I woke up happy.   

I have spilled my secret to a few confidants in real life. Now here, rather anonymus possibility, I am well aware that whole world could read. My story ofcourse, is probably nothing unusual if you live in, say, India or China or Latin-America. Its probably nothing unusual even if you are 80 years old and had to endure such life. Its probably nothing unusual for coloured people, war-torn people, natural disasters victims. Everywhere is somethink horrible going on. I am well aware. I just use this opportunity to heal. They say share your sorrow and you will have just half of the sorrow left to deal with.

The weather is pissing me off. One day I had to change my clothes five times. From bikini to a fucking full wintergear – jacket and jeans. And then back, and then once more to wintergear. And then again. One minute I was laying in sun, getting tanned, then run to house as just within split second the sky was literally black, thunder and heavy rain that looked like grey curtain. I was totally wet in microsecond. There too.  Haha ;). By the time I got warm and changed and the rain stopped and I figured what work I can do in the garden in these circumstances, the sun blasted again. At the same time half of Europe is burning up when we are step away from drowning. Yeah, we can not fix it anymore. We are late with it. Only adjust to whats coming. Thinking if the water level increases Himalayas will be a good place to live. By that time the onions and bell-peppers are among the few that can be grown there ;)… Thats the irony.

Johnny, for calm and soothing lazy time in yet warm place in Europe, write:

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

And, move fast, as time is the only thing you have!

The Mad Hatter via

themadhatter.blog

Cultural announcements to Johnny:

15-17 July, American Beauty Car show, in Estonia https://www.visithaapsalu.com/objekt/american-beauty-car-show-9/?lang=en

17 July, The Rasmus, hottest Finnish music since quite some time. Not my first choice but still interesting. http://therasmus.com/

20 July, RAMMSTEIN. Well, thats the northern people number one in any situation, any time, even in sleep, we follow as zombies to wherever Rammstein is going! 

18 August, The bad seeds with you know who!!! Yes you know, its Nick Cave!!!

Well, no need to copy the site here :). The venue is the same where Alice Cooper has given concerts a few times, in same town as the Americas Beauty car show, Haapsalu, also in Estonia. 

Figured I will write down some good events that are coming up in neighbourhood. Just a hint beforehand so Johnny would have time to make arrangements until airport. The rest would be on me. Which ever event (preferrably Rammstein and Nick Cave though:)) we would need few days before and few days after. Small vacation if you will, to decompress and have a lazy time to hang around, dine and wine without a hurry. And not to forget lazy mornings. Very lazy. Only do things that we love. Real life. Enjoying journey, small things. 

For further arrangements: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Luv n all,

Use sunscreen and dream big!

It has always been a bit clishe for me if anyone tells you “follow your dream” and “dont let anything stop you”. You should not tell it to someone who has no means to support him/ her or even support his/ her family. Barely making ends meet. I mean. I have a lady with two kids whom I help with food, clothes and occasionally sending her money. Life has been hard on this little family. There is hope that this misery will end, but I can not help them endlessly. I say, move to different place where is more work possibilities. She doesnt. Of course change is hard. It always is. People tend to like routine, sure things, familiar surroundings, familiar people. She called for help now, in the beginning of month as she did not have any money for food as she was on sickleave for two weeks. So they had just 2 packs of rice and tea for next week. For two adults (older kid is 20 years old), and nine year old. They had been drinking tea for days already. I mean, its Europe, 21st century still? I sometimes think, just go and shake them a bit, get them out of the hellhole they live in where is no work, no future. Its dead end there. But to make it alone, I cant. I have my own life to live, I have no such income to endlessly support total strangers. I mean I know their names. We have met few times and we keep contact by modern means, Messenger. Other than that I feel pretty helpless. No matter what I say or offer, they are reluctant. And in the end of the day, its their lives, not mine. If they dont want to change then its their decision. No will, no change. 

For me has been easier. I never had anything familiar to hold on to when I was kid, or teenager. Similar “rootless” life also continued throughout young adult time. It felt always as I was outcast. I am probably. My far-far roots, my genes, come from nomads from African coast that is today Tunisia, through Malta and Italy to the coast of cold country. Its thousands of kilometres north they travelled to safety. Only to realise that the snow seem to never end :). They must have arrived in springtime or midsummer as they probably got fooled by nature, liked what they saw and stayed…… Snow ends, but still, genes do not change. I feel out of place here every now and then. Mostly in winter as there is so little daylight it wears people out. I survive on vacations on schoolholidays, somewhere warm and sunny. I feel home in Malta and Italy. Its a strange feeling when you cant fight your urge, your calling. For many years, when I was child, I thought I have been switched with gypsies. They travelled with their caravans stealing and selling stuff. Every now and then a white kid has been seen with them too. The story goes they traded “their cute brown-eyed dark boy with your cute blue-eyed blonde boy”. Whoever fell for this magical offer (probably alcohol infused idiots), never see their kid again, plus the gypsy-boy also dissappeared as he run away to his crowd mere hour later :). 

I have a dream to meet Johnny Depp and if all works out start a whole new life together with him. Thats a stupid dream, I know. There is literally no chance ever. But it keeps me going, even though I know it will never happen. I also know I have given myself a chance to meet him by going to his concert. And another chance is that blog that I keep here. There could be someone sharing this blog. Or he might accidentally find it himself. I saw very colourful dream again at night, starring again Johnny and myself. Its one of the rare dreams that you dont forget. Sunny day, lazy day, summer, lavendelfields, bees, I mixed colourful coctails. We are home. Our kids playing around. By the looks of it we are in France. Not bad! I have always liked lavendel, wine and anything from their kitchen, especially seafood. I remember Johnny laughing til tears. He was laughing so hard he could not take a breath already. Seems I again talked some jibberish messing up some words and it turned out so funny I myself fell over on the ground. While laying there on the grass, weeping from laughter, he kissed me. We made love right there and then. Slow, sweet, tender.  

Life is good. Why are the chances of my dreams to come true so small. Its not fair. I cant go and harrass Johnny in some hotels or follow him whereever he goes. I am not groupie. But then how to meet the man of my dreams? Haha, old fashioned writing then. In a modern way. I wonder, if ever, he actually checks his Instagram or Facebook or any other fancy means of communication.. Or is there hired person to do that. This hired person is my target then 🙂 

I would not mind living here with Johnny. You see, he would be my sunshine in wintertime. We would have a dream life really. Four seasons at their best. Slightly strange people in this small country, yet I feel 100% sure Johnny would feel safe here even without his bodyguards. As I wrote earlier the nature of our being is “we dont give a fuck”. Thats ofcourse a facade partly, but in general we actually do not care who is where when and why. Its difficult to explain. For example our President or PM or anyone really can just stroll along beach and nobody would even blink twice. Our first president after becoming independent rode bike around in town to go pick newspaper. Things like that. We dont have such strange fears or predjudice. 

I wish I could send the smells and tastes of today to Johnny. After some two weeks heatwave we now have buckets of rain pouring down. Every single flower is now blossoming. I didnt even know I have such flowers in my garden! I wonder if anywhere in US or Europe still is places where you can smell garden after rain. Or forest after rain. Or specific smell in August when you know, by smell, that the mushrooms are ready. I wish to show Johnny the wilderness here. Where everything is so compact, so safe, so free and so untouched. I wish he would come here and smell the daisies. With me. I am the best host ever. And the future VPA, very personal assistant. 

Dream big they say. I say, yes. I dream big. There is close to no chance that my dream will come true but I figure at least I have this blog. Which I will turn into a book when I am old. I am enjoying this already now. Its like keeping a diary. In secret. So far in secret, you only need to know its Mad Hatter. 

Johnny, stop by to smell the daisies!

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

and let it be me

The promised land

we build by ourselves

own little world

with kids as flowers

in secret garden

I wait

Come take my hand

and let it be forever

you and me together

in our secret garden

you and I always

I dream

No more heartache

no more sorrow

only good will come

til the end of the world

together hand in hand

I love

just let it be me

find me and stay forever

it will be our heaven  

I will give you my all

come find me

I wait

.

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

I am working hard in the garden these days. With the heatwave its not very easy. I took out shovel at 7 in the morning, ready to rock. Then returned the shovel the same way at midnight. It was too hot to even think of any work. Even standing and breathing made me sweat like a pig! When the tiniest cloud comes to cover the sun for a micosecond it feels like heaven. If only I had someone to share it with. But he was in Oslo being thrown bras to him on the stage. By plane it would be some 2 hours flight. Flight to heaven. I think I would not let him go away anymore :)… kidding! I would be the most nurturing, caring, loving person ever! Which includes leaving personal space. Certainly not harassing him by following him to the bathrooms. I am the calmest person ever! Except when its partytime. Then you would turn deaf if I am in the mood.  

I was struck with one of the Johnny Depp court video in Youtube. There was his gorgeous sister telling the saddest things ever. I try to avoid watching it as when I first saw it I cried for days. Because I knew immediately what she meant by “green”. Green. Green. Green. And then there was some surveilience videos or Johnny coming home and then in a minute or so leaving with the elevator. He was pacing back and forth in this tiny elevator. These two videos play in my head constantly now. Both of these videos broke my heart. The man was ripped of his home. He has nowhere to go. I know the feeling, its coming back to me from when I was homeless and had nowhere to go. Intruder took his home. How rude, how arrogant, how incredibly stupid intruder. I remember this pacing back and forth. I was walking back and forth in park, or in corridors, any place I could get in at night. I was pacing to keep me warm. In winter its extremely cold here. -10C is very common, nobody notices. -15C brisky already, someones car doesnt want to cooperate. -20C….. When I was homeless, it was time when we did not know yet that there should be shelter for such people. We became independent just in the beginnig on nineties. Not everyone took it well. Not everyone had understanding of what to do, where to live, where to work, how does capitalism and freedom work. Even less knew I, a teenager at that time. A homeless teenager.

Ofcourse I was kicked out of the block of flats corridors. I walked thousands of kilometres in the parks. I vaguely remember. I try not to remember. I now have a home and I protect it. Its a sanctuary, its a rehab, its a detox from the evil of the world. Its a hideaway where we could hide without anyone knowing the whereabouts. 

As earlier said, I have not seen any movie with Johnny Depp. I can not watch them. Because of his eyes. Or, was there one movie where was train, a murder, and Johnny Depp? If yes, I suppose I have seen that. I have unexplainable urge to run to him and rescue him from the evil. The saddness in his eyes is unbearable. I would sing lullaby, give gentle massages, play with his hair, I would pet him as if he is my cat :). I would then feed him too 😉 with my best creations. Then I would take him to walks in the unspoilt forests, or to desert beaches where we can sunbathe naked. I would protect him like tiger mom protects her pups, no merci if you cant keep distance. I would get him the best paper and pencils, I would type away whatever he dicdates, I would carry him in my arms so to day. And I would want nothing in return. 

I dont understand how anyone could hurt Johnny Depp. Or anyone for that matter! I dont understand how anyone ever talks to other person as they played in the courtroom. What is this upbringing where you learn to shout at someone, yap and nag like in the recordings. What on earth is this pain in the ass that makes woman act as if she has constant PMS? Oh, I cant stand this spoiled brat. Disgusting female. Drags every womans rep down with her stupidity, arrogance and hysteria. Nothing there but good teeth. Yikes. 

Thats the application blog actually. The last post was application letter, to the position of Very Personal Assistant of Johnny Depp. Now I think it will be a whole blog of application :). There must be something good coming. Something written in the stars. Why not are the stars already working? I have given my all. Its not much, but I have given my all. 

All he has to do is to give me a nudge on the email:

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Luv n all,