The Mad Hatter

The Mad Hatter

  • 46 Valentine or not?

    The time of spring is approaching. Snow is almost gone. The grass that got suddenly covered with snow is now as green as it was. I dont quite remember grass being green in winter right after the snow disappeared. Probably because I was not looking down.

    So another dreadful month coming. Apart of the Xmas and snow that is. February is important for the young, for the lovers, for the couples. Not for me then. But I will play along. Dont like it, but what can you do. All shops are covered in red heartshaped crap starting from candies, pillows, balloons and ending with almost nonexcistent strings. For both, male and female. Strings like underwear. No strings attached to strings ;).

    Anyways, in few days it will be done and over with these fancy pantsy. And then another anniversary comes up, the 24th February. The day that the evil shorty started the war. Modern idiot. How it is that with todays fancy equipment he is still standing. How is it that there has not yet been the 8 grams of metal in his head. Really fed up with this idiot and his followers. The incredible volumes of stupidity is exhausting. Why there is no masters with fancy bits of cookies and tea? Or why the windows dont open near this evil shorty? Now get him some cake, candies or flowers with magic thorns for Valentines day. Anyone, please.

    There is not much to write. Not much to write about good things. Because there are not many good things in winter, during war, after horrid earthquake in middle east. Nothing good. The only good thing is that they get survivors out on time. The bad thing is newborn babies have nobody else surviving. Swept off from the Earth whole families. Swept off from Earth just common people, who have done nothing wrong. But the evil shorty is preparing celebratory statements and parties. Incredible. Russians dont understand the world as we do, their religion is the ruler, and their religion is this evil shorty whom they follow no matter what. They actually gave furcoats to the viwes of dead soldiers, filming it as if to tell the world how good they are, and then take the coats back. So the price of a russian soldier used to be Lada – a russian make car. Then 3-pack of towels. Then furcoats. But then no furcoats. Propaganda is so crazy but still working. Its hilarious, because russians do believe it. There are russians with some gray cells lef tho, and they by themselves state that 80% of russians are brainwashed, following, believing, fulfilling orders. Amazing.

    Slava Ukraini!

    Power to Iran!

    Power to Turkey and Syria!

    May the horrors end, may the evil dissapear!

    For JD who might still be in UK, come to see:

    themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

    , ,

  • 45 Slava Ukraini!

    So. It only took 11 months to get common sense, eyes opened, talks heard by germans, americans… whatta shame. No words to describe the level of dissapointment. As if the people deciding are retards. And I am not kidding. To be not able to hear and understand what we, neighbours of terrorist state Russia, were telling them. Telling from the first week of the war. I think it was the day eight when president of Ukraine called for help with heavy weapons. Nothing. Talking heads thinking they know russian mentality, understand russians are crazy stupid and arrogant? Right. No. They lived in strangest of illusion for months, fuelled with stupid hope that there will be sense (?!) in russians heads ;). The main dissapointment for us – us, the countries that have been occupied by and suffered from constant russian arrogance and stupidity for years! – was that nobody listened to us. We, the neighbours, bordering countries. Together with Ukraine. The fact that nobody listened us cost Ukraine the life of hundred thousand civilians, including kids. And its still counting. I dont know how the talking heads can live with themselves now. Its their fault. Would they decide right when this horror started. Would they decide to send the tanks immediately or at least within few months…. but no, they are smarter and sure russians are too (you know thats irony, right)

    Unfortunately, after decades of observing russians, working literally exclusivly with them all my adult life (because they were sent here after IIWW). Plus, my childhood was exclusively under russian occupation (and now I can say, terrorism!), I feel and know for a fact that I know this strange species that is called “russians” very well. And that is not a good species to put it mildly.

    They say good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment. We had no bad judgement. Everything was decided without our participation. We only learned to live, survive and shut up. Anyone slightly rebellious was prosecuted, killed or simply sent to vast wonderland of Siberia with one way ticket. In cattlewagons. For later reference, the word and the meaning of “cattle” seems to be of primarly importance when talking “russia”. So when you were stupid enough, living in your barely surviving “farm” – meaning one cow and a handful of chickens – and had your cow knocked up. You know what happened? The russians came and took the calve, killed it and ate it. Smarter ones waited for autumn and came and took the slightly grown calve. And killed it and ate it. What, what did you say, they paid in cash? 😉 humor kept us alive, yes. If you protested, you got kick in the head with the rifle. If you protested more, you got shot right there. Same with any cattle. Only one cow was allowed, only 4 or 5 sheep, pigs … well, the average healthy pig had 11 to 13 tiny piggies. Had. You maybe saw them. If “lucky” you get to feed them for few months until the representatives of russian terrorists came to collect.

    That horror we lived. Killing civillians was, ofcourse, seldom after 1950ies, because we learned to shut up. We let them take whatever they pleased. Only to spare own lives. However, under oppression one learns new skills. And, as stated beforehand – russians are not very bright. More like stupid cattleforce. I am still amazed how this kind of people live rather long life. In theory they should not survive, evolution should work. But we have modern medicine, which now has served us in a negative way.

    So the shootings sort of ended and harassement became more or less “civil” by the 1960-1970. They just harassed, observed, stole our livelyhood by declaring limits and taking “excess”. We sort of obeyed. Because our lands here have some 60-80% of forests, and we live here all our lives we knew these forests as our backyard. Our first neighbour lived 3 kilometres away. Roads were minimal and these same roads we have today. All in between the roads were huge masses of forests. Forests that we knew as our backyard. And in these forests we hide all our “excess” cows, lambs, horses. And these idiots (read: russians) never realised. I worked as a child from when I was almost 5 years old. My tasks were to find our animals in the forests or hide them in the forests. I had to find cows on time twice a day. It took some time for them to realise where and when to come and they started showing up by themselves on time. But the work still remained as if the leader of cows died I had to train them again next year. And we had to change the location every year too, in case some helpful neighbour ratted us out.

    I am proud of my country, our rebellious souls, our clever minds, our surviving skills, our look to bright future. We dont go back. Ever. Never. That is exactly why we understand Ukraine. That is exactly why we support and help Ukraine. Because we are today and have always been pain in poo-tins arse.

    In a way this is exactly what todays talking heads in Europe and USA dont understand. These people never had hunger, never suffered oppression, never worked for free or for a piece of bread. They never were forced to speak strange language. They never were punished for speaking own language. They never were forced to sing hail Lenin and march with red russian flags. They never got paid for months work in toilet paper. Monthly salary was pile of toilet paper. Not money. Not even vodka. 

    This is what president of Ukraine remembers from his childhood. Maybe. Maybe even worse as he is jew (in our country that was not much of emphasised “problem”. We did not have any racisim or nazism as far as my family and friends remember. And again, it doesnt mean in some end of the country there was 1 skinhead or looney). We are the same age with president of Ukraine. And that is what I remember. This is galaxies away from the memories of todays talking heads of Europe and USA. And that is why they dont understand that there will be no going back, no going back to be part of anything of russian origin. Russians live like cockroaches, within their own shit. Whatever they touch turns into shit. Whatever they say makes no sense. They are raised cattleforce, sent to die as cattleforce. Todays russians never had own ability to think. The bright people were killed or sent to Siberia. What was left was bottomscrapers, meat for cannons. And thats not utopia. Thats facts!

    The bright russian people today – not to be offended by the above, dear, but you are a rare vision. I start to tremble when I hear russian language. I have enough of the cockroaches. They are fucking everywhere. And from only a look you cant separate the normal people from the arrogant russian nazis. That is why we are cautious. Because your nation tried for over 80 years to destroy us, many of you still consider being of higher quality than locals but still dont speak the local language. Where else in the world you behave like shit? Everywhere. In Turkey, in Egypt, in Germany. Everywhere. You are referred as cockroaches. To my surprise you are referred as cocroaches EVERYWHERE! 

    That is what Europe and USA dont understand. They have no experience surviving russian occupation. And they ignored what we said right from the start of the war. Because they thought we are bluffing. Because they thought poo-tin is all fluffy and pink, must not be insulted or he will cry.

    That is why Ukraine will not give up. That is why we, neighbouring countries support Ukraine so fiercly giving our last to them. 

    I actually lost my work because of the war. And I actually shot myself to my foot when I turned to our governent with request and actually rather strict order! to close the borders for food supply. My company moved foodstuffs to Russia. Whole trainloads of it. Years and years. And months after the war started. Then I realised I am feeding the terrorists and called up our government to close the borders. Close the borders for me. I knew I will be without income. But I rather starve than feed the killingmachine. Government finally closed the border for foodstuffs somewhere in October or November 2022 and by now all my savings are gone. Its February 2023 in few days. I will support Ukraine. I will suffer because of it. I am ready. 

    NO GOING BACK. 

    Slava Ukraini!

  • 44. horrors continue

    Noticed in my communications lately that some people have difficulties understanding me. It could be that my speech is still impaired after stroke that I had some 17 years ago, I really dont “hear” that myself. I also dont have much 1:1 human contact, so I actually dont speak much. And the funny thing is, when I do speak that would be mostly in three totally different (from each other, that is) languages – my mothertongue, Russian and English. So that mixup can have even the brightest mind confused the words and languages every now and then, not to mention stoke “survivor”. That could add to the speech being muffeled or mumbling of sort. Really cannot put the finger on, but nevertheless have received notes claiming I am difficult to understand. So when on phone or in public, I decided to stand straight, try not to laugh (because I do laugh all the time, could be remaining side-effect of stroke!) and open my mouth wide and talk SLOWLY. However when writing there must be either typos or just plain gramma errors – thats because I never had formal English language education. So again, pardon me, and ignore the tiny errors which I am sure are hiding someplace even now!

    For anyone finding my texts now and / or skipping some chapters where I might have been explaining myself, my skills or my past – I would like to announce English is not my mothertongue, nor second language, nor third, nor fourth, but fifth language and, I was selftaught and just went to uni to do the exams. Also, I graduated with honours, but that was not English studies in deeper level. That being said, I apologise in advance for all grammatical errors that might ocurr aswell as the ever so common typos. As my thought flies faster than my fingers and sometimes you can proofread all you want 😉 but you just dont see IT.

    I am not religious person. Because whenever, where-ever I collided with even the faintest of ideas of religion, say, someone saying the name of Jesus – it always had bad taste to it. Let me explain in more details some of the situations and thoughts. Initial experience at home was religion free totally, 100%. My real home was against all oppression, all forced “junk” including all religion, Lenin and Russkii Mir. My elders were not religious, never went to church when I was around (though we had one barely standing, and barely standing because most of the people in our country are non-religious, hence the congregation of 23 people can not really keep up the maintenence with handful of pennies). My mother however, was babtised some time around 1950. But that was mostly because that time it was part of education, something you could not escape. And that!, being religious or having any contact with any church!, did not come in handy when II WW ended. Everyone vaguely suspicious of being religious, no matter jew or not, was either harrassed, shot or sent to Siberia. For more than 50 years we were not allowed to celebrate Xmas, or as we knew it – winter solstice or Juletide. Again, nothing to do with religion but the change of season or duration of sunshine if you will. The solctice celebrations were hijacked from nordic pagan people by christians when they came conquering and occupying. So after IIWW when caught with tree and ornaments and celebrations on wrong time you were harassed. So generously russians “allowed” to celebrate their understanding of this – Ded Moroz in troika (the three horses carriage with blue-coated Father of Frost) – and the timing was slightly later than “proper Xmas”, usually after new years eve. We as pagans were celebrating wintersolstice with so-called Juletide tree that could be translated as you wish, but most people simply said word to word “spruce-tree” or tannenbaum (sometimes some words were of German heritance for the oldest people who were taught German in school). Partly a wannabe show-off, thats for sure. There were wannabes in our family too. Furcoats, red lipstick, drinking tea with pinky poking out. Next moment cleaning stables from shite pretending that to be just temporary ;). Forty years gone by. Still cleaning and pretending.

    I heard the word “lord” or “god” or “good good” only when people were doing hard physical work, and their bodies threatened to give up – aches, exhaustion. Hard physical work as that times we did not have fancy machinery as today. Every task was done by hand, exception being ploughing snow (sometimes) and prepping field for potatoes (both seeding and picking). So the old bones bending over the potatoes obviously got worned out fast, and in order to keep going one has to stretch. So when the grownups stretched they usually, some 90% of time, said: “Good Lord” or “Oh, Lord” or some equivalent of this. That means it was used as conjunction. Its not indicating that the person is religious. Because they are not.

    Jumping to a different topic for a moment and for closure today. One of the worlds favourite magician – musician has passed away. I am speechless. Speechless because I saw it coming some time at Xmas. Had terrible dreams for several days and I saw white rooms and silver metal tubes, masks, drips. We have at least his music, the biggest there is in life. I got to hear in live concert in Helsinki. Precious. Music. Rest in peace Jeff Beck.   

    Dreaming of freedom or freedom of dreaming. 

    Even though not religious. 

    I pray for Ukraine

    I pray for Iran

    The pain is unbearable

    Its annoying

    The inability to decide

    Cowards

    ,

  • 43 the worst time on repeat

    Sorry for the silence, folks, have been busy surviving the ever suddenly coming winter. Its not that terribly cold yet and I hope most people have changed the tyres for winter ones. First few days of snow were fun, but also expensive for the ones who ended up crashing.

    That bit was written almost a mont ago. After that it all went to limbo. Winter came and all superproblems became again terribly visible. Now two big horrors: for what seems to be going on a whole eternity the Russian invasion to Ukraine and, looooong baking revolution in Iran. My father was a man of few words. He rarely talked. Usually he simply did not give a fuck because most of the time and most of the big things in world was not for simple commoner to change. And he kept his focus on what he was doing. Yapping about things that did not concern him was totally not his style. So, when he suddenly in random time and random place spoke everyone was listening. I remember it as if it was yesterday. That how significant each time he said anything was. It was sometime during 1984 or 1985, after listening to news, world news, not just local ones!, from radio. The news were about Iran, their mulla (or whatever their titles were that time) Khomeini, their new rules for women or of some sort. It was not quite understandable to me (plus the word mulla means a whole different thing in our language:) ) as I was just a preschool child and I didnt understand even the words that were said nor the concept of other countries like Iran excisting! For us was “only important Stalin, Lenin, Moscow and Russkii Mir” and that we had to keep pretending liking this shit to survive. Being betrayed by own close neighbour or even relative was more or less common practice. We nodded to everything, agreed to everything, but inside was boiling. Our goal was to survive and wait for the suitable moment. So, some day in 1984 or 1985 my father, sitting at the kitchen table looking through the window to eternity behind the forest said, particularly to nobody: “So this is the end of Iran as we know it”. And went to work. Nothing else. These words were said with such passion, regret, sadness, confusing mix of emotions, that I remembered them my whole life. This sentence kept me from going to Iran 4 times, as a tourist. I always wanted to visit this region, but understanding the constant conflicts throughout the years and my fathers words, I never went. Be it Syria, Iraan, Iraq, even Arab emirates, even northern Africa – nothing good can come of places where the ruler is religion. Or USA for that matter. Nothing good comes from religion, especially forced on religion. Never has come, never will come. Nothing.

    Not a single atheist or pagan ever went to school with AK47 for killingspree. Also, the one lunatic who went to kindergarden in Belgium and cut the throats of some 13 or 17 one-year old babies. Certainly not pagan, certainly not atheist. Who were raping the church-choir boys? Bad guy from the ghetto? Nope. Who was it killing the orphans, in Ireland, in Romania, in Canada? Bigfoot? Nope, these were nuns! NUNS! Or these orphans and indigenous kids just disappeared to thin air? Yes, in the name of god, a fairytale. In hopes that you go to heaven. Or heaven plus 72 virgins. Let me tell you. There is slightly more realistic fairytale, its called Santa Claus. And he actually excists! No? Well, I have been to his place twice. You, however, havent seen god with your own eyes :). Cinderella too excists, you can find her after 40 minutes ride from Paris central station. Or an hour or so from Orlando airport? I guess…. Oh, I know, you say these are not real, they are characters played by actors and actresses. Yeah, well, your god is not even played. And the only thing you confirm by believing in god is that you are off your rocker! To claim you have invisible friend who created all the world and is the true leader… I mean, hell yeah, you sure can do all your dirty deeds as you know that you are forgiven in advance!!! How can you believe this nonsense! A few thousand years ago one guy died, so you can go ahead and do whatever you wish for because he has your sins covered 🙂 . This is the furthest you get from common sense. I sure am happy that I was born in non-religious country and with ability to think, use common sense and act as is normal, and in addition, most of us here do that without invisible bearded friend sitting on a cloud. Recommend highly for grown ups – dont drink, dont smoke, dont do things you cannot handle. And, switch on your common sense – fairytales are called fairytales for a reason – they are not true. Plus you are going to hell anyway, because your sins are yours and not forgiven. Invisible friend can not forgive you anything because he doesnt excist!!

    Most times, it just gets down to common sense. Just dont start yapping about god/ allah/ or any other equivalent of fairytale to a person less than 18 years old. Anyone younger than that is not capable to understand nor choose nor decide on such matter. Dont force your beliefs on kids. That oppressive behaviour should, in fact, be considered a criminal act.

    Anyways. I now declare I found motivation to start moving towards my longlost fit body. Just started on last day of November, slowly to move my ass so to speak. AND I kid you not! Immediately it worked in a way I lost some four hours later a whole 1 kilo! And I did not expect that because I stopped sport or any physical fast movement years ago. I still am bearable to watch by naked eye though as I always had physically challenging work, which included lifting heavy loads, walking long distances and in fact the most energy consuming task was always to keep warm. I kid you not! I could be 10-12 hours outside in – 10C or even -25C without any place to get shelter. So to survive is the main goal. Its not terribly difficult to keep warm if there was either intensive walking or intensive lifting involved. The worst day was when I just had to stand and wait. Wait, wait and wait a little more. Just standing in winter outside is the most dangerous. Your feet, your face, everything, every bit of your body sort of starts to shut down one by one. Its pretty ridiculous that its forbidden to leave and sit in car or wait it out somewhere inside some building, anywhere.

    This bit of writing I started in November. I lost motivation as I was suffocating under the masses of idiots of ruzzia. They truly are magnificent in their brainless life. Its a true miracle these kinds of imbeciles live. Damn that modern medicine!

    But now, I close this bit. Though a few days later, I consider it to be the closing of this dreadful 2022. I hope to find motivatio and good emotions to get out of this winter alive.

    Happy New Year!

    Slava Ukraini!

  • 42 come fun!

    I am new to all these fancy social mediums like TikTok and Instagram. So I just made account for the blogsite in Insta, and somehow appeared also TikTok logo on my phone… dont know how and when, but there it is. So I opened it, some funny stuff people have time to record, cut, adjust, add music or some texts and upload it…. I mean, I am old, but not that old but I dont have such time! There are adult people doing shit, filming themselves and sharing this? Dont they work? I am fascinated. Because I have thousands of things to do every day, I set priorities, I select the most important and slowly but steadily I get them done. But to do all what I do AND film it??? I mean…. I must be dumb but I dont get it….. For instance some pretty boys, all tatooed and fit and tanned, 35 years old, have only tight boxers on and ask the viewers: if I was yours for 24 hours what would you do with me? What is this gigolo sales site? You know what most viewers comment there aint got nothing to do with their target – the bedroom. Most viewers say they would use the guy for something around the house like fixing leaks or roof, babisitting while mom is literally sleeping for the first time in years, or painting a house or anything that sort. First I thought uuuuh, nice view, nice abs! But then when 5th naked guy rotated and flipped around his mega-willy in the camera I dont know what is their goal and what to do with this info. I really dont know what it is. Its not porn, its not selling anything, its not complaining, its literally NOTHING but partial striptease online? I mean, ok, its for free to watch and most of the show offs are really pretty … but I dont get the concept of wasting ones time to upload this shit….

    The other option is that I really am too old to understand. Well. 

    But then some logarithm decided no more naked guys with mega dicks for me and now I have every second video showing me pimples being squeezed. I mean what the fuck? I find these videos make at least some sense as there are some names or addresses of the beauty clinics somewhere in the heading or footing, all good with that – its selling its services, selling in a way that even dinosaur like me understand. However, my problem with these videos is principal: who are these people who have gotten their faces or backs or other bits of body THAT DIRTY and filled with mixture of dead skin, dirt and fat residue, all stuck in black pores, or worse, its all red or purple filled with yellow or green puss!! I mean dont they have mirror at home??? The huge roundy poop-like thing is right in the middle of the face!!! How can you not see it for YEARS?????? It would take me some ten years of not washing, not seeing a mirror, not touching my face to get such result. I mean its not possible to not see this level of horror residing in your face! Dont you touch your face ever? Wash it with water, maybe even some sort of soap like thing? You have fingers, right? You dont feel there are roundy bits in your face? Dont see the black dots on your face? Oooh, to hell with that! I am pleased the mighty logarithm decided I need this sort of satisfaction, as I am hell sure I aint getting any other type of satisfaction. Might aswell enjoy and be amazed! 

    Watching some feed of comedians, again, the mighty logarithm decided or realised I understand English. I love play of words. Just saw an ad that Jim Jeffries is coming to Europe. So I see I have to start booking the tickets. 

    For Jim Jeffries for sure, not yet decided what country…. He is so hilarious, and his humour is exactly what I like, dark, and juicy. Then there is Bruce Springsteen coming, probably will take Amsterdam ticket for him. I am going to sort of cheat myself into it, as buying the ticket makes me actually go to the events. Otherwise I would postpone and postpone and never go. My cultural program at homecountry is quite busy, as you might know Rammstain, John Cleese, Bad Seeds, and now latest was the Queen tribute some weeks ago. Figured, I will be checking in to all the events as once the stars have made an effort to come to the end of the world, to be seen here, I might as well respond and go to see them. Live show is not comparable what is online bits.

    Anyways, just took a look out of the window and what I see!??!!??! ITS SNOWING!!!! Very first snow! Jippppyyy!

    On that note I shall close for today. Johnny, while cruising in US, come also to us ;), back to Europe, back to where things are calm and sweet.

    While I like surprises, I rather you write in advance: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com and I shall be preparing the best week or weeks in your life 🙂

    Stay cool and warm

    XOXOX

    , ,

  • 41 ol´ times creeping

    Had a dream where, oddly enough, were together my passed dad and Johnny Depp. Strange, I know. My dad occurs in my dreams a few times a year. He is never saying anything. Or, I just dont remember when I wake up. Dont know. This time he just gave me a look. The look was approving. Approving of me and certainly approving JD. There is no doubt I am a nutter ;). Rumour has it, we live life full of fun and pleasures 😉 so thats why I dont mind.

    What was my everyday when growing up. Most of our nation is generally people of few words. My family was even extreme. We went days without talking, without saying a single word to each other. This strange setting settled in me so strong that whenever I had a conflict with boyfriend I just shut up. I remember one time I was silent for more than three months. Living in one apartment we did not talk to eachother. Now I know what was my thinking process and I know why this silece happened. There is complex reasons that created this odd “normality” for me. You see, the conflict was always stupid – lets say, why you drinking already 6th beer and its workday tomorrow…. Stupid reason. As I realised its stupid reason to fight I also realised the best is to shut up and not waste oxygen on talking. I had nothing to add to this conflict that would make it any better. So shut up and do my thing. The second reason was I left for work at 7 and came back at 21 exhausted. He woke up at noon and could be gone until midnight if lucky. Our chedules were totally different. That in short means, that we literally had no time to fight even. I do believe it was one of the reasons we ended up living together for 13 years. Minor fights, about beer or smoking inside the flat, and these were just a 2 or 3 times. Apart of these we did not have any conflicts throughout the 13 years. However…… when that last half year started rolling, boy, it was rolling bad. The level of hate was incredible. The acts were vile and so mean I still today wonder where on earth did that all came from….. It was horrible. I think it all was just a split second away from murder. So horrible I ended up having stroke and partial paralysation. So horrible that he only laughed on this and on me, and yelled at me “you are eight months pregnant and so drunk you babbling nonsense and can not stand up?!??!”. I couldnt believe it then, after quiet and peaceful, funny and cooperative 12 years together. I cant believe it now. I was in such deep shock, it was something from pshychological thriller or something. Horror. This mental torture that followed. Days later he yelled again that I am drunk and babbling. Now I know what it was. I did not realise my speech was impaired. Then. I thought I am making myself pretty clear, but out came incoherent mumble. I called him to bring something to eat. He didnt. Partly because he did not understad a word I was saying. I was stuck home, partially palysed and nothing to eat. For days. Until I dragged myself down three flights of stairs and got to my car. Barely made it as car was 200 metres away in parking and I did not have walking sticks. Plus it was winter, ice everywhere, and I had no clothes to cover my huge whalesize belly. Horror, horror, horror. Only to sit into car and to realise I am exhausted. I didnt make it to shop. I went to drive in. You do know already what happened there. I thought I was clear with my order. They did not understand a word. I dont remember much. But I realised there is no way to get around on the ice half paralyzed. Remember crying so hard I could not see where I am. Remember climbing back out of car and up the three flights. Remember it took me 2.5 hours to get up to the third floor. Even more starving, even more exhausted. I could not phone, nobody to phone to. And vaguely remember calling someone and this someone put down the phone. Obviously thought something wrong with connection. Called back….. same blablabla, incoherent speech. Nobody realised to come by and check on me. Backfired the silence that everyone got used to and everyone is today also pretty much used to. We, as whole nation, we dont talk much. There are hilarious videos today allover the internet about our special traits. And its truth. When Covid hit we also got the instructions to keep 2 metres apart. And I kid you not – the struggle was real as we are used to keeping 5 metres apart and 2 metres is our “personal space” that only the closest are allowed into. It is real. I kid you not. You can recognise real locals just by the distance they keep between themselves and strangers. You can also recognise immediately other nationalities when you are the strange one ;). Loud voices, touching publicly, smile or greeting – boy, this is like a taboo to us. When I had a few too many beers in pub watching football championship and someone foreigner came to sit next to me, as one does, greeting and introducing himself…. I was instatly sober. And usually that was the time to go home for me. 

    Few times made a really good friends in pubs though. The times when I was almost broke and started to make bets in pubs. Bets to earn money. I think I wrote about this in one of the earlier posts: I found funny lads (or actually they reached me as I was sitting in pub usually alone) and told them that I am a working girl. Note its always play of words for me, in all languages. So after stating that I am working girl they immediately were bland from face as they thought I was a hooker. Then I was pleased as I had their attention anyway. I explained I work as a bet-maker. Fun nights assured! Then they were curious as finally they had, in the end of the world as they said, met someone with perfect English! Mind you, all the girls they had seen so far were all russian sluts, literally, who stated hourly fee right after stating their names. Blowjob on “the way” was 6.40 Eur (converting to the currency we had then), all night was 32 Eur. And I told them I know you only have met russian hookers as no local girl goes out in these places during weekdays. Apart of me – because I was a soccer fan nad Formula 1 fan, so I was always out when game or race was on. Oh, just thinking of the good times in F1, Rubens Barricello, Mika Häkkinen, Schumacher, Couldhart! Damn, I knew every score, every lineup, every race I was staring like hawk without noticing anything around me. That always took almost whole day, the best days in my life at that time: a race or competition, nice huge screen, lots of beer and sometimes even lunch to go with it. Actually miss that a bit, but today I dont know any racers, only hear some Ricciardo, Vettel, Verstappen… maybe they are out already, no clue. Should get back to my fav sports though, start my own good days again… 

    Made some 200 macroons and some 20 pavlovas for the upcoming housewarming party. Its actually opening of a jazzclub, but I figured some good people show up. I expect only best people as not a single bad person likes jazz ;). So I will treat them with sugar in such level they might end up in “sugarcoma”. I will have all my ads there around the sweets so I hope to get some sales too. You see, I am clever.

    Closing now this small chapter of thoughts. 

    Stay warm and cool

    And, to repeat endlessly the email for Johhny to write his alter ego 😉 the Mad Hatter: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

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  • 40. a good roundy number

    Ok, I have to say it for the sake of the people who have eyesight and natural sense of proportional “beauty”. Please men, young men, any men with certain urge, hear up. If you dont have a full size mirror, that is for you. If you have no brave and honest partner, that is for you. No matter what you think, no matter what you feel, no matter if you are sporty or fluffy, no matter if you think you have straight legs or Y or X legs, doesnt matter. Any of it doesnt matter at all. Just please, for everyones sake, dont wear them tight pants. Spare us the horrid sight of curly manlegs that look like peasticks under a Santa Claus giftsack! Please. I am sure you are not all blind. I am sure you are not evil looking for someones heartattack after spotting you trotting along in those…. looking like Minions Boss.

    Success and pregnancy are pretty much the same: everyone congratulates you but nobody knows how much you have been fucked to get there. Yeeah, thats about sums it up indeed! I look all glam and pretty, but thats a facade most people dont see behind to. I am generally happy person. And I am happy without any forbiden or half-forbiden supplements. Beer and wine excluded. I have been beer-free for a month now. First reason is: its fucking cold now here. And I love beer in a hot summerday, or also as a drink for dinner. I have ofcourse certain foods that the beer suits more, in my opinion that is, and I havent been cooking those meals lately. But wine has taken a newcoming, if thats how we speak in English ;). I have found a nice cava and that feels about right, light and airy. And I have many small victories to celebrate so I do. Thats in order to not go crazy. To keep one sane. So whats going on behind the closed doors? Nothing much. School, courses, knitting, fighting for resqued cats health, building website, cooking for cafeteria, keeping mind occupied with this blog. Thinking of Xmas – how to do, what to do…. Time flies, and when you are alone you have to start early to get all done. Nobody there to cooperate and thats sometimes wears me out, no matter how happy and full of celebratory bubbly I am.

    Lighting a candle for the passed. In some parts of the world its time of the ghosts, passed, closed ones that visit us in our dreams, and stand by our shoulder watching over. I light a candle for the kids in Ukraine. The kids who are not anymore. Who were ripped into pieces on playground. Who were ripped into halves while leaving their homes with just a small packpack. I light a candle for Irpin, Butcha and Azovstal. 

    And I wonder where are the eagle-eyed assasins who took down bin Laden? Sleeping? Dont know the address? What exactly are you waiting for?

    In Memory of Tetjana, and her kids Mykyta, 18, and Alisa, 9. They were the victims of mortar fire in Irpin, 6 March 2022. The day when “safe corridor” for civillians was agreed with Russia. Thats russians understanding of safe corridor. Fucking tarakans.

    Love and hate. Just a millimetre apart.

    Ignorance. 

    Wake up from your ignorance, world! 

    Time to clean home from roaches!

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  • 39. Yippikayee!

    Pissed off on world that is pacing by old dinosaurus, talking in weird lingo, half of which I have to guess. The new services, the new business modes, all communication between people, all is online – its becoming worse and worse. People dont know how to move, talk, even just BE! What Sidney Poitier, what Sean Connery, what Ingrid Bergman or Audrey Hepburn? They dont know what I am talking about! Well, to the hell with it. If I wasnt much of a music lover I probably would not know either about Rosemary Clooney or Rat Pack or not even Jimmy Hendrix ;)…. Wonder if they would have known about Elvis without this new film now. Probably not. Queen they know, but thats surely because of the worldwide known competitions of Simon Cowell, the ones like America got talent or the Voice or sorts. Its pretty devastating that all the connection between people is disappearing. We in Europe are becoming more and more like people in US. Some twenty years ago I thought “it” would not reach Europe. The IT is what we see in big cities and hear from the adults dating world – its more and more impossible to find a companion, find a date, not to mention find a spouse forever. Because of the size of say London or New York – millions of people, nobody knows you (except when your name is Johnny Depp that is:)). Its all related, all of the small bits in society become a big scene if you take a look from a distance. I know why in India raping woman and girls is so common. Its all connected within society (not with NY and London society, as you understand) and all the trends that people create by themselves. 

    I find myself being like Hermit crab, avoiding, hiding, prefer to be alone in my shell. And then I see “old people” like me and I come out and we talk and laugh and take wine and scallops and life is normal again. We take a stroll in forest and we know what mushrooms to pick for dinner. We take time at swamp and make fire – as we know how to and we have matches in the pocket just in case! We go skinnydipping to the same swamplake that has the cleanest water ever, a bit reddish but thats because it has a high level of iron from the torf. Then we go to BBQ site that our government has set up allover the country – for the nutters we are, we actually take vacations like that in open nature. We have mushrooms in our baskets, we clean them. Peel some potatoes, one onion. Toss it all into the funny ancient pot thats part of the set up of the free BBQ sites. Some fancier BBQ sites have actually small house on the plot. House has like 15 sqm, and some 3 to 4 bunkbeds and a firepit inside. The only rule with the free of charge BBQ sites is that you can stay as long as you want but you have to share if anyone else is coming there. The houses have a rule of one night stay – you can be there only one night and then you have to move along or set up a tent to sleep in. There are idiots however, naturally russians, who literally move in to the house for whole summer. Thats how amazing is their understanding of one night stay. Ofcourse, they pretend they dont read or speak any language…. so we put up the rules placard in four languages including Russian…. with no change. They were born cockroaches, they live like cockroaches spreading where they not supposed to, they hell as well will die like ones.

    Spent a very good and peaceful day on the beach behind the house, collected washed up stones and coulourful glass. Most of them are green or dusty white, but I found a red one today! After few hours on beach went to the farmers market and took nice trout for dinner, yummy! A panfried trout, some potatos seared in butter, a bottle of bubbly and cinnamonbuns. Smelling like Xmas already 🙂 and now its time to make it look like Xmas too! After dinner I whisked up some four batches of macarons, all four different colours. These will be a housewarming gift for the new friends I found, the neighbours from the countryside, the ones who have ciderfactory. They will be opening a new jazzclub in a week or so, and I figured this time I shall keep myself calm and not climb to the scene. Dont really know any jazz songs to sing. Still a chance the bubbly will take me off my route, but that certainly will be either rock or country or even something called gospel-like. Depends from the mood, as you know. I have been found dancing on the tables in nightclubs and singing my lungs out when bands singer has a break but these were really ancient times. I promise I will behave. Heheheeee…

    Its no snow yet, but the feeling outside is freezing. And the winds! Boy the roof is about to fly off when this storms continue any longer. For a whole week now and I checked the roof on my cottage, its not good. 

    Changing the clocks again, most of them automatically do the change but the appliances that are not online I will have to go around and “doodle”. I never understood what means one hour back or one hour forward – back or forward compared to what – depends from whose point of view, no? 

    Forgive the typos every now and then, and the few words that I am not sure how to write. I found a few when reading some drafts and there must be some in the published texts too. After all, English is my fifth language. So pardon in advance and in case you have found some strange stuff beforehand.

    Stay warm and hot, 

    Johnny, give me a sign 🙂 and let me know when you in Europe and when to pick you from airport 🙂

    themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

    XOXOX

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  • 38. Bitch I say, I am!

    Hello, people! From the windy and colourful autumn, I call you up to take a walk on beach or in forest, stroll a little in order to support your mental health. Even mere 30 minutes in the fresh air (yes, I know its not much fresh in some parts of the world…) makes you feel much better. 

    I came across one video where some arrogantly sounding gypsy-like guy yapping about all women being second rated humans – only for fucking, and being pretty, and servicing men. On first spot, yes, you have guessed it right – in his idea, the only value adding people are men. Well, maybe in his primitive world it is so. If his brain functions are in such level, then god bless, he is still alive even when being so primitive. Good on him. Evolution has gained with medical miracles, but, as everything in the world! has also lost a lot. Some hundred(s) of years ago the weak died, the stupid worked til evidentally early death. Ofcourse, the smart ones were either extremely poor, the commoners, the artists etc…. or extremely successful. Interesting times. That strange fact, that many men figured and still believe women are secondary people, still amazes me. I mean, the fact that one idiot is telling this out loud, thats the amazing part. And he makes it look as if everyone in the world is guilty of him not getting any ;). I understand the frustration and pain 😉 . Maybe someone could give him a mirror and play his videos, there is a chance he realises how disgusting and horrible his texts are. But sure, there are pretty biches that qualify for this arrogant gypsy – the ones with plastic nails, plastic boobs, plastic asses and glued on eyelashes and hair, and as a cherry on top – IQ of a tablecloth. You know these. The numb look and empty eyes. 

    Anyways, today I say I am a mean bitch. And I apparently have a lot of testosterone 😉 because I am fulfilling all tasks and all roles all alone. All roles but significant other and daughter and grandmother. Everything else I do – woman in the house, man in the house, chef, teacher, manager, singer, builder, handyman. Come to think about it – no man ever invested into me just because. You know, without any reason. Like just bringing me flowers or so, without any reason, without wanting something in return. Come to think about it…. they all wanted something in return. The sad thing is the equasion was not equal at all. Most incoherent people would agree that if woman is paying for fancy restaurant, taxi, even clothes for him… that the play would be as she wants. If she wants this lucky guy not to live with her in her home – would that be considered arrogance? She got nice evening, she paid for it. What the hell now with this sleasy bastard wanting to get some in bedroom? Hell no, I am wasted and do not do sex when drunk. My head is rotating without any additional help. From the surprised look I gather I am the first ever to decline “drunk-sexing”. Funny fact that is if its true. Because I have zero interest in hassling with anything else than my pillow, my bed and my covers. Anything else is not interesting at all. Hell, I cant even keep my eyes open, what sex!?

    There was a funny story. As my work is (or was!) physically challenging as I have to be outside no matter whats coming down from the skies, I tend to be exhausted by the time I get home. On average I arrive at about 19. Which is late for anything. But. I first get off my gear and usually have to heat up somehow (hence the winter here is on average -10 to -25C). The best is to run a bath. Several occasions I have fallen asleep in the bath, I know, dangerous. Its the result of 10 to 18 hours workdays. One year I kept a log – I worked nonstop, without any day off 72 days straight. All weekends, all days. That was slightly less than that of my record – 92 days straight without break. These bursts of work are always in winter, starting some time around October, carry through Xmas and New Years eve, all the way up to early spring. I havent have Xmas or any break at winter for 17 years. Oh, I lied, I have had presents under the tree ofcourse, and once had dinner at home too. Haha, and even so, working like that …. shoud bring some joy? Yeah, once in 17 years time. Ok, I had a few dinners with friends too. Three dinners. A looooong time ago. These were fun, in fancy restaurants, all dressed up and pretty. …. and I finally come to the funny story I was about to write: you see, the long hours outside in winter, even one workday makes you deadly tired. So one time I came home. I had boyfriend then. I stumble to bath, fall asleep there, wake up, climb to bed. He is all “awake and ready” and, obviously, thinks I am desperate to get some as I do fuckall day in day out. He starts fiddeling down there and I guess I say something couraging. I wake up in the morning. He laughs and tells me how loud I snored when he was busy entertaining me at night. He asked if he really is that bad in bed that I actually fell asleep 😉 You see, totally unaware of my work, huge stresslevels, the constant surviving mode.

    yes bitch, I am.

    Exhausted now. Was at dentist today. Its no pain but the Xray shows some inflammatory stuff in the jaw yet. So the doc put some meds into the tooth or root or so and plastered it up with some cement ;). All good except this blody thing is leaking and the taste, let me tell you, is like some gnom died in your mouth. Months ago in a heatwave……….

    Stay warm and cool,

    Johnny Depp: penpal awaits: themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

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  • 37 Motivational speech

    All looks like autumn here. It means very pictoresque and fresh in a way. You know the pics from Canada countryside, the ones with red, orange and yellow and green forests and perhaps a deer or two? Thats the ones. We live the same life, the same four seasons, the same nature. Everything is the same except happiness and wealth. I guess. Our country is poor as fuck. Apart of the nature that is. Commoners barely surviving. But it LOOKS good here. Deceiving looks. As you cant survive on sunshine and nice breeze from the sea. It sometimes comes as a surprise for our government too. But most of the time they are just plain ignorant.

    The looks is exactly why many foreigners come here with a hooraaaaaay in spring, all ready to rock and live here – because all they see is short skirts and long legs, cheap beer and cheap life…. And that is exactly why they dont believe me when I say they are gone with the first snow ;). Because thats when the short skirts of motivation disappear! Many moons ago when this sort of internationalisations started – IT wizards, NATO masters, international companies´ bosses etc – all high flying people came here, knocked the door open with foot and stated they will be here forever. The longest term I know one guy lasted here three years. He banckrupted and left. Apart of governmental level people, ambassadors and such, nobody survives here long. Because everything is expensive, market is small and, to everyones surprise – workers want to get paid ;). And they want to get paid to cover the expensive life. All in all, the unemployed people that I have talked to every now and then tell me the funny (or not so funny, in fact) thing that it is cheaper to stay home and get the social support than for the same money to go to work. And, let me get it clear for you – the minimum salary here is 654Eur per month for full employment. Now, that really doesnt draw much candidates in because to get to work cost you every day 5 Eur, to get minimum lunch another 5 Eur. Rented tiny flat cost 400 Eur plus expenses like electricity, water, etc so even if your math was F you still know you are already in minuses. So it really is cheaper not to get your ass out of home for such lousy work. Today ofcourse, the reasons for not even coming here is that our idiot neighbour started a war. In addition or partly even as aftermath of this everything is more expensive. Foodstuffs prices have increased up to 4 times within last half year. Say a jar of mayo used to be 2Eur, now its 8Eur!!!! The same fucking mayo! 

    But that is not what I had to write about today. Sort of or partly, as all bits of life are all connected. I wanted to say, that yes, the looks are pretty here. And, the local “woodoo-man” who predicts the weather has said to prepare for winter as he sees within two weeks time we will have all white here. I am pleased. White is good. Even if we have our country one of the cleanest on earth, white brings it even to a higher level. Say purity, or freshness, or also calm. The smell of laundry that dried outside in the sun and in the fresh air – yes, I know its something we take granted, and probably  most of the people in the overpopulated world have never had an actual fresh breath of air ever.  

    So we sold what we have had – nature, endless forests, seaside, funny people – we sold some literally but most of all we sold as services for tourists. Many have been surviving on tourist by building a foresthuts and renting them out. Someone has a boat and taking tourists to fishing or watching seals in their habitat. Someone has sauna (actually everyone has sauna here;)) and running some clensing rituals there (that includes jumping into snow or river right after coming from 120C steamroom). People have travelled, seen the world, and trying to make something to survive. Not everyone wants to leave even if its clear that just few thousand kilometres south there is literally free living compared to what we have to pay here. Many go to Spain, especially to Canary islands. Many go over Atlantic or even to Australia. Within some twenty years abroad or away from home one loses the feeling of homesick. I know. It took me some fifteen years to get over it. Fifteen years I was desperate to get home every weekend. I remember I cried when I didnt make it because I fell ill or simply had no money. I actually never had money. Who has money when they are on street, without job and only a teenager? I certainly did not have…. For many years. It means I was hitchhiking to get to the island. And then there was the obstacle of ferry. Them bastards wanted to see tickets. And I did not have one. I remember I bought several times the ticket and kept it tight and amended the dates next time. Or glued it back together. I mastered conterfeiting all sorts of tickets. And not only tickets. Later in life I remember creating highschool or tradeschool diplomas and sort of IDs to get into clubs, as you do. But then later in life I realised the anesthesiology nurse working in hospidal did not have any education and she was putting people to sleep…. I did not rat her out, though I could. By that time she had been working as anesthesiology nurse for 10 years, I suppose she has learned basically everything possible by that time. I hope.

    So I suppose thats about all sun for this year. With strong winds, or actual autumn storms every week, most of the trees are going to be “naked” within a week or so. Thats the time when the strong alcohol sales fly through the roof. Its part of surviving kit here. Either to fall asleep, fight the colds or, as many think, fight the depression. We are the leading country with depression and suicide. Still, many, if choosing wether to buy bread or vodka, choose vodka. As bad as it is, we are all used to it. We grew up like that, we die like that. There is one good thing about it though – we have almost no problems with obesity or overweight people. As there are none, except the few with medical reasons. Haha. Bittersweet. You have no weight problems because you have nothing to eat. Like North Korea. Luckily we dont have the poo-quota north-koreans have. As to my knowledge each family there has to provide government 1 ton of human shit every year. For fertilizing the fields so crops would grow. Now, that is why their outdoor-toilets are locked as you have to guard what you have been able to “produce”, people actually steal shit to fill the quota. And as you might have realised – they dont produce as much as one would here in Europe or America or any other place – as they dont have food either. Whatever they managed to grow on these human-poop-fertilized fields, all goes to government, not the people. Also a good thing – if they dont die of hunger and manage to survive, they are the most slender people on earth.

    With that greatly motivational bit I hereby close the day. Think about it. If you are in need for toiletpaper, then you are living better than many, maybe even most, people on Earth.

    Stay warm and cool,

    For Johnny Depp 😉 my email remains

    themaddesthattereverseen@gmail.com

    XOXOX

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