The Mad Hatter

Life is good. Sorry for not writing so long. Was on Rammstein haze for a week, still bit remaining. They are my gods on Earth. This is my religion. Since many moons. I could get fed up listening ACDC or Metallica or Megadeth or Guns´n´Roses and even Rosemary Clooney and Cat Stevens and Harry Belafonte. But never Rammstein and never ever Leonard Cohen. Lionheart. Dance me to the end of Love. The forth the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. There is a tree where the doves go to die… With a garland of freshly cut tears?

Now in Vienna there’s ten pretty women

There’s a shoulder where death comes to cry

There’s a lobby with nine hundred windows

There’s a tree where the doves go to die

There’s a piece that was torn from the morning

And it hangs in the Gallery of Frost

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take this waltz with the clamp on its jaws

Oh I want you, I want you, I want you

On a chair with a dead magazine

In the cave at the tip of the lily

In some hallway where love’s never been

On a bed where the moon has been sweating

In a cry filled with footsteps and sand

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take its broken waist in your hand

This waltz, this waltz, this waltz, this waltz

With its very own breath of brandy and death

Dragging its tail in the sea

There’s a concert hall in Vienna

Where your mouth had a thousand reviews

There’s a bar where the boys have stopped talking

They’ve been sentenced to death by the blues

But who is it climbs to your picture

With a garland of freshly cut tears?

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

Take this waltz it’s been dying for years

There’s an attic where children are playing

Where I’ve got to lie down with you soon

In a dream of Hungarian lanterns

In the mist of some sweet afternoon

And I’ll see what you’ve chained to your sorrow

All your sheep and your lilies of snow

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Take this waltz, take this waltz

With its, I’ll never forget you, you know

This waltz, this waltz, this waltz, this waltz

With its very own breath of brandy and death

Dragging its tail in the sea

And I’ll dance with you in Vienna

I’ll be wearing a river’s disguise

The hyacinth wild on my shoulder

My mouth on the dew of your thighs

And I’ll bury my soul in a scrapbook

With the photographs there, and the moss

And I’ll yield to the flood of your beauty

My cheap violin and my cross

And you’ll carry me down on your dancing

To the pools that you lift on your wrist

Oh my love, oh my love

Take this waltz, take this waltz

It’s yours now, it’s all that there is

Aey, aey, aey, aey

Vienna, the velvety voice of Leonard Cohen, freshly cut tears. 

Might take this waltz with Johnny Depp and his velvety voice. 

Take me Johnny, to this waltz that has been dying for years.  

We will dance in Vienna, oh my love.

We will 

Love and all

The Mad Hatter

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

I was told today one should move fast as time is the only one you have. And, to get all done that you were meant to be doing, you need stop wasting time on stupid things, focus and go. That logic also includes lazy morning in bed. If you are not alone, then its a good thing to have lazy morning in the bed. If you are alone in the bed then its just wasting time. Thats a solid logic! 

As whole central Europe is burning we here, on the norther bit, are sinking in the nonstop shovers of rain. For some days it was like godsend as all brown grass and sown seeds finally grew and blossomed. However, now they would need to have some sunshine to grow and last. Theres no. We have summer, and there is barely any sun. Thats basically shitty skiing weather now. 

The cultural announcements made here earlier are still valid, Rammstein stage is being built just about now. I have only hope the stupid rain will stop for their concert time. Not everyone is able to drink for warmth in such level that the rain would not bother. August and the Bad seeds I cannot wait either. Usually August is the sweetest month, we have finally warmth within ourselves, crops are getting ready in gardens and in forests, you can go and pick your breakfast or dinner bits. After such rain I guess some mushrooms are already waiting to be picked. And wild strawberries, nothing like wild strawberries! You take strawberries, smash them with fork, then put some sugar on top and, finally, pour over with milk. Thats the “soup” the countryside kids grew up on. I, ofcourse, had some problems with the “soup” as whatever I picked from the forest always ended up in my mouth before getting back home. I did not have the patience. Or, I was just so hungry as we did not have much to eat these days. Everything is connected. Who suffered starvation in childhood might act strange when adult. You see, there was a time in my childhood, when I was about 4 years old… I was given one big white onion for breakfast. Nothing else. Or one bell-pepper, or paprica, or however you call this horrible thing. I could not eat onion, plain onion, just one onion as breakfast. Nothing else, no bread, no meat, no nothing. Show me someone who can. Show me an adult. Then show me a kid. That was the complex terror I had to survive as a kid, in addition to constant beating  (belting til bleeding with the buckle end, not the leather end) I was tortured with food, or in fact, the absence of food. For me its still, today, some 40 years later, two of the most disgusting things human eat. I can not eat onion nor bell-pepper. I actually get sick from the bell-peppers smell, so sick I might throw up. You see, its in persons head. I am pretty badly damaged in my head. But I dont mind that I am this way. Plenty of other gorgeous things to eat. 

Oh, shit, I have a panic attack now. Oh, boy, my heart races so I can literally hear it, my head is like in cloud, feels like I am second from fainting and losing conciousness. Used to be a lot worse. I figured if I face my horrors I will conquor them one by one. It seems it worked to some extent as the breakdowns are rare and milder. I must remember not to go back to the horror time in my life. I think I am strong but it still makes me sick today what I had to endure. Just because one nutcase. This bitch is still alive. Some strange setup of the brain that subconciously decided that this bitch is still a threat to me. I hope for a long life for her. As far as I have heard, its pretty miserable life. So congratulations are in order. For the time when she exits I had a very vivid dream some 4-5 years ago. On the occasion I was seen dancing and celebrating in church by the casket. I remember the deeply shocked faces of the relatives who only saw the glam side of her. I gave a speech where I did not keep a single bloody detail of her doings. I woke up happy.   

I have spilled my secret to a few confidants in real life. Now here, rather anonymus possibility, I am well aware that whole world could read. My story ofcourse, is probably nothing unusual if you live in, say, India or China or Latin-America. Its probably nothing unusual even if you are 80 years old and had to endure such life. Its probably nothing unusual for coloured people, war-torn people, natural disasters victims. Everywhere is somethink horrible going on. I am well aware. I just use this opportunity to heal. They say share your sorrow and you will have just half of the sorrow left to deal with.

The weather is pissing me off. One day I had to change my clothes five times. From bikini to a fucking full wintergear – jacket and jeans. And then back, and then once more to wintergear. And then again. One minute I was laying in sun, getting tanned, then run to house as just within split second the sky was literally black, thunder and heavy rain that looked like grey curtain. I was totally wet in microsecond. There too.  Haha ;). By the time I got warm and changed and the rain stopped and I figured what work I can do in the garden in these circumstances, the sun blasted again. At the same time half of Europe is burning up when we are step away from drowning. Yeah, we can not fix it anymore. We are late with it. Only adjust to whats coming. Thinking if the water level increases Himalayas will be a good place to live. By that time the onions and bell-peppers are among the few that can be grown there ;)… Thats the irony.

Johnny, for calm and soothing lazy time in yet warm place in Europe, write:

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

And, move fast, as time is the only thing you have!

The Mad Hatter via

themadhatter.blog

Cultural announcements to Johnny:

15-17 July, American Beauty Car show, in Estonia https://www.visithaapsalu.com/objekt/american-beauty-car-show-9/?lang=en

17 July, The Rasmus, hottest Finnish music since quite some time. Not my first choice but still interesting. http://therasmus.com/

20 July, RAMMSTEIN. Well, thats the northern people number one in any situation, any time, even in sleep, we follow as zombies to wherever Rammstein is going! 

18 August, The bad seeds with you know who!!! Yes you know, its Nick Cave!!!

Well, no need to copy the site here :). The venue is the same where Alice Cooper has given concerts a few times, in same town as the Americas Beauty car show, Haapsalu, also in Estonia. 

Figured I will write down some good events that are coming up in neighbourhood. Just a hint beforehand so Johnny would have time to make arrangements until airport. The rest would be on me. Which ever event (preferrably Rammstein and Nick Cave though:)) we would need few days before and few days after. Small vacation if you will, to decompress and have a lazy time to hang around, dine and wine without a hurry. And not to forget lazy mornings. Very lazy. Only do things that we love. Real life. Enjoying journey, small things. 

For further arrangements: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Luv n all,

Use sunscreen and dream big!

It has always been a bit clishe for me if anyone tells you “follow your dream” and “dont let anything stop you”. You should not tell it to someone who has no means to support him/ her or even support his/ her family. Barely making ends meet. I mean. I have a lady with two kids whom I help with food, clothes and occasionally sending her money. Life has been hard on this little family. There is hope that this misery will end, but I can not help them endlessly. I say, move to different place where is more work possibilities. She doesnt. Of course change is hard. It always is. People tend to like routine, sure things, familiar surroundings, familiar people. She called for help now, in the beginning of month as she did not have any money for food as she was on sickleave for two weeks. So they had just 2 packs of rice and tea for next week. For two adults (older kid is 20 years old), and nine year old. They had been drinking tea for days already. I mean, its Europe, 21st century still? I sometimes think, just go and shake them a bit, get them out of the hellhole they live in where is no work, no future. Its dead end there. But to make it alone, I cant. I have my own life to live, I have no such income to endlessly support total strangers. I mean I know their names. We have met few times and we keep contact by modern means, Messenger. Other than that I feel pretty helpless. No matter what I say or offer, they are reluctant. And in the end of the day, its their lives, not mine. If they dont want to change then its their decision. No will, no change. 

For me has been easier. I never had anything familiar to hold on to when I was kid, or teenager. Similar “rootless” life also continued throughout young adult time. It felt always as I was outcast. I am probably. My far-far roots, my genes, come from nomads from African coast that is today Tunisia, through Malta and Italy to the coast of cold country. Its thousands of kilometres north they travelled to safety. Only to realise that the snow seem to never end :). They must have arrived in springtime or midsummer as they probably got fooled by nature, liked what they saw and stayed…… Snow ends, but still, genes do not change. I feel out of place here every now and then. Mostly in winter as there is so little daylight it wears people out. I survive on vacations on schoolholidays, somewhere warm and sunny. I feel home in Malta and Italy. Its a strange feeling when you cant fight your urge, your calling. For many years, when I was child, I thought I have been switched with gypsies. They travelled with their caravans stealing and selling stuff. Every now and then a white kid has been seen with them too. The story goes they traded “their cute brown-eyed dark boy with your cute blue-eyed blonde boy”. Whoever fell for this magical offer (probably alcohol infused idiots), never see their kid again, plus the gypsy-boy also dissappeared as he run away to his crowd mere hour later :). 

I have a dream to meet Johnny Depp and if all works out start a whole new life together with him. Thats a stupid dream, I know. There is literally no chance ever. But it keeps me going, even though I know it will never happen. I also know I have given myself a chance to meet him by going to his concert. And another chance is that blog that I keep here. There could be someone sharing this blog. Or he might accidentally find it himself. I saw very colourful dream again at night, starring again Johnny and myself. Its one of the rare dreams that you dont forget. Sunny day, lazy day, summer, lavendelfields, bees, I mixed colourful coctails. We are home. Our kids playing around. By the looks of it we are in France. Not bad! I have always liked lavendel, wine and anything from their kitchen, especially seafood. I remember Johnny laughing til tears. He was laughing so hard he could not take a breath already. Seems I again talked some jibberish messing up some words and it turned out so funny I myself fell over on the ground. While laying there on the grass, weeping from laughter, he kissed me. We made love right there and then. Slow, sweet, tender.  

Life is good. Why are the chances of my dreams to come true so small. Its not fair. I cant go and harrass Johnny in some hotels or follow him whereever he goes. I am not groupie. But then how to meet the man of my dreams? Haha, old fashioned writing then. In a modern way. I wonder, if ever, he actually checks his Instagram or Facebook or any other fancy means of communication.. Or is there hired person to do that. This hired person is my target then 🙂 

I would not mind living here with Johnny. You see, he would be my sunshine in wintertime. We would have a dream life really. Four seasons at their best. Slightly strange people in this small country, yet I feel 100% sure Johnny would feel safe here even without his bodyguards. As I wrote earlier the nature of our being is “we dont give a fuck”. Thats ofcourse a facade partly, but in general we actually do not care who is where when and why. Its difficult to explain. For example our President or PM or anyone really can just stroll along beach and nobody would even blink twice. Our first president after becoming independent rode bike around in town to go pick newspaper. Things like that. We dont have such strange fears or predjudice. 

I wish I could send the smells and tastes of today to Johnny. After some two weeks heatwave we now have buckets of rain pouring down. Every single flower is now blossoming. I didnt even know I have such flowers in my garden! I wonder if anywhere in US or Europe still is places where you can smell garden after rain. Or forest after rain. Or specific smell in August when you know, by smell, that the mushrooms are ready. I wish to show Johnny the wilderness here. Where everything is so compact, so safe, so free and so untouched. I wish he would come here and smell the daisies. With me. I am the best host ever. And the future VPA, very personal assistant. 

Dream big they say. I say, yes. I dream big. There is close to no chance that my dream will come true but I figure at least I have this blog. Which I will turn into a book when I am old. I am enjoying this already now. Its like keeping a diary. In secret. So far in secret, you only need to know its Mad Hatter. 

Johnny, stop by to smell the daisies!

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

and let it be me

The promised land

we build by ourselves

own little world

with kids as flowers

in secret garden

I wait

Come take my hand

and let it be forever

you and me together

in our secret garden

you and I always

I dream

No more heartache

no more sorrow

only good will come

til the end of the world

together hand in hand

I love

just let it be me

find me and stay forever

it will be our heaven  

I will give you my all

come find me

I wait

.

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

I am working hard in the garden these days. With the heatwave its not very easy. I took out shovel at 7 in the morning, ready to rock. Then returned the shovel the same way at midnight. It was too hot to even think of any work. Even standing and breathing made me sweat like a pig! When the tiniest cloud comes to cover the sun for a micosecond it feels like heaven. If only I had someone to share it with. But he was in Oslo being thrown bras to him on the stage. By plane it would be some 2 hours flight. Flight to heaven. I think I would not let him go away anymore :)… kidding! I would be the most nurturing, caring, loving person ever! Which includes leaving personal space. Certainly not harassing him by following him to the bathrooms. I am the calmest person ever! Except when its partytime. Then you would turn deaf if I am in the mood.  

I was struck with one of the Johnny Depp court video in Youtube. There was his gorgeous sister telling the saddest things ever. I try to avoid watching it as when I first saw it I cried for days. Because I knew immediately what she meant by “green”. Green. Green. Green. And then there was some surveilience videos or Johnny coming home and then in a minute or so leaving with the elevator. He was pacing back and forth in this tiny elevator. These two videos play in my head constantly now. Both of these videos broke my heart. The man was ripped of his home. He has nowhere to go. I know the feeling, its coming back to me from when I was homeless and had nowhere to go. Intruder took his home. How rude, how arrogant, how incredibly stupid intruder. I remember this pacing back and forth. I was walking back and forth in park, or in corridors, any place I could get in at night. I was pacing to keep me warm. In winter its extremely cold here. -10C is very common, nobody notices. -15C brisky already, someones car doesnt want to cooperate. -20C….. When I was homeless, it was time when we did not know yet that there should be shelter for such people. We became independent just in the beginnig on nineties. Not everyone took it well. Not everyone had understanding of what to do, where to live, where to work, how does capitalism and freedom work. Even less knew I, a teenager at that time. A homeless teenager.

Ofcourse I was kicked out of the block of flats corridors. I walked thousands of kilometres in the parks. I vaguely remember. I try not to remember. I now have a home and I protect it. Its a sanctuary, its a rehab, its a detox from the evil of the world. Its a hideaway where we could hide without anyone knowing the whereabouts. 

As earlier said, I have not seen any movie with Johnny Depp. I can not watch them. Because of his eyes. Or, was there one movie where was train, a murder, and Johnny Depp? If yes, I suppose I have seen that. I have unexplainable urge to run to him and rescue him from the evil. The saddness in his eyes is unbearable. I would sing lullaby, give gentle massages, play with his hair, I would pet him as if he is my cat :). I would then feed him too 😉 with my best creations. Then I would take him to walks in the unspoilt forests, or to desert beaches where we can sunbathe naked. I would protect him like tiger mom protects her pups, no merci if you cant keep distance. I would get him the best paper and pencils, I would type away whatever he dicdates, I would carry him in my arms so to day. And I would want nothing in return. 

I dont understand how anyone could hurt Johnny Depp. Or anyone for that matter! I dont understand how anyone ever talks to other person as they played in the courtroom. What is this upbringing where you learn to shout at someone, yap and nag like in the recordings. What on earth is this pain in the ass that makes woman act as if she has constant PMS? Oh, I cant stand this spoiled brat. Disgusting female. Drags every womans rep down with her stupidity, arrogance and hysteria. Nothing there but good teeth. Yikes. 

Thats the application blog actually. The last post was application letter, to the position of Very Personal Assistant of Johnny Depp. Now I think it will be a whole blog of application :). There must be something good coming. Something written in the stars. Why not are the stars already working? I have given my all. Its not much, but I have given my all. 

All he has to do is to give me a nudge on the email:

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Luv n all,

Letter of application.

I just figured I need to sell myself to Johnny Depp as a personal assistant. The ofcourse, I would work towards becoming very personal assistant. You see I have been trained in almost everything a good personal assistants would/should/could know! Except piloting, but that was indeed my higher education goal until I found out the school is in Ukraine. That time I was homeless so no matter how I tried I was not going to make it to Ukraine pilots school. But that doesnt mean I cant get the licence done now. Though not in Ukraine for obvious reasons.

So, about my knowledge and experiences. I speak five languages, but want to learn a few more. Missing are Spanish and Frensh. Though not needed at all in my todays life as there are like seven spanish living here (and they speak English), and I have no business contact either. But that could change, and I would like it to change. I dont list the languages because then one could guess my location. That will be clear only when Johnny Depp accepts my CV for VPA position.

I am an excellent driver. I have clean record, I started early, ealier than allowed some 6-7 years so my experience is actually more years than usual. I could do it because I was rebel and I lived on island where were a lot of forestroads so I just headed out there. I actually worked like sober driver when I was 12 years old. They would not let me into nightclub obviously, but all my friends were legal age so I just drove around getting them to places. Then I also participated in truckrallies for a while. And mind you, that was not Volvo or Sisu or Scania trucks that time. That was killer russian magic called GAZ51 or GAZ52. That means after few rounds driving with this motherf..cker your body colour is blue, violet, almost black, your hands lost contact with your brain long ago and the only thing is to pedal the gas as strong as you can because when you slow down others like you will catch you :). And lets be hones, nobody, NOBODY, catches me on anything. I completed the emergency driver courses – that means the firefighters or police or emergency  – when I get old I might do that as a sidejob. Courses were testing driving skills on high, I would say extreme!, speed, durability – driving 12 hours straight with high speed on boring tracks. Also, ofcourse, the moose tricks and other unexpected situations that could occurr on any drivers life. You know the simple rules that one in real life suddenly struggles with –  like when moose is on the road you avoid, when fox is on the road you add speed and ignore. So I am an excellent driver. My best feature is to park backwards to pocket. Sometimes my friends just get out of the car to watch the magic happen. I know. But they cant do that parking and its hilarious. … Must be that I have a tad too much testosterone in me :). Or, genes! My mom drove everything on land, sea and even helicopter!!! I promise I dont have mustache though!

… Iggy Pop Passenger on now, how appropiate timing!!….

I play. Everything and everywhere! As I am a lot of fun in every possible chance I play cards, poker, pool (for a moment there I am not sure what the term is, either snooker, biljard or pool?). I used to teach the game, so rarely when someone else wins. But I am generous, I can do my best to lose :). I have played golf, like it a lot, but alone is a bit boring….We have very well established discgolf fields which, mind you, are free to use for anyone! Gocarting, tennis, anything goes where is any chance to win! And that includes bedroom too. And there is no losers there.

I have two higher education. Even though I completed them I must say I was naturally so smart that I barely learned anything. I focused on my weaknesses so I went to Uni for financial management, investments and accounting. Basically learned to count money that I dont have. No regrets, got a very good classmates there. Also got first and last English lessons, exams straight A. Its funny because my teacher did not believe I had no previous English lessons but I was the top two students in English lessons. The first place was girl who by that time had learned English for 13 years. And I explained again that I learned from Oxford Dictonary, Modern Talking, Madonna, Gary Moore and Roxette 🙂 and many other artists. And no, I am not saying I am anywhere near perfect in English, plus I also like to play with slang, words, expressions. But I can make myself clear usually. I hope 🙂 

Anyways, the education supported me a bit when getting rather well-paid positions in various international companies. My first real job, after bartending and drinking my teenage years away, was at russian company where nobody spoke anything but Russian. Day in day out my brain worked in Russian mainly and translated everything into local and English languages. Second success came with German company. Then I worked in four languages every day and sometimes my brain shut down when translating on spot – I was speaking to Russians in English, just doing it very slow as if they then would understand :). Fun times!

I am trained in manicure, hairdressing (no colouring though) and massage. Lately I took some cooking courses too. Must say learned a few things, particulary the technical things one needs to succeed. Needless to say thats an excellent combo for someone like Johnny Depp! As I was born female I can do makeup too and pedicure.

I make a mean roast and crepes. I can BBQ such meals not a bone is left! I am a late bloomer in kitchen, but again, my will to win drives me to succeed in every field. As much as I have hosted a party I have delivered excellent food. Yes, its exhausting, but I can do it every now and then because of the satisfaction. 

Things I can do just naturally:

curse well in few languages, especially good in Russian. Extremely suitable for villain role in any Hollywood or independent movie :). 

I am a looker too!

fix things, say washingmashine, lawnmower, coctail

feed someone. Mainly humans but also stray animals

sew things other than curtains. Times were tough here – meaning nothing was sold in shops – so I created my own wardrobe of office suits, pants, dresses, skirts, you name it.

build things including houses, terraces, pergolas, bridges (personal use sizes)

communicate with animals and sometimes with humans. Cats, dogs and human kids like me for whatever they sense in me. Grew up in a farm, so cows, horses, piggies, mutant rodents, wasps and anything inbetween dont scare me. 

Off to beach now

So, if this blog now finally gets to the destined receptionist, please Johnny send me a note to themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

XOXOX

Just sneezed so loudly seven times in a row, I felt as lost part of the brain as it flew out of my nose.

I have not been sweating like that since 30 years or so. Last time I had sweat dripping off my face and even into my eyes was exactly some time 30 years ago when I was rather active in sports – I remember I had long distance runs every now and then but mostly I was doing lightathletics like highjumps, short distances and things like that. I did not like running though because I hurt my knee badly once and that was really painful for the next 20 years…. And that time it was just so much pain every time the weather changed. Felt like old fart when I was teenager. Come rain, come pain. The worst part was that nobody, again, believed me. No doctor, nobody. No help from them. Just put some stincky motoroil on your knee and shut up. Thats the instructions. No painkillers. Dont know….. If your kid is telling you that somewhere is such pain that she or he pisses to pants… I recommend you better believe!

Anyways, so now over some years, the weather is getting stranger and stranger with every season. Last year there was snowstorm in Spain so that all small airports shut for five days. We have had few years such heatwaves that many people lost all or part of their crops. You know, if your all life is to grow potato and you know nothing else in life then you probably in deep shite if all your fields of potatos just cracked and you have nothing to sell and nothing to live on for the next nine months of lousy summerweather (thats sarcasm. We have winter season that long). So now I am trying to do some gardenworks at my summerhouse. I have had two years already the plants waiting for me to dig the holes an plant them to their stationary location where they could blossom. So I have two weeks freedom to do that. Guess what. I took out the shovel yesterday early mo at 7, set it to the visible place so I would not forget it. The heatwave struck me rather hard. I barely came out of the house which is cool like refrigerator due to its extremely thick walls. At midnight I took the shovel back in. Thats the work I do. None. Yet I was sweating like the time 30 years ago – dripping from my face! And I only stood there and did not do anything!!! Oh, yes, I was breathing and apparently that was already too much in 34 degrees heat. European measures, Celsius.

So I thought I am able to walk and trim gras. I put on bikinis, knee-lenght rubber boots and vest, and visir. Took the trimmer, swithched it on. By the time I had done with mere two metres of human-hight weeds I was soaking wet everywhere. Yes, there too. I thought some insects are attacking my bum running down my thighs but turned out it was my own sweat running down my spine and, to my surprise, into my boots! So I was literally squirting along the weedpath, ass wet, eyes full of sweat and thats the best lunch the horseflies were waiting for since many moons. For gods sake they actually torn pieces of flesh off from me, flew up to a tree to feast on it. I mean in addition to the forever insect-inviting sweat I was now bleeding everywhere. This is somekind of horrormovie setting I say! But stubborn as I am, pored myself over with water and completed the job. The moment last weed was cut I dropped the fucking trimmer, yancked the fucking boots, splashed water on my body from the only running water I have – a gardenhose – and ran to house. Oh, lord. This fucking nature is literally killing people with insects. Everything was in pain except nails and hair! I needed aloe bath or something. Took painkillers and lathered myself with some after sun cream and the wonds I treated with whatever medical stuff I could found. So the mean insects that ten or twenty years ago lived in Mediterranean or even in Africa are raging here. I had fever that night. Next mo woke up and from the overdose of insects I felt like I had been struck by streetcar after the wildest night out! I have heard some people are very sensitive or allergic to wasps or so and could even die. Well, take the horseflies adn beat that. I think I died several times that night. Horror.

Anyways, I survived. As I am the real veed! 

Suddenly some heartache stuck me. I suddenly thought. What if the blody wasps and horseflies beat me. And nobody, I say NOBODY, was there to help. I would just lay there in the sun and fade away to eternity. Nobody would have noticed. Nobody would call. I would be there in the field five days already. Only lawnmower would come and cut off my toes of fingers and move ahead only to come back later and rip off my hair. But I would not feel anything as I would be dead for three days already. The “wild” aka homeless cats whom I feed for few years already would come to demand their food.

Nobody else.

They say there is someone in the world for everyone. Well, even in this overcrowded world we now live I seem to be the single sock that the washingmashine did not eat away. The other sock was seen only once when came home from shop and someone put it on. Where is that mysterious second sock? Is there point to look for it or just toss the other one aswell…. I am quiet mostly. I am great fun when partytime. I can laugh hours in. I must be smart. Others say so. But somehow I am single sock. Where is the other sock?

Johnny, would you want to try on this one sock?

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

What a lovely time of the year! What a lovely time of life it should be. Summer, long legs, short skirts, warm breeze, sandy beaches, long kisses, holding hands, telling sweet nothings.

Just realised I never had anything like that. Apart of the summer weather and short skirts. I mean I have usual legs. Not the typical mudstompers look, but nothing unusual either. I am blessed with straight legs, thats for sure, so short skirts caused some real trouble in traffic (no casualities, only heavy and rather costly repairs). But I am talking long kisses, holding hands, telling sweet nothings. I have missed out on those. How did that happen!? Or, I had them, but it was just so long ago that my brain backupfiles have been overwritten? Was there love ever? Was it just lust? Was I used? Did I use someone? Could be my understanding in the past did not match with the understanding of others.

Maybe, just maybe, he loved me but I just simply used him to get off from the streets? He asked me, convinced me for few months before I agreed to move in. I gave up my freedom, exchanged it to roof, warm meals and comfy bed? I just realised that some people could read it as if I was cheap bitch!

Oh, I am having identity crisis or midlife crisis or some other crisis now. Time to buy that Ducati Monster that I always dreamed of? I dont really care what anyone thinks of me. I do anyway as I will, come good or bad out of it. Gutfeeling never failed me. But I am really sad that suddenly when you are down nobody gives a fuck. Over the years we have become so shallow. All gogogo! and no time to just wander off to forests or gaze wildbirds or waves crushing into beach, just sit and do fuck all. I like that English modern expressions :). We dont know how to just BE. As inuits say you only know your true friend when the ice breaks. I sometimes wonder if anyone can know anyone so good there is never any misunderstandings, no conflicts, no errors. Seems, even if you trust, love, give all, you can be destroyed with just one blink of an eye. How else to overcome this tragic betrayal except with being naive again. So we are willing to get hurt again, voluntarily! Funny creatures we are! 

I am very good living on my own, doing as I please, satisfied in general. But then I wake up at night at 3 to go to pee. Its Midsummers night, the longest day here. As I dont have running water (unless I make it run from hose :)) and the toilet is outside in the back of the garden I reluctantly climb out of warm bed and trot to garden. Its already bright, fresh morning, the sun is up high already almost looks like she did not go down even. I go barefoot on the gras, it feels like my feet are terribly thirsty and I cant get enough of this morning dew wet grass. I drag my feet on grass to catch every drop of the water. Everything is so fresh and I feel cold as I just came out of bed wearing only t-shirt. I dont go to toilet, I am too lazy. I squat right here by the terrace. Someone is splashing water in the small lake I have by the house. This someone is very happy! I try to see if its bird or beaver or someone else. Ahh, whoever it was, saw me first and did not come to view anymore. Damn! I do my thing, slide my hands over the wet grass. A natural handwash it is. I slide once more and tap my face with it. Uhh, I am all awake and the same moment I see baby fox in my backyard playing hide n seek with someone. Shouldnt they be asleep?? Its crisp morning, not cold but I am shaking. I run to the door, run upstairs and get to bed dragging all seven blankets over me. I have my personal heating techniques since childhood – I sit as yogi, fold myself into two halves creating sort of a room between my legs and torso, and breath warm air onto my toes. Its good. I thought I will not go back to bed, but these lazy times get me. I wake up two hours later in the same position. Yes, I could join the circus. Its also the reason I dont mind travelling in tight conditions. I just fold myself on my seat and sleep. The ability to fold myself was also very handy when I was out of money. I then went to bar crawling and found a guy or guys, got some drinks and started chatting away. When the talks came to work or hobbies I stated I make bets and I always win. 100% of the time this statement is intriguing. Next they always wanted to know what kind of bets. So I say various, but today I can put legs behind my neck, but it will cost you. Its always a lot of laughing and fun and shouting, but then the mood is also high. So they ask how much and I usually say 500 Eur for one, 800 Eur for two and tell they have to put the money under my drink. So its a blast! Whatever they want after payment done, either both legs or one, I do it right there at the bar on the barstool. If they ask for one I ask them to choose left or right. I once fooled one guy when I said “I can put legs behind the neck” and he did not think much of it…. gave money and I put one of my legs behind his neck 🙂  Then he was slightly dissapointed so I put my leg behind my neck too, to give him the real value :). Yeah, this has been my partytrick but it only works first time. But gave me quite many megapints over the years. I earned my “crazy blonde” nickname with honours! It has been a long time since I earned some hard cash with me legs. 

Time to move forward. 

Its nighttime.

I want to take chances. But dont know how. There is 15 million fans in Johnny Depp Facebook, another countless amount on some fanpages. Haaaaah, thats a huge selection. A lot to choose from. Or not to choose at all. Or choose some old one. Even though everyone knows preheated soup is never good.

If you, Johnny ever see that blog, please be my penpal 🙂

themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

Share my blog, anyone?

XOXOX

What could be better than topless and barefoot enjoying warm weather, beer and sunshine, nobody in sight. I guess nobody. If some perv is hiding in bushes, then I am not aware of it. May he have a nice day, may he enjoy the view, the forbidden fruit:) . Or, at least the sight of the forbidden fruit!

Mentally preparing for Midsummers, which here is also a National holiday. So we will have five days off. For some folks it means heavy drinking. For most people it means concerts, huge fires and seeking for love. There are many legends connected to the Midsummers here. Most common, obviously, is that single people will find love in the Midsummers night, which is the longest day in a year and therefore shortes night of the year. In fact it meas just that it doesnt get dark for many hours as usual, just some 2-3 hours dark and then the sun comes up again. I remember, with some help of the booze, that there have been occasions that felt as if the sun never went down even. But that was when I was much much younger. Last such party, when we danced and drinked til 7 o’clock in the mo was probably some 15 years ago. That was so much fun, my friend and I went to Amsterdam to see tulips, more precisely the endless tulipfields and park Keukenof. For me that was some 6th or 7th trip to Amsterdam. That was the best trip ever. I had so much fun, I laughed so hard, we had long days and even longer nights and the funniest thing ever – not her nor me saw a single tulip during this trip! 😉

We still think dearly of that trip. Sitting in streetcafe on the Dam, 10 o´clock in the mo ordered already first bottle of wine. By noon we had already ordered lunch – another bottle of wine. We were so busy all day long, by the time we stood up to go to hotel it was 1.30 at night! Passers by came sat at our table, had a chat, shared a glass, they went on, we remained. I dont know what they thought of us, nobody ever went to anyone elses table…. Maybe we looked odd or …. really dont know. Hilarious. What museum, what paintings and sunflowers, lets do it tomorrow!! And so we smoothly and extremely lazily decided to postpone every day. Even worse – we forgot about the tulips the moment the plane landed!

All of our trips have been similar, no matter if in homecountry or going further. We have a blast always, without us the party doesnt even start. We are always the last standing. There were a few occasions when we were invited to a corporate outing of some 2000 people only to get the party started. Total strangers found us by calling around describing us, until they found out our names and called us. It was a bit strange, but today I think it was like primitive standup (it officially ocurred here only some 5 years ago) we made. We just sat, drank beer, yapped, laughed loudly. And all the rest laughed my laugh. I am not joking here. First I thought its odd, but then my friends said my laugh is highly uncommon and extremely funny. Well, they see from the side, so I have no say in it. 

I only once heard my own laugh, it was not video. I was in some public event. It was the beginning of mobile phones, our lovely neighbour Nokia made such phone where you can record and set the ringtone as you wish. Some put New Kids on the Block song or Sandra or… It was recess and people chatting and then I heard it. Someone, total stranger, had it as a ringtone. I was horrified, it was horrible. It was so incredibly horrible I had to leave the event. The only good thing was this guy did not know it was me, and he seemed really loving it. 

I have now supported local village shop for many a hundreds euros, buying all drinks and food for a week or so. I am the main supporter for this small shop :). They have just two types of beer, two types of icecream, some sausages for BBQ and ofcourse strong alcohol. The last I have not bought since Xmas as thats when it gets extremely cold here and every now and then shot of Stroh 60 is actually a medical treatment. With the cold, snow and darkness we are one of the leading country of depression. Sharing the first places with Finland. We also share the highest amount of strong alcohol per capita. We train well at least 10 months a year, ofcourse we became pros. How else would that turn up then. The only problem is the life expectancy is not as high as everywhere else. First reason is the body will give up – when there is not enough blood in your veins that is. Second reason is your car gives up – especially when driver is totally drunk, not unusual to have full car of casualities. And third – you end up helping yourself to end this misery by going to swim drunk as hell. What a horror when 17 years old, five in one car, going 140km/h in 70km/h and find substantial tree and end up all dead in 3 seconds. It has been our trademark every year exactly this time of year. Wonder who wins this time. We have 2-3 days to go…..

Now heatwave, a whole 24C all day long. Promises some 30C on weekend. Thats the heat when most hide under tree and actually can not dring beer even. We then have new diet – breakfast, lunch and dinner – icecream. And all day long mineral water. Its the seasonal weightloss program. Which means at about Xmas you gain all back again, because to keep warm you need some fat. The longer I live the better I see this phenomenon. I have 8 kilos dissapearing at summer. By the time of February I am literally unsinkable due to the fatroll around my waist. And I have been hearing the same is happening to several of my friends. So I figured its time to move to Tenerife or California or so, I would be size S and remain so for the whole year!! Dream on.

Again, note for Johnny: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

For leisure, 

For love,

For fun, 

For anything good,

XOXO